How to Eat Pussy Lie a Champ

Is there anything more erotic, more satisfying, more – mere words fail me – than going down on a woman, eating hair pie, giving her head, having a box lunch, performing oral sex, eating her out, etc.? I think not.

What is more the essence of sex than a woman’s vagina? The source of her pleasure, home of the clitoris, center of her sexual universe? Nothing, in my opinion.

All roads lead to the vagina, do they not? Look at a lovely woman. On the street, in the mall, at work – anywhere. Her abundant hair, alluring eyes, soft full lips. Follow down the curve of her neck, the swell of her breasts, the strength of her stomach. When you hit the center of her body, right between her beautiful legs, you’ve hit the center of her being.

Or start with her delicate feet. Strong enough to carry her for a lifetime, yet supple enough to massage and fondle. Also, by the way, often cold enough to freeze whatever they touch under the blankets! Move your eyes up those shapely calves to the curve of her thighs and roundness of her tush, and there it is again, the Bermuda Triangle, mysterious and unknown.

Well yes, as you may have noticed, I’m a man who loves vagina. Loves the way it looks, the way it smells and tastes, and most especially when treated right, the joy it gives a woman. Naturally, you don’t have to be a man to feel this way and that’s cool, too – very cool, judging by the adult video and film industry.

When you hold a woman’s legs apart and use your tongue and talents correctly, you may become a very popular lover indeed. Songs may be written about you. Statues erected of your likeness. College dorms named after you. At the very least, you’ll have very few lonely nights. As one of the lovely gals in "Sex and the City’ once opined, "If a man can do that well, he doesn’t need to do anything else." How true it is.

If there’s a girl who doesn’t love having her pussy showered with affection, I haven’t met her. And if you’re new to this form of intense pleasure, if you want to be a better lover and realize there’s no manual, I believe I can help.

Now, for those of you of don’t know a vulva from a Volvo, a clitoral hood from an oven hood, let’s start with a quick and simple anatomy lesson, so we’re all on the same page when it comes to descriptions. By the way, I prefer to call the area the pussy, as I do in my stories. It’s kind of erotic, I think, where cunt is too harsh and vagina is too clinical. Plus, gash, slit, love tunnel, etc. are too cute and can get confusing.

The entire outside of the vagina is called the

vulva

. The large, soft outside lips are the

labia majora

, while the inside, thinner and more delicate lips are called the

labia minora

. High up on top, inside the inner lips is the

clitoral hood

, which when lifted reveals the

clitoris

itself, which can actually swell and become somewhat erect when stimulated. The small opening right below the clitoris is the

urethra

, where urine comes out. Below the urethra of course is the larger opening of the

vagina

. Between the vagina and the anus is the

perineum

, called the ‘taint’ in slang (‘taint the asshole, taint the vagina.’) Got all that? Good, let’s get to it.

There are many forms which can work with this type of article; Q & A, Do’s and Don’ts,Pros and Cons. I’ve ruled out Q & A because I’m not sure which Qs you’d A. As for pros and cons, there are no cons to oral sex, so that’s out. Let’s try Do’s and Don’ts. If you do, however, have any Qs, just email me, I’ll be happy to A to the best of my knowledge.

Also I must advise you, I’m not a doctor or sex practitioner. If you happen to meet a doctor that loves licking pussy as much as I do, and has done as much of it, feel free to listen to their advice instead of mine. Of course, it may cost you $100 for every 15 minutes, while I’m free (And here I was thinking that I was just cheap.) Plus, I’ve been to the doctor many times, never discussed eating pussy – not once. What do we pay them for, anyway? And with that, away we go…

Do

understand, please, that every person on the planet is different. One woman’s honey may be another’s poison, or something like that. Instructions are fine, but we’re not assembling a bicycle here. There’s more than one way to do it. In fact, there are many, many ways, some of which I’m sure that I’m not aware of yet (though I do try

so

hard to stay current.) As they say, communication is the key, baby. If she likes what you’re doing, or even loves it, keep it up. If she doesn’t like your technique, all is not lost. Just dial it down a notch perhaps, begin with the basics as I will explain them. If the challenge, however, is that she wants you to be wilder, crazier, more intense, please call me immediately, I’ll be right over to help. **

**

24 hour service only available in New Jersey – sorry.

Don’t

rush to the vagina as soon as you’re both aroused enough to undress. Take your time, oh impatient one, it will be worth the wait and increase her arousal tenfold. Start with her neck and shoulders. Caress, kiss and lick your way down her chest, lingering on her breasts. I can not overstate how sensitive a woman’s nipples are. When you circle her aureoles with your lips or fingers, then lightly (or not so lightly, depending on her) squeeze her nipples, she’ll likely feel the vibration right down to her buzzing pussy.

Not too long on those nipples, though – she may get sensitive quickly and you don’t want to make her squirm -yet. Kiss the soft insides of her thighs, her calves, even her feet. By the time you get down to the vagina itself, she should be primed and

aching

for your tongue.

Do

take your time and by all means, enjoy yourself down there. It’s what you’ve been dreaming about, right? Savor the sight, the smell, and the glory of it all. Kiss it, caress it, rub your thumbs all over the soft folds of beautiful flesh. Are you getting the picture? This is no time to rush, you’re not eating an ice pop here. It’s not going to melt. Be slow and thorough. Trust me - she’ll appreciate it.

