DISCLAIMER:
The story is al fictional parody - it's not true, nor is it approved of by the celebrities named in the stories. Authors write these fictitious stories about famous people for the same reason that Larry Flynt made fun of Jerry Falwell, because they can. The Supreme Court of the United States, the country where this site is located, has ruled that parodies involving famous people are perfectly and totally legal under the United States Constitution. The specific case law on this was decided in the case of "Hustler Magazine, Inc. et al. v. Jerry Falwell" in 1988. No harm is intended toward the celebrities featured in these stories, but they are public figures and in being so, they must accept that they are fair target for parodies by the public. We believe in the first amendment, and more broadly, in the basic principle of free speech and this section may push the boundaries of that principle, but the United States Supreme Court has approved of this type of material. We believe that the Supreme Court was correct in their decision.
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Assignment: Nude Day 2004
Handy Hancock, Washington DC~
Handy's bronze tan muscles, were highlighted by the studio lights. He had short cut hair with the perfect wave up front and nothing on but a smile. His famous features only hidden by the desk in front of him. Anchor person for the Television station, SEXTASY-TV. Handy cleared his throat and began; "Hello everybody, I'm Handy Hancock, covering Nude Day 2004, and welcome to SEXTASY-TV. I'll be your host for today's events and ceremonies of, Nude Day 2004."
"There's only one way to celebrate, Nude Day." Handy smiled as he looked down at his nakedness, "Naked..." He straightened back up and poised for the camera that zoomed in. He shot his winning smile to the lens and continued. "Watching...SEXTASY-TV's live coverage of events, around the globe, celebrating Nude Day 2004."
"Today, we will bring to your screen, Nude Beach, USA. Covering today's crowning of "Miss Bare" 2004, is Sextasy Tv's very own, Miza Tulips.
We will also cover events in Paris, Texas. Where the 'Walk-a-thong' is kicking off. Toga in Rome, Italy and the North Pole. 'The Nudist of the North' are having they're Nude Day festivities where it chilly's the men's willys." Handy glanced at his notes, then his eyes peered back to the camera. He tried to restrain from laughing, swallowing his chuckles.
"But first here is some food for thought, Wednesday, July 14, 2004, National Nude Day. May 11, 1910, Wembley hosted the first ever nudist congress. Americas first nudist organization was started in 1929 by 3 men. Adam and Eve were naked all the time, till they met the serpent, then decided to cover their 'nakedness'. Now you see a serpent and it scares the pants off, you." Handy grinned then started again.
"Benjamin Franklin, U. S. statesman and inventor.
Franklin, would you believe, was a practicing 18th century nudist! He took his "air baths" by sitting in the buff in front of an open window.
John Adams, U. S. President
President Adams regularly swam nude in the Potomac river. Anne Royall, a journalist, heard of Adam's early morning skinny dips. After being refused interviews with the President several times, she went to the river, gathered his clothes and sat on them until he agreed to speak to her. Before this, no woman journalist had ever interviewed a president." Handy grinned, "I bet Adam's, adams apple showed." Handy chuckled. A sexy lady walked up seductively and handed Handy a note. Handy read it then looked at the camera. The lady smiled and walked out of the camera's view.
"Headline News: Sunny Dale Nudist Resort...A hole has been found in the fence at the Sunny Dale Nudist Resort, police are looking into it." Handy giggled then set the note down and picked up his agenda and began reading:
"Benefits of nudity, A naked man fears no pickpocket...A nudist never has to hold out his hand to see if it is raining. And my favorite A 'Buddhist nudist' practices 'yoga bare'." Handy laughed.
"Did you know? A harp is a nude piano...The Sun shrinks the skin of humans for prolonged periods of time. Therefore, things may be smaller than they appear. Or is it that it will appear smaller than then rise when heated up?" Chris let out a loud burst of laughter. Chuckling, "Nudist Resorts occasionally post signs saying, 'Clothed for winter.' Or...Senior Citizen Nude Beach ahead. Watch for Golden Oldies, "Handy read while smiling.
"Always swim nude. Sharks hate to peel their food. Nudists are people who wear one-button suits. And remember...never cook bacon when you're naked." Handy sat up straight. His tanned muscles gleamed in the spotlights.
"One Final note for 'Nudist' today, If you don't want to be as red as an Apple or redder, then suntan lotion your skin with a 'Heather'." Handy smiled. "Lets go now live, SEXTASY-TV's coverage, of Nude Beach's, "Miss Bare," 2004. With Miza Tulips...Miza?"
Miza Tulips~ Nude Beach USA~
"Thank you Chris," Miza stood with the 'Cock' like microphone poised to her lips, smiling. Her tanned body glistened in the noon day sun. Her black hair fell down around her breast, but didn't quite cover her pink, pointing nipples. Her bush was very neatly trimmed and her slender legs run all the way down to her high heel sandals. Which, was the only thing she had on.
"Happy 'Nude Day' everyone, I'm Miza Tulips. Today SEXTASY-TV and I are proud to bring to you the coverage of the 'Crowning of Miss Bare'." A crowd of naked people lined up behind Miza, women and men of all ages stood in semicircle. The beach stretched out behind them in an endless ribbon up the coast. A large banner strung across two large posts, read: WELCOME to NUDE BEACH, USA.
