There is a story around these parts about three sisters who got the name of the three little pigs. They weren't called pigs because they were fat; these girls were anything but fat. They were young, trim, athletic and nubile. Everything every man wants in a woman and more than most deserve. These girls were called the three little pigs because they had no shame not a single shred. Between the three of them they had slept with close to half the population of the little town. The other half was female and rumor has it they had gotten through a considerably portion of them too!
There was one chap that they hadn't let get a piece of that porcine pie though. Nobody really knows what his real name was, we all just called him Big Bad on account of how he used to chase that little girl in the hood all the way to her Grandmas house. He was just like those pigs, always on the look out. Why I heard that when Little Red hit her eighteenth that old bastard had her and her grandma at the same time. He'd been through his half of the local population too but he didn't swing that way so all the men folk were safe from his charms.
It's hard for guys like to understand why he wasn't happy with what he'd already got. I mean I'm happy with the love of my wife Francine, she's a good woman. Big Bad though he wasn't content, and those pigs, they were always teasing him. They'd flash him when they drove by his house. I could sit here for days and tell you all of the things those girls did to him but I'm only going to tell you about the last time and before I get to that part I need to tell you a little more about them pigs.
You see like a lot of really pretty and pretty easy girls (and them pigs were both) you see a lot of girls who ain't bright enough to screw in a light bulb. Not really their fault, all they gotta do is bat an eye lid and the light bulb'll jump right out of the socket and a new one'll take it's place just so it can shine down on a beauty like that. It was really the worse in the youngest one, twenty one years young when the story took place. See she grew up knowing she was too danged pretty and knowing how to use it from her sisters. Being the only redhead in town didn't hurt. I long since forgot what her name was so I'ma call her Red.
The middle sister, a brunette I'm gonna call Belle didn't have it quite as good. Don't get the wrong idea. That girl could still convince an Eskimo he needed to stock up on ice and if she crawled into bed with him he'd be thankful that she warned him before melting his home. She just wasn't quite a spoiled to the core as her sister.
The eldest, Goldie, with blonde hair obviously was the least spoiled of the three. She actually made it a point to be an independent woman. She could put gas in her car without help and even bought her car with money she'd earned from a job that didn't involve no kinds of pole. Not a dancing pole like Belle and not a sittin' pole if you follow my meaning like her sister Red. Goldie was a long way from what most would consider independent but compared to her sisters she was downright fierce.
I'm sorry I've been sitting her runnin' off at the jib when you want me to get the point. So I'm gonna get to the point and that is that them girls loved to tease Big Bad everyway that they could and one day they decided to take it a little too far. They went up to his house stripped down to their birthday suits knocked on the door and ran away so all he got to see was their perfect little butts bouncing as they ran home. Some folks used to say that Big Bad took one sniff of their clothes and knew exactly where to find them girls. I know better though, them dumb broads didn't take their wallets out of their pants when they stripped.
Big Bad decided right then that enough was enough and he was tired of these shenanigans. He was gonna teach those pigs a lesson and pork em at the same time. Can't say as I blame the guy, if those three had been bothering me I mighta done the same thing.