Earthy Fifties

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Copyright Oggbashan April 2005

The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

This is a work of fiction. The events described here are imaginary; the settings and characters are fictitious and are not intended to represent specific places or living persons.

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The following are fifty-word stories with an Earth Day theme. The title isn't counted.

1. Allotment

Geraldine decided to grow her own vegetables. They must be better than those she bought in the supermarkets.

They weren't. They looked good but tasted awful. Perhaps she used the wrong fertiliser.

Now she concentrates on carrots and cucumbers. In season she and her friends get real contentment from home-grown.

*

2. Electricity

Jack and Jane wanted to generate their own electricity to save money and the Earth.

The windmill worked when the wind blew. When it didn't they mounted bicycles linked to dynamos and peddled hard.

The bills shrank. Their bodies gained muscle and tone.

Now they generate more sparks in bed.

*

3. Water Economy

Water was scarce during the drought. 'Share a bath' suggested the supplier.

Showers use less water. Matt and Helen shared a shower after tennis.

Now they share more than a shower: a marriage; a house; a baby and their water bill is high.

Reusable nappies take a lot of washing.

*

4. Firewood

A wood stove uses renewable resources. They bought and installed one.

The cost of logs, transport, the chain saw, its petrol and the shed to store the logs was far more than their central heating had been.

They bought a thicker duvet and snuggled together. Their body heat is free.

*

5. Labyrinth

A labyrinth is not a maze. A labyrinth has one way in and one way out. They are often associated with worship of Mother Earth.

I threaded my way through the labyrinth to find my Janis.

She too prefers one way in and one way out. Repeated frequently with passion.

*

6. Earth Closet

Flushing the toilet uses scarce water. We installed an earth closet but couldn't stand the smell.

We moved it to the back porch. It still smelled strong.

We moved it to the end of garden. It still polluted our barbecues.

Now we flush our original toilet with collected rainwater. Smell-free.

*

7. Too soon

We tried outdoor fucking on Earth Day. My buttocks froze in the chill wind.

We changed positions. I had to rub her buns to thaw them. That was nice but not what we wanted.

We agreed that we should wait till the First of May – outdoor fucking starts that day.

*

8. Cycling

We decided to save fuel and the planet by cycling to and from work. The first morning was easy. The evening?

Our house is on a very steep hill. It took all our effort to cycle up it.

We were too tired for sex. Next day we used the car.

*

9. Windmill

A windmill might generate some electricity. Surely it would be easy to make?

The wind blew, the generator turned. We had three light bulbs working. In a quarter we would save ten dollars of power.

Then the wind really blew. The windmill crashed into our house. Cost ten thousand dollars.

*

10. SUV

We had an SUV that we used for every journey. It carried everything but was a fuel-guzzler.

We sold it and bought two small cars. For monthly shopping and taking out the kids' friends we have to use both.

We use more fuel and can't make love in either car.

*

11. Intent

We bought a tent to camp in the woods.

As beginners we bought a small tent. We could just fit inside it to shelter from the rain.

To make love, we had to move outside. We couldn't perform, thinking every noise was a watcher.

A larger tent is lovers' bliss.

*

12. Water Power

We bought a house beside a stream, hoping to harness the water for all our power.

The waterwheel worked well. We even made money by selling our excess power.

Then the winter rains came. The stream flowed right through the house.

Water is a good servant but a bad master.

*

13. Eggs

We decided to keep chickens so that we could save money and help the environment. We bought a dozen hens and a cockerel.

Every morning the cockerel woke us at dawn.

Three months later we still had no eggs. We consulted a farmer friend.

His verdict? Our cockerel is gay.

*

14. Mutual Flush

We argued so vehemently about the size of our water bill that I had to sleep on the couch.

Next evening neither toilet would flush properly.

We called a plumber.

He told us that toilets would not work with TWO bricks in them.

We settled our argument in bed together.

*

15. Earth Day

We want to save the planet for our children yet what each of us can do is so little.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.

A little from everyone can make a large difference. Think. What can you do each day to save the Earth?