I was eighteen. It was my freshman year in college and I felt very far from home. The state is divided into east/west 'halves' by a range of mountains and my home was on the other side.
I lived in a dormitory, as was required of first and second year students who didn't live with parents or guardians at the time. The first semester I made the error of rooming with my buddy from high school. We soon came to despise each other, as we'd been warned we would.
The second semester, I was assigned a roommate who I was pretty sure was gay, but fortunately he never made any moves toward me. My scholastic performance was horrendous and socially I was self-crippled, due to a preternatural shyness. Even back in high school, I hadn't been comfortable with girls because I didn't feel I had anything to offer them. I was short for my age and athletically challenged. Everybody said I was smart, yet I neglected to apply myself to my classes. I'd like to think my instructors failed to challenge me, but the truth was that I was simply lazy.
The first semester I went out with one girl. She was a cute redhead from some class of mine β I forget which class. We went to a movie and I walked her home. I didn't even have the balls to kiss her. I spent most of my time hanging out down the hall from my room with a group of second year guys who β like me β were disillusioned with society and life in general.
I wasn't a virgin, as my social behavior might indicate. I'd gotten laid the summer after I graduated and it was fantastic. Susie and I hung out most of the summer, but she was a year younger than I was and I had to leave for college. She wasn't even from my home town, but lived in the town where I had gone to work for the summer. My success with her should have given me the courage to step up to the plate with other girls, but it didn't. I didn't feel like I could trust the inner voices that told me I was 'okay'.
Along about April of that first year my roommate (who was a music major) asked me to do him a favor and volunteer as a blind date with the roommate of a girl he planned to take to an off-campus party. The idea of a party sounded fine to me, but I was reluctant about the date. I'd never met the girl (thus, the term 'blind', I suppose) and told him I'd rather not go. He persevered and I finally gave in.
I knew he wasn't 'going with' his date, since, as I said, he was a little light in the loafers. He actually wore loafers most of the time. I knew the girl he was taking but I was mortified when I met my date for the evening. To put it kindly, she was unattractive. To me at eighteen, she was ugly as a mud fence. She was overweight and had a few zits (of course, so did I, so that wasn't too bothersome). But her face looked as if it had been put together in the dark by an idiot.