"As you can see behind me," Miza turned around and waved her arm and poised like a 'Vegas Dancer'. The gathering of people cheered loudly. "Everybody's 'nude' on Nude Beach." More yells and wolf cries came from the excited band of spectators. Men in the crowd were grabbing their cocks and wagging them at the camera. Jimmy, the cameraman, zoomed in on a woman milking her breasts seductively, at him. The competition for Jimmies attention and camera focus was bewildering.
People were all twisting in synchronization to turn to 'moon' the camera with a wave of asses and turn around. From one end of the crowd to the other and back again with several mess ups and off beat attempts. But asses and more were bared to Miza, Jimmie and SEXTASY-TV.
"Today, Nude Beach is proud to sponsor, the Crowning of, 'Miss Bare' 2004." The crowd cheered loudly. Miza spoke into the 'cocklike' microphone, licking her lips. "To be a 'Miss Bare' finalist you, you had to prove you can be tough. This was achieved on night one of the three day trials, by serving a ship load of sailors, drinks till closing, 'nude'. This was amazingly where half the contestants withdrew from the competition." Miza rolled her eyes. "The twenty-nine ladies that made it to day two, were then dropped off down town 'Nude Beach'. Totally 'Nude' and told to come back here. Where only half of those made it back." Miza snickered shaking her head in disbelief as she read her 'cue' card.
Jimmy the cameraman zoomed in on Miza's nipples. Hardened, perky and pointing towards the camera lens. Men were behind Miza waving their arms in an Hour glass shape, describing Miza's nice ass. Her fingers wrapped around the cocklike microphone as she held it to her mouth.
"The trials were hard, the competition was fierce. The day is here, where we find out which of the three finalist will wear the 'Crown' of Miss Bare' 2004." Whistles and 'cat calls' were only a small distraction for Miza. She tried to keep 'professional' about reporting. But chuckles and grins filled her face as men commented on her, 'Nice Ass,' 'Heart shaped,' 'Babysoft moon,' 'Peach Crack,' 'Getto Boody,' 'Slick n' slide' and more.
The music began to play loudly across the open beach in front of the outdoor stage. The crowd soon turned and swarmed the outer walk of the arena.
"And it looks like the finalist are coming back out," Miza turned and bounced up and down trying to see over the crowd. "Yes, I see the Judges are returning. The finalist are walking back out." The crowd of onlookers cheered and whistled, wildly. The first woman to walk out was a voluptuous brunette. Waving to the audience as she crossed the stage back and forth, smiling. Her bare body shined from the spotlight that followed her pace. A blue ribbon draped over her right shoulder with the words; 'Dixie' written on it.
"Miss 'Dixie'...Land Delight," rang out from the speakers. She came to center stage and stopped, the people cheered. She cupped her breasts and shook them at the crowd and they reveled louder. She then began blowing kisses to the audience.
Next came another Nude woman walking across the stage with long slender legs, black leather boots and tightly pulled back ponytail of jet black hair. Seductively prancing and wiggling her hips, shooting the 'Bird' at the crowd and saying, "Fuck you." "Mistress 'Spank'em'," the speakers blared. The crowd both cheered and returned her trademark 'Remark'. Her torpedo tits swayed back and forth with her stride. Smiling then bending over to show her ass. The crowd went wild. Her black ribbon of many small words could barely be read; 'Mistress Spank'em, Yank'em and Tie'em up'.
"Miss 'Hills'," the speakers announced as the third woman came out and walked the stage in front of the beach filled with people. Waving back and forth as she walked. Miza and Jimmy made their way to the side of the stage, preparing for the finale. The crowd cheered loudly as "Miss Hills," took her stand next to the other two nude woman. 'Miss Hills' large breasts stuckout like two hills. Two were smiling and waving but one was flipping the crowd off. The Judge handed an envelope to the announcer who took center stage, before, 'Nude Beach'.
"Ladies, Gentlemen, fellow nudist and judges, Thank you for an excellent 3 days of competition." The crowd cheered. "After much consideration, our judges have found..." The announcer begins opening the envelope, a slight hush come across the crowd, then the yelling began again.
Fingers excitedly fumbled to open the envelope. The elderly naked announcer ripped the end open with impatience, he looked at the crowd and smiled. "The winner is..." He continued again, pulling the card up to his feeble eyes, reading. "Miss 'Dixie'."
Miza run up to her with the 'cocklick' microphone and put it to her mouth. The 'Crown' was being placed on her head. Tears running down her face, trailing black mascara over her rosy round cheeks. Mistress told her to "Fuck off Bitch," while 'Miss Hills' hugged "Miss Dixie" and said. "Congratulations." Giving 'Dixie' a kiss on her lips. The speakers blared loudly a tune, starting the winners walk in front of the stage with one dozen thornless red roses.
'Dixie' walked slowly and seductively across the wooden floor. Waving and blowing kisses, giving her breast a shake towards the people watching. Bent over and shook her ass wildly. The crowd roared with cheers and whistles. 'Dixie's' breasts flowed with grace in their bouncing way. Her smile was big and her teeth sparkled in the spotlight that beamed toward her 'bare' bush every chance it got. Dixie curtsied center stage, blowing kisses as she then turned to leave, the announcer soon began his list of 'evening activities' and plug the 'sponsors' once more.
"Dixie...DIXIE," Miza yelled. Dixie walked over to the stage exit where Miza stood with Jimmy. The camera constantly 'on'. Dixie was crying happy tears and sniffling. Miza put the cocklike microphone between their mouths.
