Such a bustle there was at Dangly Dell that the casual observer, had he but had the chance to stop and observe the to-ings and the fro-ings, would have believed that old St Nicholas himself had descended upon the assembly gathered there, especially to add his own festive delights to the celebration of the season.
For Mr Pinkwick it was but the delight of delights to observe his dear friends Mr Dinkle, Mr Spottyass and Mr Buttman essaying a turn at the Lancers or the Quadrilles. For to amuse the ladies in this way was a particular joy of Mr Pinkwick, even though he himself, now turned forty, was far too venerable an old gentleman to partake of such amusement for his own pleasure. He turned his round and florid face, even rounder embonpoint and even more florid weskit towards his companion for the evening - the eternally cheerful Mr Dangle.
"Fine girls -- very," observed Mr Dangle.
"They are indeed, they are indeed," observed Mr Pinkwick his rubicund face glowing with delight.
"Brought presents -- expensive -- very?" enquired Mr Dangle his voice laughing as he spoke.
"Indeed," observed Mr Pickwick, for a gentleman such as he does not allow the yuletide festivities to pass without such expenditure upon gifts for the ladies as his expansive pocket book will permit.
"Presents -- inventive -- mechanical?" enquired Mr Dangle, for Mr Pinkwick's predilection for the wonders by which modern science alleviate the lot of the feminine sex were well know to the assembled company.
"Indeed, indeed," asserted Mr Pinkwick, "I have, with great solicitude, scoured the wonders on display at the Great Exhibition, to acquire for the young lady of the house, the latest in mechanical wonderment that modern science can produce."
For Mr Pinkwick had indeed taken what was familiarly known, although he himself would never have used such an expression, as a shine to Miss Fanny Wideopen, the daughter of the house. She was so small, and so dainty that she resembled, in the mind of Mr Pinkwick, and he was blessed with one of the finest minds of the age, naught so much as one of those elves which the fairy tale tellers inform us inhabit the polar regions from whence St Nicholas himself departed each and every Christmas Eve.
"Mechanical -- wonder -- how?"
It is true perhaps that Mr Pinkwick, cognisant of the vicissitudes of the world as he was, ought to have kept his counsel in this wise, for it is well known that prescience of the nature of yuletide gifts is a certain cause of disharmony within a household; but such was his delight, nay bliss indeed, at the nature of the present which he had obtained that he could not but restrain himself from admitting to Mr Dangle the wonder of that which he had bought.
"It is," said Mr Pinkwick, his plethoric visage bursting with pride, "None other than Armstrong's Patented Mechanical Steam Poss-tub and Mangle."
"A mangle what!" The voice belonged to none other than Mr Dinkle, a gentleman known to be partial to the ladies in his spare time, of which he was certainly well provided, "Can't say that a mangle is a present that I would consider as suitable for one of the fairer sex. And with regard to the fairness of that sex. I would say that the company here assembled is as well provided with fairness of sex as any provision of fairness of sex that I have ever seen."
"You don't think so?" Mr Pinkwick was crestfallen to feel that Miss Wideopen would not be bowled over by the receipt of a mangle.
"My Dear Mr Pinkwick," interjected Mr Spottyass it is not upon poss-tubs and mangles that young ladies dote but upon frills and furbelows, buttons and bows."
"Is it indeed," scowled Mr Pinkwick somewhat distempered by this assertion, "and what are these frills and furbelows upon which young ladies are so inclined to dote?"
"My dear sir," said Mr Dinkle, "I am amazed that a gentleman of your experience needs but ask such a question. Upon continental nether garments sir!"
"Nether garments? And what pray are 'nether garments'?"
"They are garments that in this modern age, young ladies are wont to wear beneath their robes."
Mr Pinkwick was visibly shocked. For what reason would young ladies wish to wear garments beneath their robes? Was not that with which the good Lord had clothed them sufficient! The notion seemed to Mr Pinkwick almost blasphemous.
"And you Sir," he interjected twixt gritted teeth, "intend to give Miss Fanny a set of 'continental nether garments'?"
"I do indeed," said Mr Dinkle, whose knowledge of such things, it must be admitted, was based only upon that which he had read between the covers of 'The Gentleman's Magazine', a publication only available from certain specialist bookshops on the left bank of the River Seine.
"And with what pray," continued Mr Pinkwick, "would a young lady maintain the cleanliness of her frills and furbelows if not with the aid of Armstrong's Patented Mechanical Steam Poss-tub and Mangle?"
"With servants dear Sir, with servants," snorted Mr Dinkle contemptuously, but Mr Pinkwick merely snorted in return. Disparage Armstrong's Patented Mechanical Steam Poss-tub and Mangle indeed! Well they would see tomorrow. They would see indeed!"
"Mr Pinkwick!" The booming voice of Lady Wideopen boomed across the sumptuous drawing room, "How good of you to grace us with your delightful company this festive season. We have heard much of your exploits, and indeed your generosity..." This latter word said with much emphasis, "...of spirit," she added though with less emphasis, "in the writings of Mr Darles Chickens."
"It is not I," expostulated the generous soul, "who must take the credit. Much honour must also go to those members of the Pinkwick club who accompany me."
"And are they equally generous," added Lady Wideopen hopefully.
