This is in homage to rpsuch. He started this whole thing. Blame him!
This is a humorous discussion of avoiding the pitfalls of adultery.
Hotels
Always count the smoke detectors in your hotel room. If there is more then one, get out, hopefully before she gets there!
Never go to a cheap motel with outside doors and windows. Always close the curtains all the way if you do, no matter where you are or what floor.
Never get into an elevator with her. Make her take her own damned elevator and go to a different floor. Fire stairs are there for a reason and she can probably use the cardio to warm up. On a related note, never touch her in the hotel lobby.
Always get adjoining rooms. Yes, it costs more but it's less then a divorce or an alienation of affection lawsuit.
Make sure you buy prepaid credit cards for your hotel assignations. Receipts are NOT your friends. For that matter, buy prepaid cell phones and arrange very specific times to call one another.
If someone knocks on the door of your little trysting place while you are both there, save yourself the hassle and just jump out the window now (Bet you're sorry you didn't get the adjoining rooms NOW asshole!) Yes, you may be on the third floor, but it will be less painful in the long run.
While we are on the subject, never get a hotel room higher then you can survive being pushed out of. Just saying.
Do not let her answer her cell phone or hotel phone when you are having sex. Treat that ring tone with the same caution you treat a rattlesnakes rattle. It might mean you're about to get hurt real bad. Make sure she calms down before she talks. (We are assuming she's a good actress already. She has YOU convinced she's having mind blowing orgasms...)
It is probably a good idea to bribe the staff
before
the hubby gets a chance to. They might at least give you a shot at a running start before the mayhem begins.
Never ever use the same hotel room twice.
Be a gentleman. Make sure the hallway is clear before you let her sneak out of your room.
