You Know What I Mean

An erotic story with no mention of cock or pussy.

Hey, they don't call Noo Yawk the Big Apple for nuthin', ya know what I mean? Everybody lives here and everything goes on here. Nuthin' will surprise me. Let me tell you how it is.

One fine day, I'm walking down the street. Now I ain't had no chance to bump nasties with any fur burger for a while. Let me tell you, my pocket rocket is in a high state of hornificaton, ya know what I mean? It feels like just walking along I might fill my pants with ball bearing oil unless I get to dip my wick pretty soon.

Well, the thing about the city is that if you start thinking that way, everything that happens reminds you of how much a hunk of hard you got for a hunk of soft. Just walking by and hearing people talk, it seems like everybody is getting their front door work except me! That just makes the big bone get bigger, ya know what I mean?

I pass these mean looking dudes on the corner. If they ain't gangstas they sure look like them. They got their pants sagging at the right level and blue do-rags around their heads, and what do you think they are talking about?

The biggest meanest one is saying, "I tole that ho that my jimmy was gonna jump inna her jenny ri' now or elst I was gonna bite her dog end and wax her booty hard, bro. Ya know whatta means?" The other bangers nods and rubs their crotches like that's what it's all about.

Alls I can think is that those bad boys got their minds the same place mine is. We are all alike when it comes to the care and treatment of Adam's dagger, you know what I mean? So they are all butt slapping some bush basket and all I am doing lately is pulling my own pork.

I can't get the picture out of my mind. That big ghetto dude must have a yard of doinker and a bushel of hot rocks. I see him with some bodacious ho bent over in front of him twerking her poundcake at him, and his beef bayonet sinking into her wunder down under, stroking back and forth faster and faster. Finally he clutches her fantail and sinks the one eyed monster deep in that wet juicy bacon sandwich and starts spurting cream sauce while she screams like a bitch doggy with her drooping puppy faucets caught in a fence, ya know what I mean?

So if that ain't got my 10-pounder standing up to salute, I don't know what would. I am starting to think about every mound of love pudding I ever ate. Every store window I look in seems like it is displaying nothing but a bunch of wet pink meat wallets. Captain Hightop the Love Commander is throbbing in my jeans wanting to get some of that.

Well me being in that state, all I need is seeing a guy pressing this girl up against the wall and sucking face. I go by and he is talking to her half in Spanish but I get the drift.

"Chiquita,I put mi aparato in tu panocha, si? I want to get it warm, you know. It mucho frio out here."

Well the girl is kinda pressing close to him and he has a handful of a big teta and is starting to work it. It looks like he just might get to dip his aparato, sure enough. But just then across the street some other hombre yells at him,"Hola Jose! Va a coger esta puta duro?"

Jose turns around and flips him a big bird, but the little papaya tosses her head and turns and walks away. In her tight pants it looks like two puppy dogs fighting under a blanket as she twitches it down the street, ya know what I mean?

I think to myself that I know what Jose was working on. I can't keep the pictures out of my mind. He would have gotten his hands on those sweet round angel cakes and started rolling the little strawberry buds around to get her all hot and bothered. She would have slid her hand down his pants and gotten hold of his wonder weasel and started pulling on it. Then he would have slid his hand down her pants to find the wet spot on her panties and started to finger the treasure nubbin.

I was getting hot and heavy thinking of them getting hot and heavy. If Jose kept getting lucky she would have unzipped his pants and pulled out his meat burrito and got down on her knees to start giving it some cabeza. I bet this chica was good at it too. She probably has a pierced tongue with a little gold ball in it. She would have used that to just lick up and down Senor Pedro nice and slow, and it would have been twitching with every lick, ya know what I mean?

Then pretty soon she could have wrapped her lips around that chimichanga and started going up and down, slow and then faster. That little gold ball on her tongue would have tickled the blue vein special and his bald headed rat would be starting to twitch and jerk in her throat. He woulda been grabbing her head and pushing his muchacho into that soft wet mouth real hard.

Now if esta chica was a smart piece, and I bet she was, she would slow down a bit and let that tongue ball just run around that purple popper real gentle, teasing him un poco. He would hold as long as he could, but then I can just see it, how he would start to get his frijoles off and be squirting penis salsa all over that pretty face. I was right on the edge of a knee-trembler myself just making those pictures in my mind, ya know what I mean?

