"So, Matt, what did you think of the sermon?" I turned the corner into our kitchen and there was my wife Heidi, waiting for me.
The pastor had started a series on sex and sin and we drove the 20 minute trip back home from church in relative silence. I sensed something was brewing.
I met her gaze, which bore a familiar expression: Heidi wanted to have a conversation. I sighed inwardly and positioned myself across from her, coffee cup in hand. This was going to be awkward, although not entirely unexpected having sat in a church pew listening to lofty intonations against lust for an hour. Every now and then my wife would softly punctuate the pastor's remarks with her sounds of churchly approval:
"Hmm...uh-huh...mmm, yah."
Ironically, it reminded me of sex but the pastor tended to draw more audible moans out of my wife in a typical week than I did, and this Sunday he seemed to be providing her more satisfaction than usual.
I've always felt that male pastors had particular influence over my wife. Not in a weird, cult-ish way, but if I had an opinion about some random thing, maybe it was financial priorities or another topic, she'd come out in disagreement, only to back track once she heard the -exact- same opinion from the pastor. It happened on a few occasions, but I found each instance thoroughly infuriating. I was now concerned that the pastor was going to strike again, and on a topic near and dear to my heart: my secret project to convert my sweet but often sexually repressed wife to a lover of freedom, pleasure and fantasy.
I turned the coffee cup in my hand, feeling its warmth and prepared myself to engage. But I was nervous. "Project Heidi," my years long plan to open my wife's mind to new ways of thinking of sex and pleasure was slowly seeing fruit and we couldn't turn back now.
It all began some years back. I was at my wit's end with my wife's priorities in our marriage and her lack of sexual interest and decided to take some real risk for marital and sexual change. I planned a vacation with Heidi and hired a male masseuse to come to our room and provide her with a full body massage. I wanted to watch his expert hands all over her, to see him relax her, and then make love to her while confessing some of my pent-up fantasies and desires. I wanted her to acknowledge that another man could grant her pleasure and enjoy the moment together as husband and wife, a daring fantasy, or sorts. It took many weeks of planning, to select the right masseuse, and importantly, to get Heidi to buy into the idea of a complete stranger coming massaging her half-naked body in our resort bedroom late at night. But all the pieces slowly fit together.
We had just given my wife an intense four hand massage, me and this perfectly built, muscular stranger, and Heidi was clearly enjoying it. She was like jelly in our hands, sighing out loud, remarking how "incredible" it was. After I tipped him generously and it was just me and my flushed and sleepy wife, we fucked intensely, and for the first time in our marriage, I confessed to having sexual arousal watching another man touch her body. This was the most sexually daring thing I had ever done with my church-going wife in our two-plus decade marriage. Her many orgasms that night were validation that these first steps of "Project Heidi" were a success. But I was determined not to let it end there.
The Vacation Massage was just Step 1 in opening my sweet but sexually timid wife to a new way of thinking about sex and our marriage. Of note, massage is now a constant and regular part of our lovemaking routine. She pretty much demands it, much to my happy surprise and will remark "this reminds me of our vacation" every now and then. And we have the hands of a stranger to thank for it.
Step 2 happened a short time later: the 7-Inch Cock. After a few months of getting her open to the idea of receiving a sex toy, there we were in our bed, a $80 realistic looking cock in my right hand. I had taken an impromptu day off from work and it was mid-morning. We had both taken showers, I had massaged her completely, and she was very aroused. I warmed up her Big Cock and lathered it with lubricant.
"You ready, baby?" I asked. My hard on was stretching my shorts.
Heidi rolled her eyes, she had a "I'll let my pervert husband do his thing" look about her, but once I pressed it three inches inside her, something changed. Her expression went from toleration to lust and weakness. I heard my wife moan loudly as she slowly accepted every inch of that 7 inch dildo, bigger and thicker than her husband. I was gentle and careful but her pussy was devouring every inch of it. A minute later, Heidi was sitting partially up in bed, eyes wide open, her hands instinctively gripping her own nipples, playing and pulling at them as she watched that cock disappear in her shaven snatch, lovingly cursing at me for being her "bad boy." Her juices coated the larger cock and she cummed as I was now being more deliberate, plunging it deep into her pussy and talking dirty to her. After 25 minutes of cock fucking, the longest of her life, she grabbed and crawled her way on top of me, her preferred orgasm position, and I massaged and rubbed her to a dozen shuddering climaxes while whispering in her ear about how big that other cock was inside her. Such another beautiful validation from my unsuspecting student. I made an audio recording of it and still jerk off to it to this day. What's more, I told her exactly that some months later.
