How to Be Safe in Buying Sex Toys

Okay folks in an earlier how to guide I took you into Sears and we took care of a lot of your sexual shopping for the upcoming holiday season. The general idea was to avoid some of the snobby or overly zealous sales people at your local fetish shops. Of course, other than adapting normal hardware into sex toys, another proven way to purchase products without the embarrassment of face to face sexual conversation with a spiked, pierced and tattooed kid less than half your age can be found in the mail order catalogue.

It's easy to do, there are ads around for a lot of different mail order companies specializing in the kind of toys you want. Once you get one of their catalogues you will need to resist the urge to drop your drawers and begin masturbating right there because these are hot little publications. I mean just reading the product descriptions are as good as many of the erotic stories I read online.

As you discover the wide array of toys, devices, lubricants, porn, clamps, electric works, rubber works, etc., etc. you will need to watch your check book. I mean it would be tough at the end of the month to have to say: "Sorry kids but we can't afford dinner tonight because of the ultra high intensity vibrating, ejaculating and gyrating vibrator I bought you mother last week."

Yeah, and of course off they go to school the next day and give the detailed explanation why they are hungry to their teacher and so on and so on. And hell you think it's hard enough to hide your hand guns from these little kids, just try and hide your six foot long flexible double dildo.

Okay, now on a more serious note, there are some real health concerns you will need to consider when ordering your sex products. These first came to light during the Olympics in China a few years ago. Amid health concerns about some of the food served in the surrounding provinces other problems came to light.

Complaints came from women in the sex industry whom, after their customers pushed a wide assortment of Chinese made sex toys into their bodies they found an inflammation and itching problem with their "nether region." That means inside their pussies and assholes if you don't understand Chinese.

It seems a number of sex product producers have outsourced their manufacturing to China. Now while many of the products manufactured there, according to Chinese sex shop operators, have very high failure rates, the real problem is that China still allows the use of Poly vinyl chloride (PVC) products in these very personal type of products. PVC has been found to contain phthalate-based polyester, a chemical that some researchers believes causes "...reduced sperm count in men and menstrual irregularities in women."

In Japan the government prohibits the use of PVCs in nipples for baby bottles and pacifiers. The manufacturers of sex aids like vibrators and other things in Japan use silicone or ABS Resin. In Europe PVCs have been banned altogether. You can only get PVC based sex toys from China.

Okay, so you are drooling over this catalogue and find the perfect sex toy for yourself, your wife, girlfriend or all three of you together and you want to order it. Sometimes you can't be sure of the product's origin. Now when you get that brown paper wrapped box brightly labeled "Sex Toys Inside" (no they don't really do that, but I imagine your mailman knows what's inside) and you open it, look around for labels or some indication of who made the product.

Now if it does say China, calm down. Just slip that yellow polka dotted vibrating dildo into a condom and plunge away. Provided you exercise a bit of caution regarding tears and things, you should be protected from the PVC in the original product. And hey to be completely honest, you probably should put a condom on any of these carved or mechanical devices into anything you think important, but hey, that's just a thought.

And guys, this doesn't just go for the dildos, you know that synthetic vagina (artificial pussy) you just bought. Unless you know your products very well, it could give you a problem. Of course it is a really fucked up world when you have to wear a condom to fuck your little hand held fake pussy.

And just when you thought it was safe to drink the water over there, there are some other studies about the pill of pills now sold in China. There are reports showing where you might buy five of your Viagra or Cyalis from your favorite Chinese vendor, they will often replace four of the real pills with fakes. Of course if you have a girlfriend or wife who doesn't mind a batting average of .200 (that's one out of five) you'll be okay.

Damn, I know of a few guys in the major leagues with a batting average no better than Chinese Viagra. We just pay those guys too much.

Anyway, take care sex toy consumers and follow my How to advice above and you'll be burning and itching a lot less this next year.