Don’t

go right for the kill by starting off licking her clit. Men are results oriented, I know, and want to make her cum fast. But it’s not all about the orgasm, it’s about the journey. So slow down. Lick her outside and inside pussy lips first, with broad, flat strokes of your tongue. Lick around the inside of her vagina and, if you like, use your stiffened tongue like a mini penis, sticking it in and out of the hole. Lick around the bottom of her pussy and her perineum. If she’s comfortable having her asshole licked, (bless her heart) which is called rimming, then

by all means

do so as long as you’re comfortable as well. Many men and women find this highly erotic, and I’m one of them. Even if she’s never had it done before, ask her if she’ll just give it a try. Hopefully she’s open-minded and will let you. You may send her to heaven this way. Now, when all this prep work (you call this

work

?) is done, move your tongue up to the clit and even when you get there, toy with it. Lick around the clit in circles, lick over the top, around the bottom – all before you really get down to business, which is sucking her clit into you mouth and licking it fast with the tip of your tongue until she cums.

Do

play with her anus – again, providing she’s cool with it, which hopefully she is. It works like this: While your tongue is dancing on her clit, rub some of her juices around her little hole (cute name, huh?) This double stimulation is very arousing to her, and she’s concentrating on your tongue so much that your finger doesn’t matter, it just feels good. As she gets closer to climax, continue to rub around it until she’s breathing heavily…getting very close. Now – stick your finger in the little hole just a bit, as far as the first digit perhaps, no more. In my experience, there’s a very good chance that this will set her orgasm off like a time bomb, bucking her hips like they were on fire. Yes, the feeling of your finger in her ass will make her cum much harder – you’ll see.

Don’t

neglect her nipples either. With your tongue on her clit, reach up, over, whatever, and gently hold her breasts. As she gets closer, circle her aureoles lightly, as I mentioned earlier. But this time, as her breathing and body language announce her impending orgasm, squeeze her nipples. Believe me, some ladies will save you the trouble and do it themselves. They know the secret, that this extra stimulation will break the bank, sending them crashing into climax at warp speed. Her moans and cries will prove me right.

Do

try different positions. They keep things from getting stale as a result of repetition. If you, as a lover, always keep her guessing what’s next, what’s new and what’s different, you’ll always be at the top of her hit list. She’ll always look forward to making love to you. If you like the standard position, on your stomach while she lies on her back with legs spread, that’s fine. I like it too. I had a girlfriend who lived for this position. She tensed her legs so tight when she came she nearly cracked my head like a walnut. And I loved every minute of it. But try this: You’re lying on your back while she straddles your face, essentially the "sit on my face" position. It enables her to grind her pussy into your face as hard as she likes, which is always a treat. It also lets you easily reach up and play with her breasts. Holding hands is nice and tender, too, if you’re into that. Another favorite of mine is eating her from behind while she’s on all fours in the doggie position. And here’s a great one: she’s sitting in a chair while you kneel in front of her, happily lapping her juices. She can keep her legs spread with her feet on the floor, or place them over your shoulders. Standing up works, too, with you under her spread legs. Careful, she may go wobbly in the knees when she comes.

Don’t

think I forgot about the 69 position. I think it’s fabulous, with one drawback. Certainly, the more aroused you get, the more feeling and passion you’ll put into your end of the bargain. But the closer you get to orgasm, either you or she will lose your concentration while you focus on how good it feels to you. Not always, I’ve known at least one girl who would keep giving me outrageous head right through her orgasm. And you can be sure I’m licking like a madman when I’m cumming. It’s just great to put

all

your energy into pleasing her, isn’t it?

Do

hum. It means more than you enjoying your efforts. When you hold her clit in your lips and hum, it works like a small vibrator, which is exactly what it is. The vibrations will spread from her clit to all areas, and make her tingle like a tuning fork. It may seem odd at first, but not when she feels it. You hum, she’ll sing.

When she’s about to cum, you know you’re doing the right thing. So

don’t

change your approach just as she’s gonna blow. If you’re sucking on her clit and she’s squirming and shaking, her breath coming in gasps, don’t suddenly switch to licking her clit with broad strokes. You’ll kill the flow. If she’s just about there…just keep doing what you’re doing until she cums. Variety is great, but when you’re about to score a touchdown, don’t change the play. Gee, you think they discuss this in locker room pep talks?

Her clit, which you know by now is like a mini penis, is the center of her universe. So make sure that you

do

get the best access you can to it. How? By pulling the clitoral hood out of the way. To some degree, the clitoral hood, which protects her clit like an umbrella protects you from the rain, will move out of the way on its own. But not all the way. Therefore, take your thumb and from the top of the hood, pull up so that her lovely little clit is fully exposed. Do it in the light at first, so you can see what its like when you’re in a dark bedroom, closet, prison cell, basement…you know, the usual places.

Above all,

do

go for it! If you remember just one thing, it’s to lick, fondle and suck your way to her heart. There’s no downside to giving her oral sex. No taboo, no mystery. If you want to be considered a good lover, it’s

got

to be in your repertoire. You’ll love it, believe me, just love it.

Lastly, since I largely have only my own experiences to draw from, I’d truly appreciate any feedback about different methods or stories of your own. Especially from women. I’ve often said, if I can do what I do just a little better, or try one new way that works, I’m thrilled.

I sincerely hoped you’ve gained something from my article. I write only for the love of giving others enjoyment. Please read my other stories on the site, too. Good luck!