The Wanker Family Annual Letter
Well, here we are again, wrappin' up another year. I really hate writin' these things but Floyd insists I bring the family and friends up to date and since the hospital won't let him have anything that might be a weapon, I'm stuck with the job.
So, yeah, bout Floyd. I guess if you didn't read the papers ya woulda missed it.
Floyd's been at the mill since he almost graduated from high school, a good employee too. That man runs a mean forklift. Never botherin nobody, just pickin stuff up and putting it down. When he ain't workin', he's fishin and huntin, hanging out at the bar at the Moose Hall. Livin the dream.
Then the mill got a new boss.
It shouldna been a big deal.
Well, big probly aint the right word. No other way to say it. The new boss was short. He was shortern' a golf tournament in a lightnin' storm, and a Yankee.
He come in to that plant last July like that guy Napoleon and started right in with how he was going to narrow the loss margins and think out of the box to implement forward thinking objectives that make workers stakeholders and increase our optics on market share profitability. I might not have that quite right. Got it secondhand from Floyd and he thought the whole thing sounded dangerously European.
Lars, the new boss, (Who names their kid Lars?) starts off reviewing all the personnel files and next thing ya know Floyd's off the forklift and in the maintenance department.
Seems sales of sex toys, (That's what they make, ya know. They create more smiles than a discount dentist.) have been limp and a few companies have pulled out of the market after sales went soft. Anyway, now everybody got two jobs. Floyd was put in maintenance cause he did it in the Army. That dopey Yankee shoulda looked at Floyd's evaluations. One sergeant said Floyd was the best asset ISIS had. Floyd was not a good mechanic.
