Happy Valentine's Day

Now I know most of us men couldn't care less about Valentine's Day but it's not the same for the women in our lives. To the majority of the females in the country Valentine's Day is the most important day of the year. Not only are they looking for an affirmation of affection from their men they are seeking bragging rights among their peers. There seems to be no category of female that is not under the influence of this holiday. From teens to grandmothers, from just going steady to married many years, they all are looking for something for Valentine's Day.

Attention men, if you're hoping to get laid anytime between February 14 and let's say next summer you had better remember to get your girl something for Valentines. She doesn't want excuses and although she doesn't want lame presents, she will accept them over nothing. This is the one true holiday where it is the thought that counts. Even if she hates the gift if she thinks you spent a lot of time in selecting it and it is given in love she will be happy. Even if you give her a chrome-plated turd that says, I love you she can brag to her friends about the goofy present her man gave to her. To her at least it proved that you love her.

The most important part of Valentine gifts is that they cannot be practical. Let me state it this way, if you see something and you think it is a good idea, believe me it's not. If it's handy then it's not something she wants for this holiday and it doesn't matter how much it costs if it is handy she doesn't want it. Just look at it from the woman's side, she goes to the office Monday and Shirley says, "look at the earrings Larry got me," then Marsha says, "Tom gave me roses and took me to that fancy French Restaurant down town." Now what is your girl going to say, "Well num nuts gave me a new vacuum cleaner." And then all the girls will pat her hand and give her their sympathy, while laughing at her behind her back. Now do you want your girl being the one that is laughed at or the one who is laughing at?

Although an expensive present is nice, price is not the criteria of a nice gift. I hate to put this on you fellows but this is the one holiday where you are going to have to put some thought into your purchase. Believe me you'll never get an answer out of her and don't even think about believing her if she says she really doesn't need anything this year, for it's a lie. I will say that cutesy beats pricey every time and I think the reason is they want to think of you trying to shop 'cute' so they can get a good laugh.

Here are a few hints that I've learned over the years but you can take them for what they're worth. About jewelry, now one would think you couldn't go wrong with jewelry but in less you happened to see the piece when shopping with her you have no idea if it is something she would like. Here's a little hint for you, they hate hearts, now I know you see all these women wearing all kinds of hearts but believe me they were given to them by some dumb man and they just wear them to show all the other women how dumb their men are. OK, how about lingerie, forget it, first you have to go the lingerie store. Just like car mechanics like to give your wife a bum steer the sales ladies know you are out of your league, and you're getting screwed, but I don't mean in a good way. On top of that you wife or girlfriend think you are only thinking of your own horny self with a purchase of lingerie. Candy is another iffy choice, if your girl is on a diet, and whose girl isn't, candy is a minefield. If she is a little heavy, she may take it as an insult, so before you get her candy make sure it is OK.

Next comes flowers, now flowers always work, every girl loves flowers. The problem with flowers on Valentine's Day is it is one of the busiest times of the year for flowers and everyone has the price jacked up beyond belief. They really are about the best gift as they're impractical as hell, I mean they only last about two or three days at most. For Christ's sake don't buy them on a street corner or even a super market because believe me they will know, and nothing says not caring like the connivance of purchase.

The card maybe the most important part of the whole holiday and you need to put some time in selection. Try to find a card that relates to you and her, maybe something once said, or a place that looks similar to somewhere you two have been. It isn't hard it just takes some time and just remember, the earlier you do this the more selection you have to choose. Even a homemade card will work if you can say something from your heart but this too will take some effort on your part.

Come on fellows it is just one day of the year and for all she does for us the least we can do is try to make her happy this one day of the year.