The Cycle of a Findom Addict

The excitement, the urge, the climax and the shame

You have experienced something similar before, it is not "you", like not the normal you but the: "it would be so fun" you, the "think about how sending will feel" you. Something posses your body, your mind, you start fantasizing about having a drain, a strong drain, you start to have intrusive thoughts on being controlled, debilitated even manipulated by a woman, you begin to anticipate the excitement of sending while lurking. You haven't sent a single sent but yet, congratulations, you have entered the cycle of findom again.

So if you happen to be someone completely clueless about findom you have to do your homework and educate yourself reading any post from here you are not familiarized with Done? Ok, where were we?

Findom addiction it's not openly discussed (even less studied), yet so many findom submissives find themselves "enslaved" into a compulsive behavior. As a consequence, findom participants who look for help regarding their addiction are simply told: close twitter and get over it. As a findomme, I off course, love findom, I can practice it in a way I don't find it conflictive with my boundaries and core values and can only wish for everyone to do the same.

The aim of this article is to help submissives to understand the bigger picture of the findom addiction cycle so they can become better communicators of their needs with their domes or even make decisions having their best interest in mind regarding this lifestyle.

Disclaimer: all opinions here are my own, this should not be used or considered as professional advise, if you or someone you love is suffering from some sort of addiction get in touch with relevant institutions that can help you. I used the scientific evidence discussed in studies of the neuroscience of addiction made by the Tampere University in Finland and Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US), referred in the end of the article.

The addiction

Being a findom addict is not that different to be a substance addict (or at least that's what neuroscientist say) as the pathways of reward activated in the brain are similar to those activated in substance abuse. The cycle of addiction has been already studied and explained by science. It starts with abstinence followed by a trigger that activates a craving, then you find yourself looking for that hot interaction that will lead you to that cathartic numbing moment, followed by a feeling of shame. It's like the pleasure and the pain of dancing with the devil.

Think about it as a roller coaster. You jump in because you are looking for that rush, it starts to build up, you start to look for a findom who you want to send money to, who has that "je ne sais quoi". That makes you want to get on that seat and start fantasizing about how exciting and hot will those sends be, the train starts to move, you make your first send, it is getting hotter and hotter you are on the top of the mountain, the excitement starts to build up while you move towards the top, so close to get that climax of your big spend, you can't stop it anymore, and once you are up that's it you release, and from now is a free fall. All that dopamine release leaves a hole and suddenly: There you are, wondering what were you doing.

The vicious findom cycle in detail

Step one: You feel like it could be fun to jump into a roller coaster aka The trigger

Triggers are hard to pinpoint as they can be a word, a bad day, a sense of stress. It starts a neurological pathway where you start considering and recalling ways you have used in the past to cope with it, escape from it, make it go away, in this case: findom.

Other kind of triggers: "stimuli"

Stimuli are triggers such as interacting with a certain goddess, an internet platform, a command, symbols that the brain starts to associate with the findom practice and it's rewarding effects.

Over time, these associations can activate the dopamine system on their own and trigger powerful urges to get involved into a findom practice. These "wanting" urges are called Positive reinforcement. As a result, exposure to certain type of woman, places, or things previously associated with the practice can serve as "triggers" or cues that promote substance seeking and taking, even in people who decided to quit findom.

In other words, if a Domme used a command to and you associated a sexual/ emotional positive pleasure to it, chances are that when you see a bunch of money, a foot etc you will be compelled and driven to send.

Triggers lead to cravings

You start the "hunt" for the new Domme.

Called also: The preoccupation/anticipation stage of the addiction cycle is the stage in which you may begin to seek involvement in a findom practice again after a period of abstinence. In this stage, an addicted person becomes preoccupied with do findom again. This is commonly called "craving."

In other words, this is were the curious you, the "It will be a harmless search you" becomes the I "NEED IT" and I "NEED IT NOW" you.

During the craving stage, the ability of the brain to organize thoughts and activities, prioritize tasks, manage time, make decisions, and regulate one's own actions, emotions, and impulses is reduced, this might explain why you feel like some sort of primal "demon/beast/thing" stronger than you is taking control.

Looking for the climax and the strong emotion, welcome to the Binge/Intoxication stage

Now at the top of the mountain, Once you start to send you are experiencing what experts call: Binge/Intoxication, the stage at which an individual starts to send compulsively and experiences its rewarding or pleasurable effects (the train of the roller coaster moving up).

You NEED TO SCAPE, you have an URGE to make things go away, parts of you also doesn't want to think, because thinking and rationalizing what you are doing is only going to ruin the experience and you won't reach climax.

The positively reinforcing effects of a findom practice like release sexual tension or the excitement of having a goddess interacting with you tend to diminish with repeated use. This is called tolerance and may lead to use of the performance of a stronger findom interaction such as sending bigger amounts of money, taking higher risk, or doing it more frequently in an attempt to experience the initial level of reinforcement.

The trigger and compulsion leads to a habit formation

As the findom practice progresses, the repeated activation of the "habit circuitry" in the brain contributes to the compulsive seeking and behavioral practice labeled as an addiction, and it is a free fall from here.