So I turned the corner into Times Square, and the neon signs started flashing at me. I says to myself, "Enough is enough. It is past time to let John Henry have his way. If the big splash isn't coming to me, I have to go to it." There are a dozen places shouting CHINESE MASSAGE around here so I figure I will give it a go.

I pick out a snazzy looking place and go in. It is all decorated in red and gold, and an old dried up mama is sitting there collecting the money. I paid her and she told me go in the room and "get ready." So I take off my clothes and hop up to sit on the table. My Bethlehem Steel is ready for action and sticking out in front of me about sixteen inches, ya know what I mean?

The door opens and a Chinese girl comes in. She is wearing a white lab coat, but it isn't tied too tight and I can see a red bra and panties under it when it flashes open. She sees the one eyed dog standing up looking at her and giggles. She takes a towel and tosses it over me, but only sort of half way.

She motions me to lie down on the table, face down. She sort of loosely drapes the towel over the lower part of my chubby cakes, just as a token. She slips off the lab coat and stands there just in that red bra and red thong panties. Then she starts in to rub my shoulders. She is leaning in over me, and as she moves down to my back her summer melons are pressing into me and feeling nice and soft. I let my hand come up behind her and grab hold of the soft little moons that aren't covered by the thong. She sort of wiggles and that encourages me.

She keeps rubbing, and my one barrel shotgun is pressing into the mattress getting closer to going off. Now she moves down to my thighs, one hand coming up each leg. She works up and down, and every time she works up she rubs a little further until she is caressing my basket of eggs with every stroke. Then she starts working down my back, and every move pushes the towel down further till it falls on the floor and leaves the roundtop mountains for her to work on a bit. She rubs them good and lets a finger run around the rim of the honey pit.

This is all pushing me faster and faster to the big O, but I am holding on for something better. Now she motions me to turn over. I do the flip and of course the bowsprit is sticking straight up and twitching at her. She wraps a hand around it and raises an eyebrow. Of course I say yes, but then she rubs two fingers on the other hand in the sign everybody knows means yenom, gelt, the green stuff, honey, ya know what I mean?

I pull some Andrew Jacksons out of my pocket. I hand her a couple, and then reach for her chi chis under that red bra. She giggles and unsnaps it and I pull her toward me and start sucking the first fountain. She squirms around a bit, and her hand grabs my loveshaft and gives it a few rubs. Then she pulls away and holds her hand out again at the same time pulling down her panties a little..

It looks so pretty that I pony up a couple more XX bills. She smiles at that and tucks the money in a drawer. The panties come all the way off so I can see the goodies. She has a nice little fuzzy landing strip over the oriental peach. Then she comes close and gets back to work on my Jolly Roger and I start rubbing her coochie until it is wet enough for me to get two fingers inside. My other hand is squeezing her sweet apples and she is keeping up a nice steady up and down rhythm along my bald eagle.

I feel the dong juice building up as she strokes. She brings her hands up to the bell end and just runs her fingers around lightly. The bully beef starts jumping up to meet those fingers and the pressure is getting terrific. Now she runs her fingers up and down a few times, and then wraps both hands around it and really gets to jerking.

It isn't long before the flag gets to the top of the flagpole. I start spurting man cream up in the air and she is holding on tight. Then I fall back exhausted, my fingers still twitching in her little pootie tang.

She goes about the business of cleaning off my banger baton, wiping it nice and friendly with a hot towel. Then she gives me a real polite bow and walks out of the room, motivating her cute little back bumpers as she leaves. I figure this is money well spent and walk on home, my Jonathan resting comfortably in my shorts and not bothering me for the moment.

It seems that relief don't last very long when you are young and male and randy. Sure enough the next morning I wake up with a great big Woody Woodpecker. I got my mind on nothing but boinking a sweet muffin again. I dial a few girls' numbers looking for one who is ready for some rumpty-tumpty, ya know what I mean? But my luck is not in because they are all busy or switching me to voicemail.

The nice thing about the Big City is that you can always go for a walk to relax. I gets out on the sidewalk again to clear my mind and see if the hot rod will cool off. But just like yesterday, everybody I pass seems to be talking about playing hide the salami while I ain't.

