Fellatio, blowjob, giving-head, call it what you wish - either you enjoy doing it or you don't. This How-To is geared toward the women out there who either have never gone down on a man before and have mixed feelings, or have performed but do not like it. If you fall in to one or both of those camps, continue reading and maybe you'll walk away with a little more enthusiasm for you, and your partner, to share.
First, a little background information. I am a midwestern, born-and-raised, Catholic school girl. I'm proud of my roots and I do not wish to have grown up any different. Unlike many of my girlfriends back then, I was always the quiet chick. Boys noticed me but seldom made any passes. In fact, it wasn't until my last year in high school that I had my first boyfriend, Mark. Up until then, the closest I've ever been to sexually intimate was dry humping with my best friend at a homecoming dance. Seriously, I was probably the most inexperienced girl you could have ever known. So you can imagine my reaction when, after five months together, Mark whipped "it" out one night. My faced turned so red, I couldn't even look at him. Not only was I afraid to make a fool of myself by even attempting it, but the act of going down on a man just ... struck of a nerve for me.
Mark apologized profusely after that night, but nothing could ease my own disappointment for not being able to please him. We didn't talk about the issue for quite awhile, until one afternoon on our sixth month anniversary. I remember us being in my room, as I starting necking him. Then I began kissing and licking his chest, watching him writhe and groan from the excitement. None of it was anything foreign, but something about the atmosphere made the experience seem more erotic. I moved down to his stomach and listened as his breathing deepened and his voice intensified. "God, I'm doing this to him!" I thought, and it made me even more turned on. Without really thinking about it, the next thing I knew his pants were around his ankles and the head of his erect penis throbbed inside my mouth. I started going through with the motions, and although he seemed to love it, I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. The taste wasn't bad, but the constant gagging sensation was. I couldn't even finish him off because I felt like I was going to throw up. I definitely hated myself at that point.
So what was the problem? Many things, but nothing that couldn't be helped. We tried it again a few weeks later, and the experience was slightly less intimidating. Eventually, it was no longer nauseating for me to perform on him. I couldn't say I was any more enthusiastic about the act, but I did it to please him anyways. There was something psychological about a man's penis being in my mouth that just weirded me out. I thought that I would never be able to enjoy fellatio for as long as I would live. Of course, I was completely wrong. Four years later, giving head is now one of my favorite activities to do with my new fiance. And I don't feel grossed out, laborious, or slutty either.
Everyone is familiar with the age-old expression, "Where there's a will, there's a way." There certainly is both in the area of giving head, and it's all about your determination to reach a comfort level with it. But there may be obstacles that stand in the way of that. Below are some very common concerns by other women I have met, and my advice to them:
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"I just don't like the idea going down on a man. I don't know why - I guess it's just gross."
For most women, there are usually only two reasons for this. 1) You feel that the penis is dirty, unsanitary, germ-infested, etc. Or, 2) You feel that the act itself is morally unclean and degrading. If your dilemma is the former, here's a little fun fact for you: there is actually more bacteria in your lover's mouth than there will ever be on his penis. Millions more, in fact. Yet, you find nothing unnerving about kissing your partner, do you? If that's not enough for you, then a viable solution would be to use a warm, sanitized cloth to clean off his genitals prior to performing on him. Don't worry about your man objecting to this; most men quite enjoy the sensation.
