More Than Meets the Hair

Writing this will be very therapeutic for me. These are things I wish I could say to people, but in real life you can't. So I'm going to post this here, in hopes that everyone learns a lesson. Maybe it will reach the far ends of the earth! Maybe the customers where I work will learn a lesson, and I'll never be irritated again! (Okay, I doubt it.)

I hope you all learn a very important lesson by reading this. Ya know, it's really for public safety. Hairdressers have sharp objects! And you have ears and eyes and other places that pointy things can poke into just fine! *evil laughter* But seriously, this is mostly tongue-in-cheek, but I mean every word. Enjoy!

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1. Bathe.

No really. You'd be surprised how many people don't. If you're worried about how you look to the point you actually get a haircut, wash your business before you come. As a side note, deodorant is non-toxic. Really. It won't hurt you.

2. Don't bring sick kids.

Seriously. So you kept them out of school because they're a snot nosed brat. Wonderful! They should be on the couch watching movies and eating popsicles. For one, they are miserable and don't have the tolerance to sit and get messed with. Which equals a very unhappy, uncooperative customer. Secondly, I DON'T WANT THEIR GERMS! Ye Gods, if they cough one more time and don't cover their mouth, I'm gonna put their head in a plastic bag. *sweet smile*

3. The ins and outs of bringing a picture.

This is a tough one.

First of all, pick a picture that is close to your hair type. If your hair is stick straight and thin, don't choose one that shows tousled waves that are full of volume. It ain't happenin'. And if you insist your hair be cut that way, please do not yell at me the next time because your hair didn't look like that. No kidding. I done tole' ya and tole' ya.

Secondly, don't choose a style that looks like it takes work to achieve, unless your hair is that exact type. If you don't like messing with your hair in the morning, don't pick it. Let's be honest. People who don't want to mess with their hair are either very short of time, not interested, or just plain lazy. When I don't do my hair- it's because I'm lazy. I've accepted that. So if you don't even like washing your hair, (such as the people in number one,) don't pick one that seems like it needs anything but a brush.

Lastly, what kind of face shape do you have? If you've got a honkin' honker, don't choose anything that points at your nose. If you have a double chin, don't pick one that points at it. Got it?

*sigh* But people do. Then they get their hair cut, then next time they say, "Well, I think it showed off my double chin." *slaps forehead* Yeah, I know. These are called 'danger zones' for a reason people! Some people just like to bitch and moan about their style, when it's not me. It's them. If you like nothing- if no length looks right, no style turns out like it's supposed to- well, I'm about to break your heart, but its your stupid hair and your ugly face. Just sayin'. *wink*

4. Leave your kids at home if at all possible

For real. You're going to spend more time yelling at them, checking on them, and moving around in my chair than actually getting your hair cut. A.) you're holding me up and are going to make me run late. B.) It's hard to hit a moving target, so if your hair cut is jacked up, don't come crying to me! And C.) This is supposed to be 'your' time. Wouldn't it be much nicer to be able to sit back and relax, and enjoy your experience? And D.) If your kids are making you nuts, how do you think everyone else feels? Oh, and E.) 'Hairdresser' is not another word for 'babysitter'. So any unoccupied stylist most definitely would mind watching your children. (Okay, not all of them mind. But some people just don't like kids. Please don't pawn them off on us.)

5. Sharing is Caring... but..

I love getting secret, personal information. It's so exciting! It makes life worth living when your client tells you their deep dark secrets. But some people cross the line.

'Oh, yeah that's nice you're a drunk slut. Hmm. Yeah, once you sleep with more than one guy a the same bar you have to move on.'

'Oh really? A freckle? On his penis? Wow, I'm never going to be able to look at him the same again. Thank you for that!'

Those are true stories. Yes, I want to hear about your children that are fuck ups, yes I want to hear about your failing marriage, yes I want to hear about your grandma's sister's daughter's cousin's abortion.

But there is a line. There are boundaries. And some people just don't respect that. If I've done your hair for years, then yes, I'm okay with the more-secret-than-secret information. But if it's the first 'date', please don't go past first base. I'm a bit of a prude like that. *grin*

6. Time management

If you are going to just walk in for a haircut, there are a couple things to keep in mind. First of all, you aren't as important as the other people sitting there that made appointments. It's just a fact of life. So don't get huffy that you aren't the next one in the chair. We'll get to ya when we get to ya. That's all there is to it. Secondly, just sit there with your mouth shut, please. We don't need your snide comments under your breath, or the snide comments you make out loud, for that matter. As a side note- don't get up and leave in a swirl of anger and irritation. Trust me. Because not a minute after you leave, an operator will open up, and we'll all get a laugh at the asshole that should have waited. *smirk*

