How to Have a Happy...

Marriage and happiness—two things that seem these days not to always be simultaneous. I'm going to let you in all the secrets that have worked for me in the last 8 years. They may not be everyone's cup of tea, but there are still general lessons that anyone can take away from them.

Rule number one is that a good marriage starts before the first date. It starts with being completely open and honest and letting the other person know exactly who you are and what you are all about. No put on heirs, no pretenses—rule number one: What you see is what you get...period.

Rule number two: Honesty and openness are always the best policy. That is the only way you'll know if the first date is even worth either of your time and effort or not. Lay all your cards on the table from that first electric spark that says I want to know more about you and continue to do that for the rest of your relationship.

Rule number three: How can someone else love you if you do not love yourself? You have to know who you are and what you are all about. Accept and embrace it even if there are things about you that make you different than the norm.

I'll give you an example of these things...

Terri knew that she liked girls when she was about thirteen. But she was 15 by the time she acted on it. Then all through high school and all the way through her first failed marriage she hid the fact that she adored men and women equally. And cut herself off completely from that part of who she was. Trying to let it go dormant thinking it was a phase that would die out. She has always told me that she believed that there were a both a male and a female love of her life out there just waiting for her to find them.

And when she found Mr. Right she knew that she had to be honest from the beginning. She told him up front "Look, I like girls too, and if that's going to be an issue, if you don't think that you can share, then we might as well end this first date we're planning before it ever starts."

Luckily for her Mr. Right was an average red-blooded American male and he was actually very turned on by the whole idea and hoped that maybe he'd at least get to do some watching one of these days.

That started Terri and Jim off on the right foot. They've been on it ever since. When you are honest enough to share the weirdest or must out of the norm thing about yourself right up front...everything else is small potatoes after that.

Being true to who you are and then finding someone who truly loves you for who you are, not for who you've conned him or her and yourself into believing you are is the ultimate ticket to happiness. The safety and security of being open about all your feelings makes for a lot less arguments too. Sit down and tell your significant other when they've done something that upsets you. Discuss it like adults. Don't allow it to fester for days and weeks until one day the smallest thing makes you blow up at them.

So that is rule number five: Face and conquer all adversity head on and remember that you are equal partners and that you are a team. It is you two against the rest of the world!

That brings us to the open and sexually happy part of your marriage. And rule number six: Be honest always with your lover of all your desires. Fantasize about things you haven't done yet individually or together. It can be a great fire starter in a bedroom that is a little stale at the moment.

If you've always wanted to try supper something say with another girl or another guy...tell each other...don't just blurt it out at the table, but in those quiet times you have alone. Talking about fantasies during sex can be very revealing and very stimulating as well. Some people are more apt to open up and let a few of their greatest desires come out when they are feeling loved and secure or are in the throws of passion.

Terri and Jim have had numerous girlfriends. Some of those were only for Terri and Jim got to do no more than watch occasionally. Others were there to double Jim's pleasure as well.

Don't be afraid to share. But talk it all through and lay down plenty of ground rules. And remember...anyone involved can back out and say stop I don't want this at any point. But we'll have another whole chapter that is devoted to the sharing issues later...

Being able to let your lover in on even the most crazy and dirty little secrets that bounce around in your mind opens up all kinds of things sexually. Some of these things you think of you would never actually dream of carrying out in real life. But they make it something fun for your lover to use to get your fires stoked and keep them roaring. The right whisper about wishing one of your lover's fantasies "was happening right at this very minute" and "can you picture it...how good it would be ...how hot you would look..." etc. can turn a regular so-so session of love making into passionate and meaningful sex.

For some more tips and tricks be sure to log-on for Chapter two.