The smell of a dead mouse and a dead rat is the same. The rat is bigger so the smell lingers longer as the body mortifies. The smell of dead critter was in the boat shop. Most people when entering the shop would comment on the woody smell. The reason is we heat with wood, plus the added attraction we have wood products everywhere. An industrial orange Woodmizer lumber mill rests in the side lot waiting to produce more woody products. Our customers were not commenting on the good smell of dead mouse.
I started a dead critter sniff search. The smell seemed to permeate from around the stacked canoes and kayaks, next to the area I had wedged in a two inch thick 18 inch wide red oak board I called a desk. Maybe one of those four legged nocturnal critters had climbed in a kayak and couldn't get out. Death would have been caused by the repetitious boredom of listening to me trying to sell a new boat to a customer with no money.
My jaded olfactory sensory system could not determine where the epicenter of the foul smell was coming from. I decided to seek help. I asked the associate salesmen that took his naps and day dreams about red heads with big knockers.
"Hey, Rick the Dick. Do you smell anything evil around here?"
"No, the place smells great to me. It sure is rough on my diet. Makes me hungry. Now that you mention it, sort of smells like my ex-wife, the red head with huge knockers."
Rick the Dick has a lot to say-if you are willing to listen or stupid enough to engage him in conversation. I was searching for a Rat. I continued my search as Rick the Dick started up with his mundane droning of adventures.
When I couldn't take anymore I fired up the DVD player. It is loaded to counterbalance Rick the Dick rambling verbiage. The selection process required hitting the play button. "Full Metal Jacket" resumed play. What luck, the part where the Marine DI had Private Pyle choke himself was coming up. Private Pyle earned his name by being the main screw up in the platoon. Rick the Dick and Private Pyle have the same stupid smile.
"Fucking up everything they touch makes them happy."
If the gentle reader has not heard words like this before, it's not my fault. You have not been around people like Rick the Dick or Private Pyle. I will attempt to explain why there are people like Ricky the Dickey. Ricky is lazy and average. But he doesn't think that he is average. He thinks that he is lazy and smart. His master plan is to; fuck up everything that he touches. So if you ask him to do anything that requires him moving from chair "number three" (He broke the first two) he will immediately "fuck it up." You will not ask Ricky the Slicky to work again.
