amys-day
ADULT HUMOR

Amys Day

Amys Day

by nocomeupance
19 min read
4.0 (2200 views)
adultfiction
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Quick author's note: This piece was originally written in collaboration with someone who had a very specific kink for a particular scene from an early episode of the TV show Bewitched. So, that's why an OC with magical powers abruptly shows up in a world that heretofore was more or less mundane, albeit with the scales of chance tipped against the hapless protagonist.

Also, this story is intended to be read alongside Melody's Day, the events of which occur in parallel, and Amy and Melody's Evening, which occurs when the two stories come together at the end.

***

Amy Brown strode up the steps from the subway, resisting the urge to take them two at a time for sheer, pent-up joy. Today was going to be a great day. The first warm weather of the season had finally swept through the New York City area and Amy had enjoyed the feeling of sunlight on what little skin she had exposed during the brief walk from her now-shared apartment to the subway. The subway exit actually had its egress inside of her office building; a boon during the too-long winter months that had so recently come to an end, but a bit of a curse now that the weather was actually pleasant.

"Maybe I'll take my lunch outside today..." She idly thought to herself as she flashed a badge, along with an ever-so-slight smile, to the security guard.

The guard cringed, certain that the smile presaged a tongue lashing, as it so often did when Amy had found a target on which to vent her bad moods. "A-anything wrong, Ms. Brown?"

"Nothing at all, Horace," Amy tried to broaden her smile, but found it uncomfortable to stretch such seldom-used face muscles. To Horace it looked almost more like baring her teeth, which only made him flinch more.

"Y-y-you have a guest waiting for you. A m-m-miss..." Horace reached over and fumbled for the guest list off the security desk. He accidentally pushed it onto the floor. With a gasp he fell to his knees, desperate to get his interaction with Amy over with before it resulted in a confrontation that would inevitably be "escalated" to his manager.

"Ah, yes, Miss Stephens. When did she arrive?" Amy was trying her best to stay pleasant, but the guard's bumbling wasn't helping. Traditionally, Amy had expected nothing more of others than what she would expect of herself. Of course, since she demanded nothing less than perfection from herself, that had proven to be a... somewhat challenging bar for the world around her to clear. But Amy's fiancée had prevailed upon her to lower her expectations, just a little bit, and Amy had been trying her hardest. Though Horace was making it so very difficult...

"Ah!" he shouted, finally having maneuvered the paper in front of his wrinkly old face, "Yes, she signed in at... 6:50 this morning. Wow, she was here pretty early!"

"No, she arrived exactly when I meant her to arrive. Good girl. This will be fun." The side of Amy's lip curled into a familiar smirk. Horace gulped, glad that the smirk seemed aimed at Miss Stephens rather than himself. Mercifully, Amy walked away to the elevator bank.

Amy pressed the button to summon the elevator. She whipped her phone out of her breast pocket to check the time. 8:53 AM, perfect. Just enough time to get upstairs, deposit Miss Stephens in the conference room, and get settled into her office by nine o'clock. She noted a text message from her fiancée: "Luv U, Huney! Knock 'em dead! SO excited 4 2nite! <3" Amy mentally suppressed her natural inclination to grind her teeth at the misspelled, slang-ridden text.

She texted back, "I am excited for tonight as well. I will see you back at the apartment after work." She paused a moment before hitting Send. A few moment's debate later, she smiled. "Oh, why not?" she thought to herself, then added ":-)" at the end of the text. It was the anniversary of their first date tonight, why shouldn't she indulge her "wild side?"

The elevator arrived and Amy stepped in and pressed the button for the mislabeled 14th floor. She spent a moment, as she did every time she rode the elevator, sneering at the superstitious nitwits who had labeled her floor, the 13th, as 14. How on Earth someone could have the education and training to become an architect yet still subscribe to medieval superstitions she had no idea.

Speaking of medieval nonsense, Amy turned her thoughts to the day's meeting. Miss Octavia Stephens, junior account executive at a Madison Avenue advertising agency. Nothing wrong with that, per se, though Amy didn't really see the social value in advertising. The problem was her side business, if it could be called a business. Miss Stephens had supposedly taken an interest in witchcraft, or sorcery, or some similar nonsense. She was supposedly planning to open an occult store and had spent a positively stupid amount on preliminary costs, books, geegaws and nonsense. And yet she hadn't leased a storefront yet.

