Note to the reader:
Many people have asked me how Halloween got started. Naturally they would ask me since it's well known that I know everything there is to know that's worth knowing. So this is the real story of how it all happened way back in the days when man still lived in the rough.
Ogg rubbed charcoal on his face, arms, legs and body with the end of a charred stick to blacken his skin. When he was satisfied he lifted a bowl of slurry made from white clay and water from the stream at the foot of the hill. Carefully he drew white streaks on his face, more streaks to represent the bones of his arms legs and body. "I wish I had a mirror to see how I've done," he thought to himself knowing that it would be many millennia before they were invented.
Stretching his short, hairy, legs, Ogg stood up and walked into the cave behind him shouting, "Gool!" Gool was, of course, his best (and only) friend. All his other friends had tried at one time or another to eat Ogg, so he had taken them off his friends list. Some of the more hungrily instant ones had even been put on Ignore or IGGY as they say.
Near the rear of the cave Ogg found Gool sitting on a rock staring at a cave painting of the Chief's daughter, Delish. His right hand was wrapped around his oohuu and pumped furiously on his the hard member.
"Jesus, Gool. You'll go blind if you keep that up," Ogg told his friend.
"Who the hell is Jesus, Ogg?"
Ogg was stumped. This time crap often bothered him. He knew about cell phones, Jesus, '57 Chevys and such but the Caveman's Almanac never seemed to mention these things. Even the BC Mall never carried such items. There were good luck dinosaur feet on a thong to be worn around the neck (not so lucky for the dinosaur, of course), Pterodactyl Penis Aphrodisiacs and the latest is weapons of war and hunting. Many times Ogg had stood staring longingly at the latest spearheads imported from the eastern Clovis tribes. But they were far too expensive at ten wiercat hides. "And maybe a little "swishy" in the delicate way they are fashioned too," thought Ogg.
As everyone knew, Ogg was a lover, not a fighter anyway. He would much rather spend his days stalking an available female (being politically correct, of course) caverperson with oversized chest bumps and a tight little valley between her legs. Ogg especially liked the idea that the Women's Lib Movement was thousands of years in the future. That meant if a female started her usual bitch and moan routine you could give you a good cuffing (also known as "attitude adjustment") and still get away with it. In a way Ogg longed for a time when he could have actual ropes and clamps and handcuffs and...
"Stop your fucking day dreaming, Ogg," Gool said in an loud voice that echoed through the cave. It's obvious that Gool was irritated because he hated being interrupted while he was studying the art on the walls of his cave. After all, wasn't one of the first symbols of an "advanced culture" the appreciation of the finer cave art decorations? And the picture of the Chief's daughter definitely had some nice bumps decorating her chest too. In fact, this woman's chest bumps were a matter of constant discussion among the males in the village. But Gool had never heard anyone discuss the valley between her thighs and it was assumed by everyone that she "never put out" as the saying goes.
"Now who's daydreaming," demanded Ogg. "I have an idea about a thing I call a Holiday. I think I'll call it Halloween."
"Halloween? Where did you hear that word, Ogg?"
"I just made it up. But that's not important. You have to disguise yourself like I've done then..."
"Wait a minute, Ogg. I can still tell that's you. I don't think your disguise is working. The stupidest T. Rex could tell that's still you."
Ogg rolled his eyes in frustration. "It doesn't matter. Just do it. Then we take soap and mark all over the neighbor's windows and ..."
Gool looked more confused than he usually did. "Windows? What the fuck are windows? And what the hell is soap? Something else you made up?"
"Look. I have to do something I call 'Trick or Treat' and our trick will be soaping windows."
"Hmm. We'll skip the soap and windows for now. But what's the treat?"
"Well, I don't know yet. I haven't thought that far ahead. But I'm not worried. It will come to me," Ogg said smiling.
"Well, if we are going to do this you better be thinking fast because we don't have soap, whatever that is."
Ogg really hated Gool sometimes. In Ogg's estimation Gool had some un-evolved logic patterns that he found irritating from time to time. "Just never mind that. I'll figure it out soon enough. Now get disguised."
"So what are you supposed to be disguised as, Ogg?"