The ritual element in the compulsive findom addiction

Ritual behaviors can be described as activities, thoughts or ideas that addicts engage in as part of their addiction. Once ritual behavior has started it is hard for most addicts to turn away. In a sense, ritual behavior can be seen as preparation leading to acting out. For example, a findom addict may start looking at Goddesses to serve and fantasizing about sending money and being used.

The longer an addict is engaged in ritual behavior the harder it may be for them to stop the cycle.

The possible outcomes: the regret

Why do I keep doing this? What will others think about me? I said I was quitting!

A findom practice that still conflicts with your inner boundaries will most of the time bring feelings of regret, which is normal as most of the slaves don't know or want to understand their own boundaries. Some even feel the fact of act out on their addiction leads to feeling shame.

For many addicts the next part of the cycle, guilt, is immediate. In this stage guilt arises from having acted out. These additional feelings of guilt now act upon the addict and they continue to move in the cycle.

Sometimes, even the guilt from acting out in the past can become the triggering event as they move in the cycle to craving, ritual behavior, using and circling back around to guilt.

A person may go through this cycle over the course of weeks or months or progress through it several times in a day. There may be variation in how people progress through the cycle and the intensity with which they experience each of the stages. Nonetheless, the addiction cycle tends to intensify over time.

Traits of the perfect addict

Impulsivity

An inability to resist urges to send to a goddess, deficits in delaying gratification, and unreflective decision-making. It is a tendency to act without foresight or regard for consequences and to prioritize immediate rewards over long-term goals.

Compulsivity

Repetitive behaviors in the face of adverse consequences, and repetitive behaviors that are inappropriate to a particular situation. People suffering from compulsions of sending and interacting with goddesses often feel emotionally compelled to perform those actions. Doing so reduces tension, stress, or anxiety.

The relapse: why is it so hard to quit?

Withdrawal/Negative Affect Stage: During of the stage of quitting "cold turkey", a findom submissive who has been using findom as a compulsion experiences withdrawal symptoms, which include negative emotions (such as depression, stress or anxiety). Which often leads the person to go back to a findom practice again to relieve the withdrawal symptoms.

Stress: the say old habits die hard I say old associations die hard. If your brain has already made a deep association with being used, controlled as a coping mechanism that helps you to release stress and get into a numb zone, all I would say it's that is a slippery slope. Stress is a serious impediment to addiction recovery and may lead to a desire to escape.

Escapism: Escaping reality is a major component of the addiction cycle.

Also the level of pleasure you experience from findom, might cause an impairment in your brain that leads you to do not derive the same level of satisfaction or pleasure from other once-pleasurable activities, making it hard to find different things that make you feel as good as findom. What is the feeling that you feel after a period of abstinence that makes you want to dip into findom back again? Most of the times there is a pattern present.

How to know if your findom practice is out if control

The cycle of addiction and the feelings of pain, guilt, and shame keep the addict suspending in a swirling tornado of deterioration.

Your relationships, job, and personal safety often suffer from the repetitive process of the addiction cycle.

The solution

What are your boundaries in a findom practice? (Please stop answering I don't know)

Pinpoint that emotion that makes you fantasize about compulsive findom: The need to shut down the emotions is part of the problem many addicts have. The way for the addict to subdue the emotion or feeling is to act out on a findom practice. The addiction cycle starts with a triggering event that in turn triggers emotions or feelings often associated with a pain. The emotional trigger ignites a desire to squelch that emotion and pain. Have you already pinpoint your triggers?

Don't fight of the feelings of guilt, shame and regret: Resolve your inner conflict. Conflicting with who you are supposed to be and who you are often lead to rely on a Findome who can validate the parts of you that you don't accept often role playing into you embrace then in a scenario where it is not only okay but expected, hence helping you validate your own shadow self (this is a jungian psychology reference, check my other articles on the matter).

Most addicts have little practice in successfully managing negative emotions, even those involved with degradation fetish practices still face an internal conflict that moves between the rejection of that persona because of the social stigma and the pleasure that it brings to them. It is helpful for addicts to practice ways to slow down, block out distractions and focus on being calm. With these practices, those suffering from addiction can become more self-aware and will be better able to recognize emotional triggers before they ignite the addiction cycle.

Be friends with your addiction first, stop the cycle of escaping from it, being ashamed from it and face it, once you face it you will put awareness to your once automated behavior, which is the first step to change.

Journal on your behavior and keep track of it to unveil the hidden pattern.

The NOT TO DO

DONT replace a findom addiction with another addiction

Wich leads us to:

Is there a "healthy way" of accepting and dealing with a findom addiction?

Find a FinDomme who can help you cope with the addiction:

This might be an unpopular opinion but having a Domme who understands addictive behaviors can help you to understand your triggers, your limits and the real reason of your very rooted findom addiction.

Find ways to integrate the behavior into your main conscious persona, find a domme who has a strong set of rules and structure and who you trust will dosify your impulses.

When you as a submissive understand your behavior, it is easier for you to find the right domme, and build a long term relationship which in the end will have healthy boundaries regarding your addiction and will give you some insight on that dark desire that you can't share in your public life.