I pass a couple guys with big black hats and long beards. I figure them for diamond merchants for sure. I can't help hear one of them say, "Abraham, vat is a man to do when his vife isn't available? Am I not a man? Do I not have a man's needs? My schlong is dancing."

His friend replies, "Hyman, it is simple. No need to let vorry Golda. Just find a nice koorvah to shtup. Believe me it is vorth the money."

Hyman says, "You do that, Abie? It vorks for you?"

Abie replies, "My friend, I promise you, it is easier to buy a little schmoonda to dip your petzel in than it is to worry about when your vife goes to the mikvah. You just come down the street with me and I show you where, you know vat I mean?"

Well, low and behold, these two fellows start right off for the same massage parlor I visited yesterday. I thought about following them, but cash was getting short and I couldn't depend on buying a happy ending all the time. I dialed a couple more numbers but still no answers.

Now Noo Yawk attracts a lot of different types. You never can tell what you happen on around here. But I wasn't expecting the next pair of guys I almost bumped into. Two working men with soft brown caps were standing outside a pub named The Black Swan and talking with an outrageous accent.

"Jamie, I wouldn't mind dropping in fer a pint at the Mucky Duck meself."

"Shure, Mike, Oi'll lift one wiv you, but I wish I was back where I could 'ear the Bow Bells chiming, I does"

Cockneys, for all the world. There are some of them around the city, and I like to hear them talk. They have this crazy slang where you have to figure out the rhyme. It took me a bit to understand what these two were talking about.

"Mike, wot I misses the most is my sweet little Rosie. I would sure like to pat her little Jack and Danny again. We could play a bit o' slap and tickle at the back of the pub, yer know wot I means?"

"Jamie, I could squeeze me Molly's Eartha Kitts roight now and 'ave me a grand old time. She is a foine one at doing a Two Bob. I miss 'er lips running up and down me Brighton Rock, I do."

"Ah Mikie, me Cobbler's Awls is turnin' blue thinking about hit. I would roight loike to stick me 'ampton Wick in Rosie's Berkshire 'unt this minnit, I would. I'm ready to Goose and Duck, I am, but I guess I will just have to Barclay's Bank meself instead."

Well, a little thought told me what Berkshire Hunt rhymes with, and I could figure out the rest from that. Now if the Cockneys are thinking about it, it sure is messing with my mind. I am about to decide I need to go home and break out Mama Thumb and her four daughters if I can't do it any other way.

Just as I reach that state, my phone rings. I listen to the tone playing "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and my trouser hound gives a big jump, cause that means my sweet little Deanna is sexting me.

I look at the screen and see:

IPN4Y

and then proves she is posing naked for me by sexting me a picture of her cute little happy hole spread open and showing pink! I text back

OMG I8T

and lick my lips thinking of the juicy taste

then she says

HEY RUH

Am I horny? You bet I am. So I text back

IW6

She replies

ME2

So I ask

WYFM?

And she replies

LH6N

Oh yeah! Let's Have Sex Now, baby. I am ready for a little dirty work at the Y with you. Things are looking up. I figure I am gonna get my tonsil tickler wet as fast as I can get over there so

OMG OMW

I tell her, and move out for her place, with my heat-seeking missile counting down to blast off. Ring the bell, up the stairs, and I am at her apartment. I go in the door and look for her. Her voice calls from the bedroom. My John Thomas bounces at that sexy voice. I open the door and look in.

Right there on the bed, the first thing I see is her bear trapper's hat gaping open at me. She is lying there with her legs spread wide so I get the full effect of her juices to my eyes and my nose. When I come in the door she starts wiggling her cute little fantail and the pink canoe is bobbing up and down.

Then she sticks a couple of fingers in the slit and starts polishing the pearl. She finds the little bald man and starts rubbing it around. Her hips are jerking and the lips of her pink palace are twitching.

Well I don't intend to let that go to waste. I drop down by the bed and get my tongue to work licking the orchid. It is juicy and salty and I can tell she is liking it. I work up and down and round about. I find the fun nub at the top and roll it under my tongue and she starts going crazy. I put my hands on her sweet cheeks and lift her up so I get a good mouthful and suck in and out on the remote control bump.

