This is a true story as related to me by a former roommate of mine in the early 70s. All persons involved were over 18 years of age and the names have been changed so as to not identify or embarrass anyone. When all the details were told to me, I laughed until I cried. Poor Jason!
*****
So throughout his college days, Jason Smith tried like hell, but was totally unsuccessful in losing his most embarrassing character trait. He graduated with an impressive degree from a major university. The university only admitted perhaps 7% of all applicants and had a significant flunk out rate, so being successful in attaining a Bachelors degree from this institution was in itself impressive and quite an accomplishment.
Jason wasn't half bad looking, remaining trim and in fairly good physical condition. He landed a good job, was earning a comfortable living, had a nice apartment in the suburbs of the major city to which he had re-located and drove a decent car.
So by all outward appearances he was intelligent, fairly good looking, outwardly successful in his first career position, was comfortable around almost anyone that he met, but still this albatross hung around his neck. Jason Smith was a damn VIRGIN!!
Always horny, he beat his meat until it was sore and still a virgin; how fucking embarrassing?
In his new position he came in contact with the public frequently, so was meeting a good number of eligible women. He worked in an office with perhaps 75 people, half of whom were women, even if 75% of them were either married or butt ugly. Then there was a rather well developed social network of friends from college and a continual flow of new talent from people they were meeting either through their work or other social activities.
His friends, their wives and girl friends were continually fixing Jason up, but it always seemed to be with "nice girls." Jason was so obsessed with his "condition," that he was ready to just go find some whore and pay for it! "Nice girls!" Fuck nice girls. Well, yeah he would if he had the chance to get in their pants. He then heard the theory of "go ugly early." Hmm, perhaps it's worth a try.
For the uninitiated, "go ugly early" refers to just saying the hell with trying to fuck the girl of your dreams; early in the evening, just latch on to some homely or ugly girl, some fat chick or whomever you just know will still be unattached at the end of the evening. Turn the lights down low, for your own sanity and just get laid! She's ugly; she should be willing to fuck anyone with a cock!
So Jason tried this tactic. He had a hell of a time trying to carry on any type of conversation. He didn't want to impress her; he just wanted to fuck her. But, after a couple of times, when he did hook up with what would surely be the last potential candidate of the evening, wouldn't you know it? They both turned out to not only be not attractive, but were also a PRUDE! What the fuck?
Jason was pretty sure that he had VIRGIN stamped in big red letters right across his forehead. You talk about frustrated! He began to wonder if the saying "he'd fuck a rattlesnake, if it would hold its head still long enough," had any validity.
Then after months of trying to concentrate on his new career, dogging ever person he met that owned a pussy and pounding his pud till his forearm would tighten up from over use, lightening struck! A number of co-workers met at a local watering hole on a Friday night after work. One of the best looking babes in the office flirted with him all night, but she had the one young lady in the office who would surely end up a spinster attached to her like a Siamese twin all evening. Jason finally caught on to the personification of a prick tease. That is all Ginger Baker was. She was a goddess with a perfect body, wore her micro mini skirts, tight sweaters and high heels with perfection, but she wasn't hooking up with anyone that night. However, the far less attractive, Alice Humpage, even got ditched by Ginger.
It was late; the bar was clearing out and Jason suddenly found himself as Alice's only ride home. Additionally with the alcohol having its normal effect, Alice wasn't looking too bad. All the girls begin to look good at midnight. So, Jason bit the bullet and asked Alice if he could drive her home. She enthusiastically accepted his offer.
Once they climbed in Jason's car, Alice informed him that she lived almost 40 miles away. "You have got to be kidding me. Shit, Alice, I'm not driving you out to the fucking sticks. I've had way too much to drink and I'm not chancing some local yokel cop stopping me for driving under the influence." She said, "Well, how far away do you live?"
"About a mile and a half from here."
"Maybe I could crash at your place and you could take me home tomorrow morning when you are more sober."
What the hell choice did he have? Jason agreed to that arrangement and off they drove to his apartment. When they arrived, it seems that Jason's two roommates had their own party this evening and, while it was winding down, both couches were occupied with passed out drunks, leaving no place for Alice to crash.
Alice offerred, "well, if you could behave yourself, what if we shared your bed?" Oh my god, still horny as ever, maybe she would put out for me? Hmm, Jason thought. With not many options at his disposal, he finally agreed to share his queen size bed. Without thinking too much about it, Jason went in to brush his teeth, leaving Alice alone in his room.
Alice was wondering if she should leave her clothes on or sleep in her underwear. About this time, Jason returned to his room, momentarily forgetting about Alice and walked in completely nude, how he normally dressed for bed. "Oh shit, Alice, I'm sorry. I guess I didn't think about sleep wear and sharing my bed with you, but what the hell, this is what I normally wear to bed and in actuality, I don't even own any pajamas."