Amy grinned maliciously. She had been looking forward to this meeting. Now, technically, the issue wasn't the business she was getting into. Amy wasn't supposed to pass judgment on the validity of a taxpayer's business, and certainly not on the idiocy of her "religious" beliefs, just on whether what Miss Stephens was doing was a business or a hobby. But Amy couldn't resist. She would metaphorically throw this little "witch" up against a wall, get her to admit she was a charlatan, and have her signing a decision document conceding the entire case by the end of the day. Then Amy would leave work precisely on time (a rare indulgence for the work-a-holic) and join her fiancée for an evening's revelry.

The elevator door opened and Amy walked into the lobby. There, sitting in a chair, was a spritely young woman in a well-fitted black suit. She wore a straight skirt hanging loosely about her knees and a dark blue blouse. She had black hair, straight on top, falling into loose curls around her shoulders, with curly little bangs draped over her forehead. Everything about her could be described as cute, her dimpled cheeks, heart-shaped face, wide icy-blue eyes, button nose. Not witch-like at all. She popped out of her seat instantly on seeing Amy.

---

It had been close to two hours and still no sign of her. Octavia checked her cell phone once again. 8:50. She had been told to arrive for the meeting by 7:00 AM and to get here early to allow plenty of time to get through security. The nice old man at the security desk had ushered her through, but something about his eyes looked kinda... sad when she had told him she was here to meet Amy Brown. Still, she'd pushed her worries down and hopped onto the elevator. She had been delighted to note that the meeting would take place on what was secretly the 13th floor; 13 had always been her lucky number, and she thought it boded well for her soon-to-be sorcery business.

Octavia hoped nothing had happened to Amy on the way in to work today. She really just wanted to get this tax business resolved so she could get back to her day job at the ad firm and, more importantly, to her side job preparing to open her magic shop. Amy had been fairly curt and just a tad insulting, though always in a veiled way, in her letters. Still, Octavia felt she had a lot of winning charm in person and was certain she could convince Amy to let her take the deductions she had requested.

*Ding!* The elevator chime sounded and out strode a somewhat tall woman with shoulder-length brown hair in a neat ponytail and horn-rimmed glasses. Her face was slender and severe, with piercing dark-blue eyes and a thin mouth. Octavia thought she saw a bit of a smile as the woman walked out, replaced by a serious grimace the moment she noticed Octavia. The woman wore a slate gray pantsuit, perfectly tailored, and a soft pink dress shirt. She wore black heels, Octavia guessed around 3 inches, stiletto, but she didn't have the eye to guess the brand.

Octavia leapt up and walked over, extending a hand. "Hi, I'm Octavia. You wouldn't be Amy, would you?"

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The woman sniffed. "I am Amy Brown, yes." She took Octavia's hand, gave it a single perfunctory pump, then dropped it. "I am the attorney assigned to handle your Tax Court case. Please follow me." She had already walked past Octavia and, without even a backwards glance, made a quick "follow me" gesture with her hand as she opened the set of wide double doors into the main office.

Octavia laughed awkwardly. "You're actually, like, the fourth person I thought was Amy while I was waiting. There was one really nice lady, I think her name was... Liz? She had blonde hair? She said you'd be along soon."

Amy sniffed, not dignifying Octavia with a glance as she opened the doors and led Octavia through them. "It's a shame for you that Liz isn't handling your case. I'm sure she'd have been happy to spend the entire day discussing magic and rainbows and all manner of fanciful nonsense. Now please be seated..." Amy gestured to the conference room, empty but for a table, some chairs, a telephone, and a piece of Government Approved Art on the wall, "...I will be with you shortly."

Octavia entered the room, nonplussed. She turned to face the attorney, who remained outside.

"But I thought-" Octavia was interrupted by Amy closing the door in her face. This might be harder than she had anticipated...

---

Amy was pleased that Octavia turned out to be exactly as naïve and foolish as she had expected. A bit too perky for her tastes, though. Amy would have to fix that. Back in law school Amy had read Franz Kafka's The Trial. In her professional career she had found its lessons to be far more useful than the mountains of case-law she had read for her various classes. Taxpayers, she had learned, could be broken down with a few fairly simple techniques. One of them was to make them come in at unusual hours, then leave them waiting endlessly. One time Amy had even scheduled a meeting with a taxpayer for 4 AM on December 25th. Surprisingly, they had shown up. Amy, of course, didn't see them until the 26th; after all, who works on Christmas?