These two steps were designed to help Heidi slowly accept the idea that both of us could receive pleasure from something, or someone, other than each other. To refuse this primal fact was dangerous. When your wife flippantly remarks, "oh honey, we are only made for each other" or "I could never get pleasure from another man" this is a warning sign. It's intended to be a sweet pronouncement of fidelity and loyalty, but in truth, it is a lazy mindset that invites complacency. When married couples realize that we are prone to wander and stray, that we could find ourselves in another's lustful embrace, it ensures that married lovers will constantly pursue one another and be creative in and out of bed to prevent that from happening. In that sense, fantasy and admitting outside attraction is not a danger to marriage: it helps preserve and protect it.
Step 3 was the Sex Store. Prim and proper little church girl Heidi had always shuddered at the thought of going into a dirty, gross adult shop. But her husband had an elaborate plan. I researched vacation sites and reviewed the best adult shops within the vicinity, checked them out on Google maps and found two vacation destinations that I knew she would love. And I let her pick. The trip was loads of fun, but on our last night, I broached the sex store subject again and lovingly insisted we visit one. We had just finished dinner at a nice restaurant and she had a little more than usual to drink. I could tell she was a nervous but when we walked in to the adult store, it was clean, well-lit, and inviting. We browsed the X-rated aisles as I considered a Fleshlite pussy to fuck that night. I had told her that I wanted her to watch me plunge my cock in a pussy sex toy and she giggled in response. We settled on a male stroker featuring a porn star and brought it back to the hotel room. She complemented the store as being a pleasant place to visit while she lubricated my pussy toy. Later that night, I moaned loudly and dumped every drop of pent up lust I had directly in to that porn star's makeshift pussy, filling it with my sperm while staring deeply into my wife's eyes.
Step 4 was the "Penthouse Magazine Fantasy" and I worked it in before we left the sex store. We had just purchased my male stroker and on the way out I revealed that I had always wanted to masturbate directly into a Penthouse magazine while she watched. We stood in the adult store just before the exit in front of a magazine rack of X-rated porn stars in compromising positions. Heidi was initially silent for just a moment as it sunk in, but she didn't get upset. "Maybe we can work up to it," she replied. We talked about it some more on the drive back to the hotel.
To be clear, I don't need a "magazine" to get aroused with my wife. However, I WANT to look at a magazine and feel aroused with my wife. I wanted to do this for a couple reasons. First, to have her by my side and sharing in my desires. I'd rather have her with me than do it alone, any day of the week. Second, it is a means of mutual couples therapy for all the times I had done it before, due in part to her lack of sexual interest and creativity, basically a "hey honey, this is what I've been up to all this time as we didn't take care of each other, observe closley, church girl" moment, and third, because Step 5 was coming and I needed to prepare her.
Step 5: The Porn Manifesto. A few months later, I freely acknowledged to my wife in writing that I frequented sex shops to make up for the many weeks of sexual drought throughout our marriage. I wrote her a love letter about how I desired her, how much fun I had on our recent vacations but that I wanted to be honest about my desires and the way I dealt with lack of sex. I gave her the four page letter and watched as she read it. I was completely vulnerable and incredibly aroused.
In detail, I wrote that I jerked off to pretty ladies rubbing their pussies and playing with sex toys. I even described how I masturbated into the pages of X-rated magazines and how wonderful it felt, and that I had erotic, dirty fantasies that I wanted to tell her. I took care to describe in great detail my penchant for messy hand jobs while watching porn stars moaning as they slid soft sex toys deep in their flesh. That other times I would watch a compilation video of couples fucking happily and masturbate as I fantasized that Heidi was the one getting the deep pounding. I truthfully told her that at other times I would watch porn and not masturbate at all because I enjoyed learning something new.
But I made clear to her in no uncertain terms that although I preferred creative sex with her to solo porn, that in the absence thereof, it was going to be porn and cum all over my chest in the alternative. This side hobby/coping device would continue in direct correlation to Heidi's decision about spending more time together and our overall sex life. My creed was an invitation to a delightful new world of naughty.
Her initial response to all that information is what I would describe as restrained acceptance. Based on that, I thought we were on the verge of an erotic treaty as it were, a path to marital peace, a road to something new and exciting.
