How to Spot Arousal in a Woman

I have extremely temperature-sensitive nipples. A slight breeze blows by and the girls stand up like doggies begging for bacon treats. Which invariably makes Mr. Kitt's eyes light up. Every single time. I could have been shivering on the deck of the Titanic and he would have noticed my nipples getting hard in the cold. Seriously.

My inner comedy stage sports a bewildered Seinfeld: "What is up with that?!"

Look, I know there's some association between hard nipples and arousal and all... and yes, my nipples get hard when they're played with and sucked. But in public? You guys... if I'm out in public, my nipples get hard from temperature change, not arousal. If they're not being directly stimulated by, say, rubbing against my shirt or bra for some reason, there's just no nipple action going on. I don't think my nipples have ever perked up because I was turned on by some guy checking me out. But why is it I get the feeling the guy in the other booth just wouldn't believe that?

To quote Mandy Patinkin from Princess Bride, "I do not think it means what you think it means!"

As a woman, I'm much more subtle about my arousal than men. I don't have to worry about a hard penis popping up to say hello when I see something that makes me feel a little randy (or just because I bite into a peach or something...) And when my nipples get hard in public, it's usually a physical response that has little to do with arousal. (Really, guys. I swear.) If I get a little wet, no one's going to notice except me.

Arousal, though, is something men seem to want to be able to gauge concretely in women. They like to see the hard nipples - physical proof! Loud moaning (or even screaming) orgasmic bliss is welcome - she really likes it! And the ultimate proof, of course, is the squirt. There are thousands of web sites devoted to the subject. Except... I hate to break it to you... most of those cases (at least, on screen) are as fake as Sally moaning and slapping the table across from Harry in that infamous diner where everyone wanted what "she was having."

Not that women don't squirt. They do. But the important thing is to be able to differentiate between real arousal and wishful thinking. The reality is that hard nipples don't always mean we want sex. And if I were you, I'd double check that scream she let out during sex - was it actually in response to the pummeling of your cock or because she got a charley horse or was it just that you were leaning on her hair?

And the squirting thing? Women do not have gallons of water in their vaginas waiting to be released. Do some women actually "squirt" during sex? Yes. Is it the bucketfuls portrayed in most porn nowadays? No.

So if you're looking for a "sure sign" of arousal from a woman... you're not going to find it. I'm sorry, guys, but that mythical Holy Grail just doesn't exist. Every woman is different, and every "sign" that she's aroused is going to be different. You can't tell by looking -- women aren't puppies who can be picked up, turned over, and easily identified. Men are, of course, more obvious in their physical response to arousal, and while sometimes I think you guys would love it if we women "were more like guys" in that way -- but honestly, I think you like us just the way we are.

I'm going to tell you the secret to knowing if a woman is aroused -- the secret is, you can't tell. Not unless she wants you to know. That's the beauty of the feminine. She's fickle that way. It might be the nipples getting hard, or the hidden dampness of her panties, or even the light in her eyes when you whisper something naughty in her ear. But then again, it might not. And there's a reason for this -- women want you to pay attention. They don't want it to be the same every time.

Women's genitals are tucked away, like a sweet secret waiting to be uncovered. As a woman I was made to be discovered, explored, and unveiled, one layer at a time. I want you to pay attention, to really listen, to feel into me, through me, and then respond. Women aren't mathematical equations to be solved or figured out. We're mysteries. I like being a mystery. I'm a mystery, sometimes, even to myself... so rest assured, the "sure signs" you may be looking for may not mean what you think they mean.

Except when they do...