How to Cyber: Step 03

Hi, again, everyone...well, up to now I have been writing from a woman's point of view, but I know that there are plenty of tasty guys out there just itching to try for a little cyberfun, but unsure of how to make that all-important first impression. After all, you can't win those hearts and minds without a foot in the door, right? To help out the men who are wondering how to get from, "Hello, how are you?" to "YESSS! YESSS! Give it to me!! More...now! AWEOAUUOIUAF!" (nothing like making a literate woman lose the ability to type, right?), I prevailed upon a knowledgeable gentleman to share some thoughts. My interview starts below.

GiJ: Well, kind sir, my main agenda is getting you to give away your secrets... Even on Lit, men apparently outnumber women, and focusing on the hetero couplings for the moment, I thought maybe dropping a few hints would help the men tilt the odds a bit more in their favor.

OK, to start with, my readers probably want a brief overview of your cyber credentials, so to speak...without getting too personal (ha!), can you give a brief overview of your level of experience?

W2: About my experience: it's been about five years since my first online encounters...I discovered this wonderful world when I posted my first story on Lit, a pretty amateuristic bondage fantasy, which nevertheless got me quite a lot of feedback from female readers... before you know it, I was up to my head into hot, sizzling cyberchat... PMs, emails, later instant messaging...

GiJ: How about chatrooms? Aren't those supposed to be a great pick up spot?

W2: I occasionally visit a chatroom but I find people are usually very rude there... it takes ages to become one of the crowd¡­ but it's always a great thrill if you can seduce one of the members into a private encounter...

GiJ: How long do your cyber romances usually last?...And is it true that guys always prefer the more technologically-advanced forms of online involvement, such as webcams or voice messaging?

W2: I have had romances that lasted for a year or so, others for just one hour. I have done a little camming and phone sex but in general I prefer the online typing thing. IM is very handy...instant gratification - but I have also had intense, sizzling romances that consisted of just one or two emails daily. ­ It's all relative, I guess...

GiJ: You inveterate man-slut, you!! Interesting that, contrary to the image that any red-blooded guy would be constantly pushing for more visual/ aural stimulation in the form of webcam or phone contact, you say that you prefer good-old-fashioned typing. Who says literacy is dead? By the way, are we talking girls only here?

W2: I am about 99% hetero so girls are my main focus (when I talk about girls I don't necessarily mean they have to be young... I like'm in all colours and shapes and actually I prefer the riper ones ; ) In my rare bi moments I have tried some M/M encounters and they all sucked... really, in the realm of cybersex women are WAY ahead of us guys. ... most guys have no idea what to type... after all, cyber sex is all about imagination and I believe girls are generally better hung in that department...

GiJ: It is extremely nice to know that women have the upper hand in cyber society...not just in terms of the m/f ratio, but also because we are imaginative, hot, relational creatures (not to say the guys aren't, of course!). I MUST put in a good word for the men here...there is NO shortage of imagination, and if a woman were to find a guy lacking in that department, she could choose between a bit of gentle re-education if there seemed to be a nice connection otherwise, or, if it seemed like more trouble than it might be worth, consider moving on to the next lucky prospect.

I've always thought that one of the benefits of cybersex is the chance to get up close and personal with people that you might not run across in daily life...in the online world, there is space for all kinds of matchups. Just because someone's ex told them they were too skinny, or they are over the half-century mark, or they live in North Bumfuck, Minnesota doesn't mean a thing in the world of cybersex....I sincerely believe that everyone has multiple potential cybersoulmates, or at least multiple potential hot n' heavy one-session stands, just waiting to be discovered. One never knows...a onetime hookup could lead to something long-term and mutually satisfying.

A great benefit of cybersex is that it's the safest sex around...if you keep things safely anonymous, the biggest physical danger is a slightly-elevated risk of carpal tunnel syndrome...just don't let your heart overrule your head when it comes to issues of online privacy, ok? If anything, it's even EASIER to fall head-over-heels for a cyber-lover, but just like real-life, safety first, y'all! End of warning, on to the most important part...How to help these nice folks to meet one another...that brings me to my next question!

W2: Happy to help if I can.

GiJ: Describe, if you would, the overall theory of how to find a dripping hot cybersex partner...the quick-n-dirty version, from the guys' point of view, plus maybe a bit of speculation about that age-old question, "what do women want?"

W2: How to find a hot cyber partner? My best advice is: FLIRT! It's almost like in the real world, isn't it? When you walk up to a pretty girl in a bar it's probably not a good idea to tell her in your opening sentence how old you are, where you live, what colour your eyes are and what your fucking boring hobbies are. Or, on the other side of the spectrum, that you want to stick your rockhard 9-inch cock in her wide-open dripping pussy and make her cum till she begs you to stop. Save that for later. Think of a flirtatious opening line that's a little more clever and funny than the other 1200 messages that her PM Box gets to digest daily. And make sure that your opening line invites a response. Make her curious, trigger her fantasy. Take your time to seduce her.

