Dear Jamie: Sad Boy

This is an entry for the

750 Word Project 2025

Dear Jamie,

I'm sure you get a zillion letters like mine, but maybe I'll get picked and you can help a lot of us out.

I'm a guy in my mid-twenties and am a virgin. I've never been held, I've never been kissed, I've never had my dick touched or been seen naked. My job sucks, my family sucks and I fear I'm already cooked before I even hit my quarter-life crisis. I struggle with ADHD and depression and can't even get matched on the apps with scammers.

I don't know if I ever had a specific goal in mind or saw a future or had goals- but I never thought it was going to be this bad.

So for the millions of fucked up, broken dudes like me, what can I do?

Dear SB,

You are correct in assuming I get a lot of letters like yours, and I'm going to be perfectly honest- I don't have a good answer.

But I think that points to the issue at hand, which may provide some ideas on what men like you can do to try and get through a difficult time.

The reason I say that is because in the letters I get from men in your situation, there seems to be this idea that there is some silver bullet, some ideal solution, some 12-step plan on getting the things you want. But there's not.

If you are a young man who's feeling lacking, it could be a multitude of things. It could be hygiene or personality or perception. It may be a demographic issue, where you're not in a place where there's enough options OR you may be in among too many options. There could be a culture around you thats harmful or that you don't vibe with, or you could be in a situation where you are not your best self.

What I'm saying is that everyones circumstances are different, which means the solutions are different and instead of trying to be a specific way and achieve specific things, you should learn how to assess your situation and find solutions that work best for you and where you are.

I think a large part of the men's loneliness epidemic is that too many men are trying to identify with an idea about the gender that was never going to include them to begin with.

Men shouldn't try to be a monolith, you are individuals. You will always think there's something wrong with you if you keep trying to fit into the this one idea of manhood.

Like any human, there is always a desire for love and affection and sex- thats perfectly natural- but plenty of young men have been driven by ideals that may not be realistic. So its important to back up and first reassess your own values. What is attractive to you, what do you really want? How are social pressures twisting your tastes around?

Then of course its on you to assess who you are. While there are mental health issues and disorders that effect us, I think its still possible for each of us to strive to be our best selves.

That starts with personal health. That starts with doing things that makes you feel good about yourself that doesn't need the attention or approval of others.

Then as you set out on that task, do your best to be part of society. Groups, workplaces, clubs- just be out there around people with no goal or intent. Watch, listen and participate where possible. Know that nobody owes you anything or that anything Is guaranteed- you just need to show up and be around people for the purpose of showing up and being around people.

Any expectation beyond personal respect is unrealistic- if you go towards life, then life will find you, and the hope is that you know what you really want when it does.

Now I don't want you to think that I'm just another voice spinning toxic positivity on this, I'm not. I don't even want to be a singular voice to you on this issue. Its just that if you are down and want to get up- you first have to know which way is up. So I'm just trying to point in the general direction.

Care for yourself, be a part of things, and give without expectation. It may not provide all you desire, but its a good life all on its own.

Truly best of luck,

Jamie Plynth

Dear Jamie letters are entirely fictitious, wherein the advice provided by the author is a genuine response from the author- and who knows, maybe someone gets something from it, which is why I chose to put it in the "How To" category. Do you agree with what was said? If not, what advice would YOU give the advice seeker?Not titilated by the original scenario? Cool, there's plenty of amazing stories on Lit for you to enjoy. Peace