On the flipside of this, if you make an appointment, please make a conscious effort to be on time. For one thing it's rude. You are now going to make us late for the rest of our day. Do you know how many unhappy people that makes? A lot. The customers get mad, we get flustered, and if you're at the end of the day with a picture of Angelina Jolie and you look like John Goodman, well, we aren't going to have much patience for you. *wink*

I learned in high school band that early was on time, and on time was late. So that is how I live my life. Arriving a couple minutes before your appointment time won't kill ya. However, don't get there fifteen minutes early and then bitch because you've been waiting. You're only allowed to piss and moan if the big hand on the clock swoops past your appointment time. Those are the rules!

7. Be considerate

This goes along with the last one. Don't act like our time isn't as important as yours. Which means- don't call to make an appointment and then get nasty because we can't get you in yesterday. It also means- be on time for your appointment. Oh, I already said that? Well, that means it's the most important thing. If you're a habitual get-there-late kinda person... we don't like you. It's just a fact of life. I literally have people I book a half hour later than they say, which means they get there at least fifteen minutes late. If you're going to be that late- you're gonna get the world's worst haircut. Just another fact of life! *smile*

8. Hairdressers are on earth to make you happy

Getting your hair done can be one of the most enjoyable experiences you can have. Ideally, you like your stylist, and they can become a friend of sorts. You share, you laugh, you cry. You may give gifts at Christmas, you may give extra money for their birthday. (hint hint. Haha!) We will always try to cater to your every need. A good hairdresser fawns over their clients. (Hey, we gotta make money somehow, right?) Don't take it too personally if you just can't get 'close' to your stylist. It either means they don't really like you, or that we've been burnt before.

As a stylist, you get invited to weddings and baby showers and funerals and the grandma's sister's cousin's niece's baptism. You feel like part of the family. You get so warm and fuzzy, and you just love this client. Then BAM! The client treats you like a servant. You're abruptly shoved back into your place. As the hairdresser, you aren't their friend. You will always be their hair person. You are a second class citizen. Which equals- burnt.

So if your hairdresser keeps to themselves, its because they don't want to get too close. Or they just aren't a people person, which means they're in the wrong line of work. Or again, they don't like you. *smile*

9. Tips, tips, tips make the world go 'round

Some salons work so that the hairdresser isn't any better than a waitress. You live on tips! Thankfully, I'm not in that position. However... tips are nice.

I know it's in bad form to bring it up, but I think some people just really don't know you're 'supposed' to tip your stylist. Tips are appreciated when good service is rendered. And I'm telling you- I get a complex when I don't get a tip. Sometimes. I'm afraid they really hated their hair! If I see someone pull the exact amount out, I don't get a complex. I know that they just don't know, or don't care.

With the economy now-a-days (I am soooo tired of hearing that!) I know times are tough. But guess what? People didn't tip long before we entered this depression we're having. Typically, old people will leave you a 'change' amount. No lie. Where I work, a haircut for a senior citizen is ten dollars. Why do I get $1.10 or $1.20 a lot? Just make it a dollar. Silly. Younger people leave a buck or nothing at all. Middle aged people are the best tippers. Yes, yes, make it rain and toss me that fiver. That's right. *grin*

In all seriousness, a dollar or two isn't going to kill you. And if you're a woman getting a chemical service, please keep in mind I just fawned over you, brought you a glass of water, and devoted all my time and energy to you for at least two hours. I'm now drained. My eyes are clacking around in my head. Help me out. I'm so thirsty... *passes out* Okay, that was dramatic. But ya get what I'm saying.

My worst tip encounter was in beauty school. I did a full head highlight which cost $24.75. We got along wonderfully! We talked, we laughed, we joked.. Ah, it was a good time. I took her and her ticket up front so that she could pay. She literally, and I shit you not, tossed twenty-five dollars on the desk and said, "Keep the change." And walked out the door.

My mouth dropped, the girl working desk about fell down, and I stood there, gaping after her. The desk girl rang in the ticket, and got the quarter and very uncomfortably asked if I wanted it. I said, "Sure. But that's not even enough to call someone who cares."

Please don't ever, ever do that to someone! Keep your quarter! That's more of an insult than anything.

10. That's all I've got

It has been wonderful writing this for all of you to enjoy. I mean no harm, and I hope I didn't offend anyone. I was trying to be funny and still get the point across. Please, be nice to your hairdresser. I bet she's having a rough day because of all the people that don't know these rules. Thanks for reading!