Suddenly her hips start doing wild things and she moans, "Oh, yes, oh, yes!" and I know I have rung her chimes. I feel the pretty pink contracting on my tongue as she jerks. Then she relaxes and her legs fall away from my head and she lies there panting.

This gives me a chance to stand up and get a good look at her on the bed dressed in Eve's wedding gown. She is a real looker with a body that can win any contest. She is pretty small with short cut brown hair. Her twins are not big but are nice and round and I know that the nips taste real nice. She has a flat belly and below that is a nice fuzzy patch because she only trims the bush pie, doesn't shave it. I like that in a woman, makes it seem nice and warm, ya know what I mean?.

Her beautiful passion fruit is pink and juicy and real tight, and she gets a lot of action out of it when we dance on the mattress. She has nice firm gams that wrap around a guy during the Big Bang. All in all she is as nice a piece of tail as you will find anywhere.

She is still breathing hard, but she sits up and says, "Wow! She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes! You are a talented muff diver. Now it is your turn. Ready to have your knob polished?"

Of course I was. She reached out and unbuckled my belt and pulled the zipper down. She slipped my jeans and my boxers down and Casey at the bat was standing tall waiting for her. She gently put a hand under the coconuts and started to lick them. Then her tongue worked up along the love shaft, real slow, until it reached the purple mushroom. She flicked her tongue back and forth and got it to twitching.

Then quickly her lips surrounded the one eyed monkey and she started sucking. Hard. That was driving me wild and my hips pushed into her face She felt that, and suddenly she dropped the master of ceremonies and looked at me with eyes twinkling. I moaned, but all she would do was to put out one finger and gently trace a circle around the business end. She made the pepperoni dance by doing that, and I put my hands behind her head and pulled her back to work.

Now she decided to deep throat. She sucked the love whistle down as far as it would go, and her tongue started tickling it. I was ready to shake and shiver and she felt it throbbing. Quickly she began running her mouth up and down the whole length of the baloney pony and I felt it all the way.

I knew it was bedtime for Bonzo so I thrust as far in her throat as I could and sent out the troops. I could feel the gonad goo splashing out, and she took the whole mouthful. When she was done playing the skin flute, she gave a big swallow and then grinned at me knowingly.

"What a load!" she said. "A girl's gotta have her protein, you know what I mean?"

Well, I was standing there with shaking knees, tired but happy, ya know what I mean? She pushed me back into a chair that was behind me. Then she moved a little ways away and started dancing for me.

Deanna has natural rhythm and she does a hell of a nice tease dance. Her tushie was bouncing back and forth, and when she turned around the orbs of pleasure swung at me real pretty. She shook her bottom bush at me, and then danced toward me and put a foot up on my leg spreading the axe gash wide open so I could see the juices dripping.

Then she got between my legs and did a long slow drag of her body down across my bone sausage. It was already getting hard and ready for some more action. Her soft belly rubbed against it, and then it got in between her dangle bangles and she wiggled them around. I was back at attention now.

She kept lap dancing and getting me more and more excited. She turned around and caught my love arrow between the mountains of the moon and squirmed in my lap. I could feel the loving spoonful building up in my bayonet and gave her junk in the trunk a little back and forth, ya know what I mean?

Then she turned around and let that sweet wet goodie basket start rubbing on my super soaker. The juice was coating it good, and I started straining to get it inside the pink tunnel. But she wasn't letting me do that yet. She wiggled real soft just around the head of the beast, driving me wild. Then she let about half an inch of the tip slide inside, but quickly pulled it out again.

Her devil's dumplings were bouncing right in front of my eyes. I grabbed them and pulled on the rosebuds and then got one in my mouth to suck. Then I ran my hands down her back to the soft meat pies and pushed her toward me.

"Oh my god I need to blow out the plug, babe. Please let me get into the bull ring right now!" I begged.

She answered by plunging the bearded oyster deep down on my speargun. Then she gyrated back and forth quickly and both of us got to the fireworks at the same time. She closed her eyes and yelled and I pumped her full of the milk of manhood. Her tunnel of love squeezed my pork sword hard and I drove it in deep. When I finally stopped squirting, and she stopped squeezing, she fell forward until her chesticles were pressing against me. I grabbed a handful of her lower cheeks and held on. We both breathed deep until we had enough oxygen again.