How to Ill a Good Thing

Four years of trust, friendship and yes, love, down the tubes because of a stupid mistake.

The Open Lifestyle community is a good sized thing but it's not so large that eventually you don't take the chance of running into someone who knows some of the same people. For the most part we are all a fairly close mouthed group. We don't kiss and tell. There are occasions when that does not apply and that would be where we are now. Someone sincerely cares about your health and well being so that they let something slip or describe something that you recognize as too familiar to let pass.

Take the other day when we started seeing another couple. We indicated we preferred to be friends first and that was fine with them. We did have dinner a couple of times and we chatted on the computer and phone to make sure we were compatible.

Now I know it's a bad thing following up on someone but sometimes you can't help it.

About three months ago our steady couple we have been seeing indicated they would be going out with another. That in itself is no big deal except my wife and the husband of the other couple had been on the outs for a while. There were some trust issues that just couldn't be resolved.

We were "mutually exclusive" that is no other couples but us. Or so I thought.

It was hard to maintain a relationship this way, we were still friends, cordial, participating in family functions as we always did.

It had been quite a while though since we were intimate. The other couple (the wife) told me they went on a date and that the couple were nice but they probably wouldn't pursue them as partners. Well that was fine with me, no one ever said you couldn't "date" and check folks out. Just that if you went "horizontal" you protected yourself and your other partners by letting them know and by using condoms.

As fate would have it and we all know how Mr. Murphy rears his head on occasion, my wife and I also started to "date" so we could meet new folks. I was proud of the fact that we were open and honest with each other and our prospective partners.

On our second dinner date, I mentioned the fact that I still had an ongoing relationship with a woman who, I thought, told me everything I needed to know to protect me.

Well as I mentioned, Mr. Murphy was at the table and the couple described an evening they had with another couple. Nothing detailed and absolutely no names, but by the description of events, actions and behaviors, it readily became apparent that they were describing our partners whom we trusted to tell us if they were to get involved with another couple.

We discovered that the couple they were describing, our friends, had been with them no less than two other times and they had been horizontal both times. Although the woman in the new couple could not get over the way the other woman was clinging and hanging on her man. It really got to her to the point I don't believe she enjoyed herself and she just came out and said there was no way they would ever go with them again.

The man in the new couple indicated that he not only did his thing but she was VERY receptive to his advances.

Now it's really hard to get into specifics but about this time I asked the lady to take a walk with me.

As we left to walk along the water front, I asked her if the woman she was referring to was named *****, and was her husbands name, ****. To both she answered yes, and I went on to describe her and him and their car to make sure we were on the same page.

We were and she was so angry with the other woman's actions that she said the only reason she brought it up in such detail was because I had said my girlfriend wouldn't lie to me and told me all the things I needed to know about being safe.

This obviously was NOT the way I thought things were going.

She was really concerned that she made a mistake but I assured her the only mistake was made by the one who didn't tell me so I could be careful.

We parted good friends and we'll see them again soon.

The following day, as luck would have it, the couple in question were to be at our house for a little "quality time".

As two of us were in the spa, I mentioned that my wife and I would be dating and as a result of that dating, we would be using condoms in the future to ensure safety. I got a "good luck" in a sarcastic type of way. When asked she said she and her hubby had tried dating once and that it was an abortive effort. That is they did it once and then not again.

I was floored although I shouldn't have been with the information from the previous evening. I let it go for the time being, as I wanted to talk to my wife and also the other couple to find out what exactly happened.

I did this and my wife and I were truly upset that we could have been exposed without our knowledge to something SERIOUS.

After touching base with the new couple and getting a time line for the "dates", I then set up a lunch with my girlfriend who I thought told me everything I needed to know. We were dealing with a lot of hurt, and a lot of mistrust that had built up. We had lunch and what it boiled down to was one question. I had mentioned to her that I was really upset. That I had found out about the "other couple" in an "oh, by the way" type of conversation. I was really wondering how many other "oh, by the ways" there were. If she had been with someone while we were still together in an unprotected situation or what.

Let me say this, because of the open lifestyle I accept a lot. If my girlfriend or wife want to have relations with someone, that's fine, as long as I know that it's happening and I can take the appropriate steps to be safe.

That said, I asked if there were any other "oh by the ways". She said no. Just the one time and she didn't even get wet. Now this flies in the face of what I knew already. There was more than one time. I think that hurts more than anything else. The fact that she lied when she said she didn't even get wet could be marked off as her not wanting to hurt my feelings by saying someone else excited her also. No problem with me there. The big problem though was that I knew she was lying and I have to wonder how many more times I've been lied to that could have caused me to contract something that keeps on giving, like genital warts, herpes, or worse, something that killed me.

So to get back to the subject of How to Kill a Good Thing? Play games, be less than truthful with the ones who love and trust you and in general, just lie. The pain will be on both sides but it will hurt the one who trusted more than the one who broke the trust.