GiJ: Well, that sounds like a strategy that would not only work in the cyber world, but which could have real-life benefits as well!! As many women can attest, there is nothing quite as charming as a skilled flirt...even as we wonder how much practice he has had to gain those skills, it's really, really hard not to feel flattered when the skilled flirty guy turns his laserlike focus on YOU. There's just something about the give-and-take of flirtation that brings out the best in people...flirting requires a bit of vulnerability, which is always extremely charming, but it also involves a bit of showing off...guys are just so CUTE when they are trying hard!!

Now of course, just as different people have different ideas of what "sex" might entail, different people probably have different ideas on how to flirt. You've given us some general idea, but when it comes to getting women online, can you tell us more about the specifics, the how-to? What should guys be focusing on in those early messages? How best to get a response?

W2: How? Well, in my view all girls have two sides: They want to be treated like a lady. And they want to be treated like a slut. Its always a mix of those two, though it depends on the girl in question which desire is stronger...and that determines the right approach... a girl with a profile that, under hobbies, says SEX SEX SEX and a picture of her nipples on her AV, might need a more slutty approach than a frequenter of the Poetry Feedback & Discussion Board... she's a slut as well, but you have to get to the lady first to get it out of her...

So, that's what I do when I have found a new victim whose profile sounds appealing... I flirt.... I compliment her and I tease her... I treat her like a lady or I treat her like a slut... usually a bit of both... I turn up the heat gradually ... I use lots of sexual innuendo. I try not to miss my mark when she offers an opening.... cause after all, it's the girl who decides if there's gonna be any fucking tonite... she has it, and I want it...

GiJ: Yup, hear that guys? I wonder if the Poetry Feedback and Discussion Board is going to be swamped after this!! At any rate, I think that it's very true that women are women...we are multifaceted creatures, just like you guys. Appeal to us on more than one level, and you are halfway to hot, steamy cyber right there!!

I wonder if the use of the word "victim" is strictly accurate...after all...the wanting goes TWO ways. Women do have the upper hand, of course, just like in real-life encounters, but it seems that many times, the only thing standing in the way of a mutually satisfying hookup is figuring out the right approach. I think that one important point for the guys to notice is the very-nearly-asshole-ish level of confidence in the above description of how to make a first impression. Faint heart never won fair lady, and all that. In my opinion, early emails are NOT the time to display your squishy marshmallow heart for her consideration...it's early days, there will be time for that later!! Confidence is a turn-on...you have to believe that you are worth the girl's trouble if you expect a positive response. Confidence is part of what will bring her guard down enough to respond to your approach. On the other hand, arrogance is not good...she will no doubt figure out that, if you are THAT in love with yourself, you have no need for any of her help in getting off. It's a fine line...cross it at your peril!

OK, so we talked first impressions, flirting, approach, but let's not lose sight of the goal of all of this, which is of course, the fun part: hot, sticky,so-real-you-feel-it-in-your-bones cybersex!!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...cyber sounds like a pretty lame concept, unless, or rather...until...you realize that it feels...real. Then you start to see the possibilities, the endless, endless possibilities. Good cybersex can lead to post-mortem comments such as: "I felt like you were right there next to me"; "that was better than some real-life orgasms"; or "OMFG, that was incredible!" Yup, yup, yup, all the fun of sex, with no pesky bodies to get in the way.

Since those who have not experienced great cyber are unlikely to think it could really be THAT good, can we give a few hints on how to do the nasty? Any thoughts?

W2: In my view, a great cyber session has to be very explicit and graphic...like in the real world, cyber is a game of the six senses... by lack of the real thing, I want to know what it looks like when we got it going on, I want to smell her, taste her, feel her and hear her moan and beg... it's all about talking dirty... and then there is the sixth sense, the one that makes you feel what's going on at the other side of the screen... the chemistry... oh yes, its possible to sense what the other feels, even a thousand miles away... its about letting go, losing control, go with the flow, let your lust guide you... bring the beast out, let your instincts take over... the moment that coherent typing seems impossible and words are replaced by letters... AAAAAHW.... EEHWHWG, OMG omg OMG... when those combination appear on the screen, it means you're in the right direction, that you are hitting the spot...

That's what I want, and in my experience its what the girl wants as well... she wants a beast to be released on her... she wants to be taken by your words... she wants you to get seriously out of control... so that is what I do... I let go... I let the sexual predator in me take over... it works... before you know it, your keyboard is sticky...

GiJ: Umm, thanks, hon...excuse me, I have to go attend to my...keyboard.

Special thanks to my favorite collaborator, the lovely and talented Wolf2002!!