Chapter 2 -- Amanda Touches Herself
I gave Amanda my address and she agreed to meet me there later that evening.
When I got home, I prepared my bedroom for her arrival, took a shower and put on a long black robe.
My doorbell rang at 8 pm on the dot and I opened my door, still wearing my robe. Amanda was standing behind it with her hands together and her head down, looking at my bare feet.
"Good evening, Dirk," she said softly.
"Good evening, Amanda," I replied, smiling. "I wasn't completely sure that you would come, but I'm so glad you did. Please come in. Would you like some tea?"
She shook her head no and I led her into the living room where we could talk. I sat in an over-stuffed leather chair and she sat on the couch across from me.
"I'm still trying to figure you out," I admitted. "On one hand you seem a bit shy, but on the other hand you can speak very directly. You had the courage to come up to my table and tell me the details of your story. You seemed unfazed when you agreed to meet me and maybe even be intimate with me."
"Well, I'm already 24, Dirk," she began, her voice more assertive. "I feel like I keep getting older but I'm stuck. Like I've been missing out on something for a long time. Like every other women has figured this out already.
"I don't know if you noticed, but I was watching you for a few days before I worked myself up to approach you. I gave this a lot of thought before I made up my mind. I needed to be sure that this is what I really wanted. I needed to be sure that I was attracted to you and would feel comfortable with you.
"Maybe it was desperation that finally pushed me over to your table, but I am glad I did. You seem like a nice man. You're not ugly. Your voice is calm and soothing and you seem like you really care about women."
"Thank you, Amanda," I said. "I was moved by your story and you seem like a very sweet girl." I clasped my hands together, "Now, where should I begin? How about I tell you my story?"
She nodded and smiled. "Yes, please. I want to know about everything."
"Okay, then. Since I was barely a teenager," I began, "I loved touching myself every chance I could and I would read anything I could find for inspiration. There was no internet back then, so I was limited to books, the underwear section of the Sears catalogue, and the occasional adult magazine I snuck from my dad's collection.
"One day I read a story about this thing called 'Tantric Sex'. There were images of Indian men and women, dressed in colourful clothes, locked in a loving embrace in all kinds of exotic sexual positions. The story said that they were doing this for hours.
"I loved the idea that they appeared to have no limits, that it might be possible to feel these beautiful feelings for a long, long time. I was instantly hooked on the concept.
"So I started reading everything I could find on the subject, which wasn't much. There were books written by Westerners along with some ancient Tantric sutras that were translated from Sanskrit to English.
"But the authentic texts didn't really talk about physical sex. They talked about a sacred union--not with your partner, but with 'the universe', with 'god'. In fact, some Tantric sects do not have physical sex with a partner at all. They are celibate. Their union is with the universe itself.
"The Western books usually include a copy of the Kama Sutra somewhere, with all those sexy positions, but I couldn't understand how the one connected to the other.
"I had a feeling that I was missing something, too. That there was some mysterious sutra out there that put all the pieces together. Making this connection took many years, but I was undaunted.
"One day I found a book on Taoist Sexuality. This information came from ancient Chinese sources, not Indian. It was written by a doctor. There was nothing in it about love, intimacy or mental attitudes. It was very clinical and straight-forward.
"It described the sexuality of the male and female body and techniques for maximising your pleasure during sex. It even showed how you could use sex to improve your health. It was full of claims that seemed impossible.
"My partner at the time and myself were sceptical, but open-minded. So we tried a few things that we thought we would like, if only to prove the book wrong.
"Time after time we found that things really worked the way the book claimed. At a minimum, we were unable to prove they were wrong.
"Finally! I thought. This was the missing piece. The missing sutra. The connection between mind and body that I had been missing for all of these years."
Amanda was sitting on the edge of the sofa. Her legs were crossed with her hands resting on her knees. She was fully engaged, looking right at me through her large glasses, nodding as I continued.
"After more experimentation, more trial and error, we found that something magical occurred when we merged the mental attitudes of the Indian teachings with the practical, physical techniques of the Chinese.
"I don't like to call it 'Tantric Sex', because it doesn't necessarily conform to the practices of any specific Tantric cults, but calling it the Tantric style seems like the best description.
"Sex is mainly in you head, Amanda, not your body. How you are thinking in the moment has a great deal to do with how fulfilling a sexual encounter can be.
"Two women may experience the same thing physically but have completely different mental attitudes about it. One woman may love it, look back on it fondly, try to recreate it. But another woman may think it is disgusting, even traumatic.
"Physically they are both experiencing the same thing. It is how their minds are interpreting it that can be very different.
"I think we should start with your attitude about yourself and your partner," I offered. "Let's go up to my bedroom. I want to show you something."
I gently took her hand and led her up to my bedroom. It was tidy and lit with a couple of small, warm lamps and the flicker of some scented candles. My king-sized bed was neatly made, with a large picture over the headboard. At the foot of the bed were two padded chairs with a small table between them.
I led her to one of the chairs and sat down on the other one. When she was settled, I directed her eyes to the picture over the bed. It showed a man and a woman, locked in a loving embrace, staring into each other's eyes.
