Lisa walked into my study to find me staring at a blank Wordpad screen.
"Still struggling?" she said after kissing me on the neck and dropping into the armchair by the window.
She'd been out jogging. Sweat still glistened on her bronze skin, and her long blonde hair was tied back in a ponytail. Her sports bra accentuated her large, full breasts and her running shorts rode up a bit. She was only 5'1", but in bed she was a giant...
She read over my shoulder, "'...in bed she was a giant?'" She snorted. "What, like I take a corset off when I go to bed or something?" She reached over my shoulder and deleted the lines. "Blocked, honey?"
"These things were supposed to be outlet valves so my other writing went more smoothly," I said. "I didn't think they'd be hard to write."
She laughed. "They're not hard for you to write. You just keep slipping into parody."
I shook my head. "I tend to think of it as homage."
"Homage, parody. Whatever. What was with that last one? It didn't even have an ending."
"That's why the working title was 'Lady or the Tiger?'"
"Ah." Lisa lit a cigarette before offering the pack to me. I waved her off.
"Anyway," I said, "the parody element isn't intentional. It just sort of happens when I think too hard about the scenario."
Lisa crossed her legs and blew a smoke ring at me. "I don't know. A guy's zaftig goddess of a daughter stands up naked and dripping from the bathtub and says 'Daddy, do you think I'm fat?' That's got to be intentional. Even if it's subconsciously intentional."
I leaned back in my chair. "You may be right."
She laughed. "You've read too much porn, seen too many movies. Once you question the absurdity of some of the conventions, you're doomed. Or doomed to figure out ways to write about those absurdities. Look, honey, give me a scenario. A standard scenario."
"What category?"
She stretched and then ground out her cigarette in an ashtray before responding. "Hmm. How about incest/taboo?"
"OK. Horny father sees his college-age daughter sunbathing topless at the pool."
"Good. That happens all the time. Now, being the upstanding citizen he is, he immediately wanders out to the pool in his swim trunks. He startles his daughter, who tries to cover up..."
"His 19-year-old drop-dead gorgeous blonde daughter with 36D breasts..."
"Well, sure, if he's a breast man. Dad feigns surprise when he sees her and says, 'Oh, honey, I'm sorry. But I don't want you to feel uncomfortable sunbathing topless...'"
"So he takes off his swim trunks, revealing an enormous erection. Then he looks down and feigns surprise at the erection. His daughter, attempt to cover up forgotten, stares at his cock, mouth gaping."
"Perfect!" She lit another cigarette and blew a couple more smoke rings before continuing. "Now, this guy's sexy 19-year-old daughter turns out to have never seen a penis before."
"Oh, that's good!"
"Yes, it is. So she says to her father, 'Daddy, I suddenly feel very strange looking at your beautiful, disturbing penis, if indeed 'penis' is the name for the mountainous growth between your two legs.'"
"And he says, 'Well, honey, that's because you need more suntan lotion on because you're in danger of developing sun stroke!'"
Lisa laughed. "Exactly. 'OK, Daddy," she says as she starts to roll over, exposing the two perfect tanned globes of her ass."
"The father says, 'No, honeybun. You need more suntan lotion on your breasts.' He picks up a bottle of lotion and walks over to stand above her."
"She says, 'Um, OK, Daddy, but I sure do feel funny. Maybe it is because I have never seen a penis before.'"
I laughed. "He says, 'Well, honey, if it would make you feel better, why don't you touch my penis?'"
Lisa said, "She says, 'Smashing idea...'"
"'Smashing idea?' What, suddenly she's British?"
"Sorry. 'Yes, Daddy, if you think that touching your penis would be normal and perfectly OK, I would indeed like to touch it.'"
"Daddy smiles reassuringly at her. 'Of course, pumpkin, it would be fine.'"
Lisa said, "The daughter reaches out and tentatively touches her father's cock. It's the largest cock she's ever seen."
I shook my head. "She's never seen another one, remember."
"Oh, right. Even in pictures? Yeah, yeah, OK. Well, it's a huge cock, as thick as a can of soda and twice as long. The balls are as big as tennis balls and attractively shaved. As soon as she touches it, she's filled with lust. No, she actually cums when she touches it, soaking her swimsuit bottom with her delicate sexual juices."
I nodded, typing frantically. "'Oh, Daddy,' she says, still quivering from her sudden orgasm, 'I'm not sure I should touch it any more.' She withdraws her hand."
Lisa frowned, deep in thought. "Her father says, 'Well, honey, why don't you just touch it with your lips? Maybe that would be OK.'"
"The daughter looks puzzled. 'Um, OK, Daddy.' Then she sits up and tentatively takes the head of his cock into her mouth."
"Good. Now we have several paragraphs in which the father educates her on how to give a blow job."
"Good, good." I typed in silence for awhile. "Finally, overcome with lust, he pulls out of her mouth and ejaculates all over her gigantic, perky, perfect breasts."
"Right. Oh, her boobs have nipples the size and approximate color of gold doubloons."
"Doubloons?"