Amy unlocked her office door and settled in. She had been planning to take care of her meeting with Octavia now, but she judged the perky little thing needed just a little more breaking first. She moved the meeting in her schedule to 1 PM, just after lunch. Then she tended to her other paper-work for a while.

A few minutes later her phone buzzed. She pulled it out and saw another text from her fiancée. "Do you hear the people sing?" This time Amy was less amused. She was meeting her fiancée for dinner tonight at Le Cirque, and afterwards they had tickets to see Les Misérables on Broadway. Amy's fiancée had been irritating her by singing showtunes all week. Amy had seen Les Misérables before and found it decent enough, for a musical. She appreciated the tragedy, that Javert, who until the ending had been an unstoppable, unerring force of nature in pursuit of the law and justice, would have a moment of weakness and allow the criminal Valjean to escape. Amy reflected that she, too, might contemplate suicide if she had committed such a grave dereliction of duty. Regardless, if she had been pursuing Valjean, there would have been one more empty chair at an empty table to sing about.

Amy elected not to respond to this text; it would only encourage her fiancée to send more texts in reply, and Amy had a busy day planned with no time for an interminable, pointless "textversation." She had communicated everything she needed to in the prior text; why waste both of their time with pointless pleasantries?

---

The hours stretched on, and Octavia was getting very, very bored. She also couldn't help starting to feel just a tiny bit annoyed. Why had Amy called her in so early if she was just going to make her sit in this stupid empty conference room all day?

She leaned back and stared at the ceiling. Again. She contemplated counting the tiles on the ceiling for the third time. 148 and a third (counting the edge tiles as fractional tiles). Probably the same count again this time, but what else was there to do?

A naughty idea creeped into her head. Maybe... Maybe she could try out that clairvoyance spell she had just learned about. She wasn't very powerful, and she wasn't super familiar with the spell, but Amy shouldn't be too far away. Maybe if she concentrated really hard....

She twitched her nose, causing a light ringing to sound in her ears. *Deedle-eedle-ee!* Closing her eyes, she saw a fuzzy vision of Amy coalesce into view. Amy was walking down a hallway in the office. Octavia concentrated further and could faintly make out the sound of Amy's footsteps. Amy stopped and knocked on a door, next to which was a nameplate: Gerald McGirk, Associate Area Counsel...

---

Amy had just gotten a call from her manager, Gerald McGirk, asking her to come to his office. She knocked on the door and he beckoned her in.

McGirk's office was spartan. A few commendations decorated the wall, but most of the extra-large office was taken up by his desk. As she walked in, Amy saw him closing a window for The Sludge Report, a muckraking conservative website. McGirk was a die-hard Republican, and, somewhat unusually for an IRS employee, felt income tax should basically be eliminated. Just a low flat tax, no deductions. It'd put them all out of a job, but he didn't allow his self-interest to interfere with his principals. Amy liked that about him.

She also liked that McGirk was utterly ruthless and kept her on as long a leash as she wanted. While he didn't like taxes, he disliked lawbreakers even more. So as long as he was enforcing those unjust tax laws he wanted to re-write, he gave Amy the freedom to go to the absolute legal limit of how much the IRS was allowed to brutalize taxpayers, and even occasionally looked the other way as she danced over that line.

Today he looked exhausted, which was somewhat unusual. He probably spent two-thirds of his time in fights with Liz over how much to give away to taxpayers. Still, no matter how much time he'd spent getting wheedled by Liz into giving away the store, he usually perked up when he saw Amy. He always loved to hear how Amy was twisting their metaphorical balls this time.

"Close the door. Have a seat." Amy felt a slight nervous pang. He usually reserved closed-door meetings for annual reviews and discipline. What could this be about? She did as she was told and looked at him.

Gerald McGirk had a thin, sallow face. His sunken, beady brown eyes looked out from behind circular glasses. He had a large round nose and thin brown-and-grey hair. His jaw was perpetually covered by a gray and black five o'clock shadow. He grimaced at Amy.

