Gregory Black, ditched by the second female in 27-days, arrived at the bus stop to catch the 7:50 into the city. For the third day running a female in the same soft fleece hat and thick military-style coat and scarf was already in the skinny shelter.
Noting that this time they were alone, he said cheerfully, "Morning."
She eyed him and looked away without replying.
"Are you aware it's spring and yet you are dressed for winter?"
That was ignored.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't aware you had a limited wardrobe."
That goaded her into a response.
"Did your mother bring you up to be this rude and disrespectful?"
He doubled-blinked exaggeratingly and said, "Wow, it talks."
She stared at him disapprovingly and said, "You are so rude. Do you habitually start your mornings in this mood?"
"Yeah well I've been dumped twice inside a month by women I've tried to bond with. Perhaps they thought I was grumpy and uncouth and have a smart mouth."
"Yes that's probably the case and perhaps you confuse a word like bonding with seducing."
Gregory gave her a full minute to bask in her self-anointed superiority and then said, "Do you enjoy verbally putting down males and giving the impression you are frigid?"
That knocked her confidence.
She said back-pedalling, "I am sorry if I offended you and my excuse is you've persistently provoked me."
"Okay I accept your apology. Are you available to have sex with me and perhaps a meal to follow if you have performed impressively?"
Her mouth opened and closed as if she was practising to blow bubbles.
Gregory pulled out his phone and asked her for her number and she automatically recited it and then said, "No please delete that number; I had no intention of giving it to you."
He ignored that and said, "Here's the bus. I'll wait for the next one since I appear to rile you."
"No that's unnecessary. Just board after me and sit well behind me."
"No that's being treated like scum."
The bus stopped and she said, "Well board and sit next to me if we find an empty double seat."
There were no empty doubles and she sat beside an older woman. Gregory smiled at the older woman and said, "Ma'am I would be grateful if you could find another seat to allow me to sit by my pregnant wife."
"Oh yes certainly," the fat woman smiled and went further back to a vacant seat.
"My god, you are something," giggled his accidental companion.
He kissed her cheek and said hi, he was Gregory Black.
"What the newspaper columnist?"
"Yes unfortunately. I wanted to be an editor but there were no vacancies and the managing editor thought I was over-qualified to be a reporter and offered me the weekday
Chewing the Fat
column. I found out later he'd been unsuccessful in getting that writing vacancy filled because reporters said they were unable to supply a daily column starting off with nothing and here was I thinking I was being offered a plum job as a wordsmith."
"Oh god, you intend to fill tomorrow's column by chatting with me?"
"Yes."
"Oh god."
"Do you chat with Him often?"
"Who?"
"Never mind. What is your favourite position for sex?"
"Never you mind about that thank you. My name is Linda Ross and I still live at home and my father is Chief Superintendent Arthur Ross, who heads our city's police force."
"Why did you say with a weary tone that you still live at home?"
"Because no guy has asked me to live with him and my dad won't allow me to flat with other girls because they might deprave me by leading me into a life of sex, gambling and late night boozing."
"Gee most young females would jump to be in an environment with those incentives."
"Yes but in my case my father suffering from anxiety would order his drug or vice squad to raid the place and arrest everyone but me and that wouldn't be fair on my flatmates."
"I agree and taking such a stand as you have is being b ethical."
Linda brushed her great-looking chest with a hand and said, "Obviously you understand what is meant by ethical behaviour."
"Yes and I said that to impress you about my understanding."
"Oh."
"Sorry I must get out at the next stop. Give me a kiss."
Linda kissed him automatically and sighed, "Oh god what is this dopey woman doing? If you must know, I'm often off to a slow start in mornings."
"Yes and that's why you dress like you are, because you automatically put on the outer garments you wore the day before. I know a very sweet way I could get all of your muscles, your brain and your emotions firing after you wake in the morning."
Linda blushed and looked out the window.
They sat in silence for the next two minutes and then he stirred, placing a hand high on her nearest thigh. She looked at the offending hand but said nothing.
"I get out here," he said. "I like walking the last mile to the office. I'll call you this evening about lunch tomorrow."
"Ah but you don't have my phone number," she said smugly and as he left the seat she groaned, "Oh god, he made me give my number to him earlier."
