Written over the span of two days, this is heavy on political satire, and was somewhat amusing to write. Hope you enjoy it. Please take this all with a grain of salt, no matter what side of the aisle you're on. It's all lighthearted in nature. As for categories? Exhibitionism? Fetish? Humor? Science Fiction? Incest? I'll flip a coin. Cheers!"
*****
Dr. Discomfit's lair was on a small island in the South Seas. Remote, hard to reach and well defended. A direct attack was considered impossible, due to the threats the doctor posed. My partner, Alicia Sampson, helped pull our small, stealth watercraft onto the shore, where we hid it in some brush. "How the fuck do they fund this place, Matt?" she whispered, looking up to the sprawling fortress built into the mouth of the inactive volcano. "They've never extorted nations for money. Only policy changes. So where do they get their money?"
Maybe from those policy changes," I said. "Maybe when they succeed at their extortion, it benefits investments Dr. Discomfit has or something. Who knows? Doesn't matter. We just have to end it."
"I hope we can. We'll be heroes."
"That's not going to be a fun climb," I said, pointing at the rock face. "Wish we could take the road going around and up the volcano."
"HQ says it's too risky, Matt. We are to avoid engaging at all costs, until we get to the man himself."
"We have no idea how difficult that will be."
"Don't I know it," said Alicia, nervously. No matter how professional and trained she was, Alicia felt unprepared, I could tell. I couldn't blame her. With some mystical cloud over the island, spy satellites were ineffective at getting pictures in any light spectrum. We had no idea how many guards were on the grounds, or what defensive systems they had in place.
It was through sheer luck when authorities in Italy arrested a man and discovered he was a high-ranking lackey of the doctor's. He died revealing the location of Discomfit's lair, before giving up any other information. Don't ask how he died. I'm sure it got ugly.
For over a year, Dr. Discomfit has reigned terror in every country, making demands from leaders and politicians, forcing laws to change, to suit whatever sinister plans he has coming further down the line, we are sure of that.
His first attack was in America, when Congress came back into session after the summer break. During the first day of procedural hearings, sixty congressmen and women instantly had their clothes zapped off of them, all while streaming live and televised, of course. His demands came later that day, promising if the first bill they passed wasn't a change in our gun control laws, then he would ensure no politician in D.C. would be safe. He'd strip everyone completely and often, no matter what business they were attending. Whether on the floor of the house, in their offices, or meeting with the media or lobbyists.
Dr. Discomfit was making good on that promise by the next morning, when Senator Rhonda McGlass was on television insisting America would never be held hostage by terrorists, and though she supported new gun laws, this wasn't the right way to get it. The interviewer didn't even finish his first question when McGlass' blouse and bra disappeared in the blink of an eye. Her "titty drop" became an internet meme. Rhonda hasn't held an interview since.
Not only did Discomfit's actions lead to new, strict gun control laws, he even made us abandon the death penalty. Worse, he made the president sign a bill capping corporate profits, ensuring more money flowed into the system. With such regulations, it required companies spend that money on improvements, research and development, increased number of hires and higher wages. Let me tell you, there were a lot fewer yachts sold last year, than years before. This motherfucking terrorist was utterly killing jobs!
Discomfit repeated these kinds of heinous actions in other countries with just as much success, though he picked on countries some less than others. But then the fucker made us pass universal health care. That was the final straw. The D.O.D. went into overdrive to find this heinous villain, partnering with other nations' intelligence communities. After discovering the location of the lair, we tried everything to learn more about it, but with no success. Two scouting missions never came back. It seemed now we were just throwing dice.
After a lengthy interview process, Alicia Sampson and I were selected for this latest mission. "Another scouting attempt?" I asked, when they began explaining the details. "I thought we were going to try something new."
"We are," said General Zachary Tyson, shoving some papers at me. "No scouting at all. This is a find-and-execute mission, nothing less. Sneak in, and go for the gold, as it were. Our previous scouts obviously weren't prepared for engagement, and never came back. It's why we selected you." I'd been on two kill missions in the past, something our government would never admit to. I wasn't sure about Alicia. "We also have other reasons for picking you," he said.
"What's that?" asked Alicia.
The general chuckled, yet somehow was able to still appear completely professional. "Alicia, your parents were gypsies?"
"Yes," she said. "And that past is behind me."
"But your upbringing probably makes you immune to the embarrassment of being stripped. It wouldn't distract you, or upset you if that happened?"
"You mean if Dr. Discomfit strips me? I'd kick his ass naked, no problem."
"And you, Matt?" pointed General Tyson to me. "Your parents were nudists, correct?."
"Naturists," I corrected, what we prefer to be called in our family. I don't think much of it, unless I visit home. Of course, I participate when I am there, only because it's family custom, but I don't go naked at my own home so much. My mother would throw a fucking fit if I didn't show up for Thanksgiving. I'm not sure I've ever eaten turkey with clothes on.
"So neither of you are really going to be embarrassed or distracted if, somehow, Discomfit strips you of your clothes, right?"
Both Alicia and I laughed out loud. Looking at her, she was fit as fuck, with an hourglass figure that blended with surprisingly firm muscles. I workout and train two hours a day, and rock climb as a hobby. I'm also pretty well hung, like my dad. Being naked never bothered me a bit. In fact, I might say I'm proud of my nude body.
"You're a perfect fit," said the general. "You leave Sunday."
We were now halfway up the mountain, when we came to a clearing. The road, circling around and up the volcano, passed through this way and we needed to cross it and keep climbing. The plan was to find any way into the facility, and either by stealth, or brute force if we had to, make our way to the finish line. In so many words, we were winging it, but I'd improvised on missions plenty of times before. Still, this was the first time I was going in to a situation with no firm plan, whatsoever.
Just before Alicia made a dash for the road, I grabbed her shoulder. "Wait!" I whispered, nodding down the path. In the dim light, we saw two figures in the distance, wearing silver bodysuits with a red belt. "They wear uniforms. We risk being seen without, our cover is blown for sure."
"Uniforms are good," said Alicia. "We get some and we can pass for the natives. At least for a time."
"You might be right. What do ya think? These two?"
Alicia nodded. In a prone position, we made our way to them, staying on our side of the road. They were approaching us, too, making our meeting all the more faster. I signaled Alicia when I felt we could safely jump them. I trusted Alicia was as capable of incapacitating a victim as me.
The two guards passed, just before Alicia rushed in first, leaping through the air, allowing her momentum and weight to drop her man. Astonishingly, with lightening quick reflexes, the guard's partner un-holstered his weapon and fired at Alicia just as I was upon him. A flying knee dropped him unconscious, but I was too late. He likely hit Alicia. I turned fast, and half of her clothes were literally zapped off her body, vertically, from shoes to pants to the top. The rest of her outfit was falling and twisting around her flesh and limbs, while she tried to finish off the guard. I jumped in to help before the man took advantage of Alicia's misfortune. An upward kick to his jaw sent him swiftly to dreamland.