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"I just talked to John." John was John D'Amato, McGirk's boss, the Deputy Area Counsel. "He just had a meeting about you with Mary." Mary Wilkins was the Area Counsel, in charge of all tax matters east of the Hudson River. "Apparently some taxpayers have been complaining to their congressmen about you." As was his habit, McGirk eschewed the politically correct "congresspersons."

"I don't see why Congress should care about how I enforce the laws they write..."

"There's talk about having a new round of hearings on taxpayer abuse at the IRS."

"I suppose, if there's systemic abuse going on, it only makes sense to-"

"The hearings are just about your abuses of taxpayers."

"Oh." Amy was cowed, slightly. Obviously she didn't think that Congress would be right to come down on her, and she felt it was ludicrous that Congress would get in the way of a bureaucracy that was just executing its crazy laws to the best of their ability, but the fact was that Congress had more than enough power to make her life miserable.

"Look," he sighed, taking off his glasses and cleaning them, "You've got to start settling cases. I know you hate conceding issues, and I hate it, too, but you've got to throttle back, you know? Listen to these people, make them think you care about them, give up just a little bit. A lot of times all they want is to think someone cares about them and they'll give you what you want." He looked up and stared Amy straight in the eyes. "And they won't complain about you."

Amy couldn't stop from rolling her eyes. McGirk flashed her an angry glare.

"Let's see here, what's on your calendar..." He grabbed a paper off his desk and started looking over it. "Oh, you've got Stephens in today. There's a good one. Show me you can do this. I want that case cleared off your schedule by close of business. That means she walks out of here with a settlement. We can't have any more incidents; if you think you can't handle it, just let me know and I'll transfer the case to-" He visibly grimaced, "-Liz."

Amy's mouth gaped open and closed like a fish as she tried to wrap her head around what he was saying. Could he really be asking her to give in?

"Well... What if... What if I convince her she's wrong? That she has to give up on all the points of contention? Am I required to concede anything?"

He sighed, "IF she concedes, that's fine. But don't bully her, don't extort her, and for God's sake, be willing to concede SOMETHING, so long as it keeps her happy!"

The smirk returned to Amy's face. This would be a challenge, but one she felt she was up to. "Alright," she rose from her chair, "Ms. Stephens is about to get a taste of the kinder, gentler Amy Brown. Let's see how she likes it."

McGirk removed his glasses again and rubbed his temples. "Just don't get any more complaints, Amy..."

---

Back in the conference room, Octavia smiled. She opened her eyes and blinked a few times to regain her bearings. It looked like Amy was going to have to give her something. Now she knew she had the advantage.

The conference room door swung open. Amy stood there, a neatly maintained file folder in the crook of her arm.

"Sorry for the wait, Miss Stephens" she said in a way that made it very clear that she was anything but sorry, "Let's get down to business."

Octavia smiled. She knew Amy would have to listen to her, and she was CERTAIN that just listening to her story would win Amy over.

"Before we get to the specifics, I think it'd help if I told you how I decided to start my business."

Amy sat down across from Octavia and gritted her teeth. Ordinarily she would cut off a taxpayer who was getting prepared to tell her life story, as it was generally a waste of time, but apparently that wasn't acceptable anymore in the modern IRS. Amy did her best to affect a pleasant smile and failed miserably.

"Please, tell me all about yourself," She tried to make her plastered-on grin even wider; the result was unnerving, "and by all means, don't spare ANY details!"

Octavia was taken slightly aback by Amy's strange imitation of a smile, but she launched into her story anyway. "Well, I grew up an ordinary girl in Westchester, New York. I went to school and majored in marketing, then worked my way up in the advertising world," she paused a second, looking wistful, "But still... It's great to have creative work, and the salary is certainly nice, but I've been getting exhausted from the long hours and the daily grind. My love life is in shambles, since I don't have any time to date, and when I do date it's impossible to work a relationship around my schedule. I'm sure you know all about that." Octavia smiled sweetly at Amy.

Amy sniffed. "Actually, I don't. I generally find romance to be quite pointless. I did, however, find myself unable to fulfill certain needs, so I signed up with a dating website. Modern online dating is quite clean and efficient. It's how I found my fiancée. We respect each other's boundaries and meet one another's needs." Just then she felt her phone start vibrating. She pulled it out and glanced at it; her fiancée was calling. This clearly wasn't the time for a conversation, so she ignored it.

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