Next morning Linda went down to breakfast and found the morning newspaper folded open on page three and on the right-hand edge of that page was the
Chewing the Fat
column. She smiled knowing it wouldn't be about her because she'd given him not a single thing to chew over. She began reading, expecting Mr Black would have found some other poor sod to write about.
She chose to sit on a bus with me posing as my pregnant wife. Lindal as we'll call her, began chatting to me comfortably as everyone tends does to do to the person sitting beside them when riding to work on a bus, beginning by asking what position do I prefer when having sex.
Linda opened her mouth to shout "That's an outright lie" but remained silent when noticing her parents were watching her intently. She had mentioned her unusual encounter with an uncouth guy on the bus the previous morning.
We chewed the fat with Lindal asking why I hadn't answered her opening question. I ignoring her attempt to deny me of my right to stay silent and she sat quietly, a hand lightly on my thigh, until I asked what racket was her old dad in. She looked disapprovingly at the hand on her thigh and said daddy had an all-day interest in crime, well a 24/7 interest in fact, but she wasn't allowed to talk about his racket because security was tight to avoid giving tip-offs to the news media and rival gangs.
I wondered if her mom was into prostitution, perhaps she ran the brothel near where I live, but Lindlal was busy adjusting her stay-up stockings, modestly I might add. Gee her fingering was sensitive.
I found out her mum was an area manager for delivery of hot food to older gang members, the food probably being a great way to deliver dope and condoms and perhaps even stolen gambling chips right under the noses of watchful cops prowling looking for the chance to launch a drug bust or to arrest ladies on the suspicion of prostitution just to enjoy the women ranting and raving about their innocence and claiming they were no more prostitutes that Lindal's mom was a brothel-keeper.
Lindal had explained that her mom supervised crews engaged in the distribution of food to people just out of hospital from treatment who lived alone. Gee what a great cover for her workers allegedly delivering dope and condoms oh and stolen gambling chips.
Linda's phone on the table rang. Her mother picked it up and announced "Linda's phone" and listened momentarily and then handed it to her daughter and said, "The caller identified himself as Greg Black.
Linda dropped the phone and said cussed and picked it up, looking at the disgusted look on her mother's face and at her father's grin and apologized for using bad language.
"Yes?"
"I just heard you use the f-word emphatically. Is that what you want from me?"
"It is too early in the day for pathetic humour. Why are you calling me?"
"Because I'm driving to the airport this morning to interview a woman whose company makes jockstraps for sportsmen. I need to make a time and place for the lunch date you urged me to have with you."
"Mr Black, I'm not having lunch with you today or no other day, ever."
Her father cut in: "Perhaps I would have less of an issue with you for talking yesterday to Mr Black so frivolously and damaging to the reputation of your parents if that stumbling new relationship between you two became strong enough for you to accept his invitation to lunch today."
"Um Greg I've changed my mind. I will have an intimate lunch with you today."
He said he'd made the booking yesterday and gave her details and cut the call.
Linda's parents looked as if they were about to deal with a problem child.
"Say nothing," she urged. "There's simply no way I can explain how he twisted things I said and he placed his hand on my thigh and not the other way around."
"I understand," said her father with professional experience. "Everyone knows how journalists twist things to produce a better story."
"Thanks dad."
"Did you have sex with him when you'd only just met him?"
"Thanks mum for your confidence in me. No I did not. We met for the first time yesterday morning at the bus stop and did most of our talking on the bus."
"Omigod you had sex with him on a crowded bus."
Linda sighed and said she was going back to bed but her father looked at the kitchen clock and said her bus was due in ten minutes.
"Oh god," Linda screamed and heard her mother yell to wear something soft and sexy.
* * *
Greg, as she apparently was now expected to call him, was sitting at the table and remained sitting when she said hi Greg and automatically kissed him and sat opposite him. His knees quickly found hers, or had hers found his knees? She was confused.
"Do you have condoms?"
She smiled indulgently and said, "I tossed two into my handbag but mummy said I should pack a 10-pack because you are so debonair and have such an awesome reputation as a seducer."
He looked startled but only for a tenth of a second and then smiled and said she was becoming used to him already.
During lunch he invited her to go away with him that weekend.
"I'll think about that Greg but first show me what you've got."
