How to Masturbate Without a Computer

Man! It's been a crappy day! Just shitty. Work was a hassle and now you're stuck in traffic trying to get home. It's hot. You're tired and you're frustrated. The only think keeping you from going postal is the promise of hot sexy chicks and/or hot sexy guys waiting for you on your computer. Gorgeous naked girls with large soft breasts and round luscious butts; with pouty full lips and long shapely legs. Or it's the hard chiseled bodies of rugged, good-looking men with washboard abs, tight buns and long beautiful cocks. Cocks that make you want to drop to your knees and worship them.

You squirm in your driver seat. You surreptitiously touch yourself hoping none of the other drivers can see you. You wonder if you dare masturbate while in the car. No, you decide. Better to wait until you get home. You sigh. You can't wait to get home.

Finally you make it home. Thank God! You go straight to your computer and get ready to play. Horror! Oh the humanity! Your computer won't even turn on! It could be the power supply or maybe the motherboard is fried. You can't even think clearly enough to figure it out. You must get off and you must get off NOW! But how -- your computer is fried!

Don't panic, my friend. There is a solution. It IS possible to masturbate without using your computer. I know it seems impossible, but it can be done. It involves using some dead technology -- dead tech for short, some household objects and your imagination. It's not easy and will take practice, but you can do it. Here's how.

First, you get your equipment together. Whatever tools you use to whack off at your computer, you'll need. So go get the lotion, lubricant, dildo, pillow, vibrator, butt plug, cucumber, whipped cream or whatever. Take them to a room with a comfortable place to sit or lay and which allows for privacy. Could be your bedroom or could be your living room if you're sure you can be alone. Next, you're going to need to get your hands on some dead tech. This could be a magazine with nude pictures of the correct gendered people. It could be one of those really explicit romance novels. (You know the ones I mean, girls.) It might be an old picture of someone who really turns you on. Whatever you can find.

Got everything? Okay. Now arrange everything so you can easily reach it from where you plan to sit or lay. Yes, lay. Back in the olden days before computers people used to lay down to masturbate instead of sitting in office chairs. I know, it sounds weird, but it's true. (Actually it can be quite comfortable once you get used to it.)

Once you have everything set up the way you like it, undress. You don't have to strip completely, if that's not your thing, but you'll at least need to access to your privates. Then you sit or lay down. In your dominant hand (usually the right) pick up your favorite accessory and begin to play or begin to fondle yourself directly. In your weaker hand (usually the left) pick up your dead tech. If it's a magazine, look at the pictures. Find the hottest body in the most erotic scene. Stare at it for awhile. Don't forget to keep playing with yourself. Study the picture. Let it get you excited. Now, close your eyes. Try to see the picture in your mind's eye. Open your eyes. Look again. Close them. Envision the scene. Keep stroking yourself. Now put yourself into the picture. You're the hot stud fucking the hell out of the blond, tanned chick in the white thigh high stockings and 4-inch patent leather heels with the cutsie bow on them. You're the dominatrix with the whip standing over the smooth skinned boy toy who is worshipping your stiletto heels. Can you see yourself there? Are you getting hotter? Is your hand moving faster over your cock or clit? Keep going. Run your mental movie through to the end.

If you're using a Romance novel or maybe an authentic pornographic novel, your have to work your imagination a bit harder in one respect. You have to imagine what the people look like from scratch. But in another way it's easier because you don't have to imagine what happens. The book tells you. As your stroking yourself or fingering yourself or slowly increasing the speed on your vibrator or slowly sliding the butt plug in deeper the action is unfolding on the page before you. The coeds are jumping their professor for better grades. The pirate captain is ravishing the maiden who protests, but who really can't wait to spread her legs for him. The bored housewife seduces the workman who came by to fix her Jacuzzi.

Now close your eyes completely. Let the dead tech fall from your hand. You don't need it anymore. You see it all in your mind. Your free hand fondles your breasts or your balls. Your other hand is working harder and faster. You see it all in your mind. It's hot and vivid and right in the privacy of your own head. Oh my God! Here it comes... the money shot! But better than you've ever seen it before. It happens just the way you like it. He cums on her tits giving her a pearl necklace. She cums while riding him with his cock deep inside her. They cum together in a glorious sixty-nine on the desk while the professor shoots his cum over both of them.

And you cum too. A deep shuddering orgasm. The kind that usually shakes you out of the office chair and onto the floor. But now you just shake and shudder against the mattress and a big pile of pillows. Now you understand the whole laying down thing. It's definitely more comfortable. You look around your disheveled bed and realize you've knocked over the lube. Damn it! Now you have to change the sheets. You get up to go to the linen closet. You pass your computer and glance down. You see the empty wall socket and realize the computer was just unplugged the whole time.