Marriage Material 1

You see him across a crowded room, your eyes meet and there are sparks. You spend the night in childish flirtations and innuendo and finally both have to admit that the chemistry is there and go home together for a night of wild abandonment.

After a quick morning romp and you're out of there, on your way to work. What happens next is totally dependent on whether one or both of you are looking for a relationship and what type of relationship that might be. Sure you don't have to make a life decision based on one night but whether there is a second date or not is definitely in both of your minds.

Take for example the newsflash that apparently Pippa Middleton isn't "marriage material". According to her former boyfriend Alex Loudon (and the ever-reliable Murdoch Media Corporation), this Middleton sister isn't the type of girl a man wants to marry or spend the rest of his life with. For a man to say this about one of the most eligible women on the planet seems rather at odds with what we've long been hearing: that Pippa is different; a breath of fresh air from the bimboesque types; someone special, someone classy. Maybe that isn't his thing, but from what I know, that is exactly the type that men usually see as long term relationship material, if not marriage material.

But, with the media circus surrounding her, being in the media spotlight is apparently not something Loudon wants to get involved with for the long term. So herein lies the question: what type of women are unsuitable to marry? Is it in the eye of the beholder? Or is there a general rule? And, more importantly, what type of man should one refrain from clinging on to as if they're the last eligible man on the planet?

The other day I came across an article in the

Huffington Post

, by Chiara Atik, which claimed that when it comes to the flip side - women looking for men who are indeed "marriage material" - there are seven types of men who definitely do not fall into this category.

While my recent dating experiences may be quite different from that of my friends, being that I am submissive, I rather liked this turn-about on men, women are so readily criticised in the media as too plain, too big, too mousy, too ballsy, too, too, too. It seemed that similar stereotypes were being placed on the other gender as well in more recent times. While this type of stereotyping had less to do with looks than personality it boiled down to the same thing: Potential as a mate for life.

Let's face it, when a woman or a man for that matter turns thirty or even forty thinking they are never going to find that special someone to settle down with, let alone share a seafood platter for two with, the rose coloured glasses become a permanent fixture in their outlook on potential partners. Often the relationships they pursue have their partners meeting very few of their wants and needs in a life partner and ending up pear shaped when the rose coloured glasses eventually lose their power.

I am thinking of my best friend as I write this, who, feeling like she was starting to dig at the bottom of the barrel, and letting anything with male anatomy into her life, giving them not only second chances but third and fourth chances, when they clearly didn't deserve it because she felt she couldn't be so picky anymore!

So, in an attempt to warn the women who are feeling a bit desperate (and spark some interesting comments), here are the seven examples of men who won't make you happy (from that news article by Atik), with my comments and thoughts below. See what you think ...

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"The Man Who Hates His Job"

It's true that the job maketh the man. And when a man is unhappy in his job, career path or with the amount of money he's earning, things aren't going to be pretty when it comes to your burgeoning romantic relationship. Either he won't want to commit any time soon (or at least till he gets things sorted out at work) or, when he's had a bad day (which will be more often than not), he'll take out his aggression on you. On the other hand, a little support, encouragement and inspiration from a girlfriend or partner can go a long way, if you can stand being in the line of fire ...

"The Man Who's Obsessed With His Mother"

Atik says that there isn't enough room in a relationship for you, him and his mother, and yet I've dated a few men who are indeed obsessed with their mothers and, in my books, there's not really anything too wrong about this. I think the big problem is when the mothers are obsessed with their sons.

There are many surveys available online that will show that this is more common than you think. When it comes to these types of MILs, I'm sure you know the drill: no woman (including you) is ever going to be good enough for their precious son. Everything from the furniture in your house to your future kids' names will need to be approved, changed and manipulated by her, and she will be hell bent on making your life a living hell.

As long as your man stands up to his mother and makes you his priority, there's nothing much to fear about this. It really is more common than you think.

"The Man Who Needs To Be Admired"

Having dated my fair share of men who "need" to be admired by every woman on the planet -- whether it be the waitress, his hot work colleague, his ex-girlfriend and any woman really -- I know all too well that this means that you will be always left feeling like second best and of little significance in his life. He's got more women on his speed dial than Charlie Sheen and, while he's busy flirting with the waitress/bar tender/shop assistant, you're left sitting there with a look of chagrin and resentment on your face.

Which is all fine and good, especially considering this type of man doesn't usually cheat on you. The trouble is these sorts of men never change. So unless you want to be constantly faced with competition who may want to attempt to put a wedge in your relationship, you might want to find someone who is a little less desperate for so much attention.

"The Man Who Has Friends You Never Meet"

While I've yet to date a man who refuses to introduce me to his friends, I can see how this might be a man you do not want to fall in love with. I often meet a man's friends pretty early on to gauge whether or not a) he's a good guy and b) if they are aware that I'm even in the picture. But him never letting you meet his friends? Now that's just plain creepy.

I would even go so far as to suggest that you have let yourself become a mistress unknowingly. Be prepared to sneak around for your entire relationship. Or worse yet suffer the indignity of finding out he is embarrassed to admit he is dating you. If he can't introduce you to his friends, or family, I would suggest you run away as fast as you can. Or make peace with the fact that you can never truly be a part of his life in its entirety.

"The Man Who Wants To Rescue You"

I disagree. Every bloke likes to be the knight in shining armour and to be the one to "rescue" their girlfriend should she run into trouble. It's in a man's DNA. And if a man isn't ready to step up and help out when he's needed, he's not worth his testosterone.

As with all things though there are limits, and I understand the average woman's aversion to finding that their independence has been curtailed in favour of a partner who knows best. Personally, as a submissive I don't mind this but I realise it is not in everyone's life path.

"The Man Who Puts Work First"

This one can definitely be a bit of an issue but be aware that it's all about timing. If he's at the beginning of his career and he's working his way up the corporate ladder, good for him! Be supportive, enjoy it and revel in his success alongside him. If, on the other hand, he's nowhere near at the beginning of his career and he's married to his work with no time to court you, date you or help you when you're in need, you might want to rethink whether this is really the right relationship for you.

Every woman needs to feel that they are the priority for their man (within reason). Having him taken away from you by his work can be worse than him having a mistress that you would be fully justified in hating, and ranting and raving over, his career on the other hand is something you should be able to support without resenting the amount of time it takes from your relationship.

"The Man Who Can't Believe You Picked Him"

I love this sort of man! True, sometimes their insecurities can get in the way of them having a good time, but wouldn't you rather be with a man who adored and appreciated you than one who had every other option under the sun and couldn't give two hoots about the fact that he's with you?

The man you're with should think you're the ultimate catch and thank his lucky stars every day that he's caught a woman as wonderful as you. And if he turns around and tells you that you're not "relationship/marriage material", forget him. He simply wasn't the right man for you in the first place ... I know that's easier said than done but you have to ask yourself why would you waste time or energy on someone who never saw you as a long term prospect.

*****

Whether you are looking for a partner who will treat you as an equal, or whether you are dominant or submissive, you deserve to find someone who wants to make you his priority in their life. Atik put forward that the above seven types of men should be avoided at all costs, if it is a long term relationship you are after. I can see why she has highlighted these types as she has but it does not necessarily mean that I agree with them.

What do you think?