I step into the front room and am struck by the immediate sense of anticipation that surrounds me. The doorman notices that I am not a regular attendee and approaches me with a copy of the house rules. I read over them and wonder if I have gotten myself into more than I can handle. Recognizing my apprehension the doorman asks me if I have any questions. Do I? Well, sure a whole list of them, but who will have the time or the inclination to be my personal informant as to the inner workings of this world without judgment? In spite of my doubts, I ask if there is possibly someone who could escort me through the labyrinth inside and make sure I don't accidentally offend anyone or break a house rule in my ignorance.
He said yes and paired me with a 6'5" man with a shaved head wearing black leather chaps and matching vest toting a wicked looking bullwhip on his hip. Oh, my! Well, I guess if this is part of the initiation, then so be it. I begin reciting a mantra to myself reminding myself that no one can have power over me unless I allow it. I look up into the giant's face and am dazzled by the intensity of his blue eyes. This man is no villain! He may try to hide behind the façade of leather, but deep down he is a gentle soul whose purpose here is to protect the innocent form harm. He is my guardian for the evening. Gratefully, I smile at the doorman and whisper, "Thank you." he and the giant exchange a look that was over too quickly for me to comprehend its meaning. I could only hope my instincts were right and that it was not sinister in nature.
Giant led me to the far recesses of the house to where the dungeon awaited. Along the way we passed many people engaged in various aspects of what I had always taught were "sinful pleasures" and not for good little girls like me. Longingly, I wished I had the courage to participate even if just for a moment! Then I remembered one of the house rules, which stated that I am not allowed to participate in any scene unless specifically invited by the Master or Mistress. We neared the back of the house and I began to get nervous. I could feel the almost overpowering energy emanating from the room. I hadn't realized that my feet had stopped moving until Giant pressed his large hand against my back and gently nudged me forward. I looked up to see Giant's head above mine and felt his warm body directly behind my own. I bit my bottom lip between my teeth and he slowly stepped aside giving me permission to leave if I so chose. Perhaps it was this reminder that I was here by choice and had the freedom to leave at any point in time that gave me the courage to cross the threshold and enter into a world I had never imagined possible.
People were seated in couches, which were arranged in a semi circle around a large flat cushioned table with an eye-hook at one end of it. I had seen tables similar to these, but I seriously doubted that these people were here to see free demonstrations of the healing benefits of a Reiki massage. I caught myself before the smile at that thought had a chance to pass my lips. As a guest in this home I certainly did not want to offend anyone before I even had a chance to be introduced to the Master of Ceremonies. Giant led me over to a couch and nodded me to be seated comfortably.
As is my habit, I chose to be seated on the floor with my back pressed up against the front of the couch. Giant merely raised an eyebrow and sat behind me with one leg on either side of me. I felt this to be a comforting, protective shell around me and leaned back to thank him for his generosity. Sensing that I was about to break a rule he gently but firmly squeezed his legs around me to silence me. Ah, right, the "No talking in the dungeon unless the Master or Mistress gives permission to do so" rule. Again, grateful to him for thinking of me I pinched his leg to let him know I understood and would try to sit quietly.
Suddenly lights dimmed and a single spotlight shone directly onto the center table where now lay a naked woman face down and chained to the center hook by the straps binding her wrists together. I didn't remember seeing her being placed there, but I had been distracted by Giant, so I turned my entire focus to the activity in front of me. The woman on the table had several mean looking welts on her fiery looking ass and I wondered if she had broken a house rule. Shuddering, I pinched Giant again to thank him for my near miss earlier and wondered if he was going to think me bold for continuing to pinch him. He merely squeezed me between his strong legs again.
A hush so loud it sounded like a drum roll fell over the room as a woman in an outfit that only Cher could wear as well stepped into the center spotlight. In her hand she held a long piece of what looked like a broken leg from a chair. What in the world is she going to do with that, I wondered. Had I only known the answer to that question would be so immediately forthcoming I would have buried my head into the side of Giant's leg. As it was, then the woman lifted the cane and struck the chained girl so hard she jumped on the table all I could do was gasp and become frozen in place.
For some reason I was equally as unprepared for the second blow when it came even though I watched the cane rise again and swing down to meet the tender flesh of the chained one. My knee jerk reaction was to run to the chained one and throw myself on top of her body to save her from the cruel tortured inflicted by the cane wielding one. Moving faster than I thought humanly possible, Giant caught me up and hauled me onto his lap pinning me down with his legs and strong arms and covering my mouth with his hand so I would not inadvertently scream out in protest. When the third blow landed it echoed in my skull and I bit down on Giant's hand until I could taste his blood in my mouth.
Tears streaming down my face I struggled to escape Giant's hold on me but he merely held me tighter and pressed my face into the side of his neck so I would not have to witness the final strikes of the cane. How could anyone live through such torment? And why would they want to? My mind was numb and my body limp as Giant lifted me in his arms into an adjoining room where he bathed my face with cool water until I recuperated enough to speak again.
"Ask your questions now," he said. The low rumbling timbre of his voice was as soothing as was the compassion I saw in his eyes.
All I could manage was to croak out, "How? Why? I don't understand." He nodded and asked me if understanding was now what had brought me there in the first place. I said yes, but that I hadn't realized the price I would have to pay for such knowledge.
"Ignorance is bliss," I mumbled.
Giant shook his head and replied, "Have you ever found the place in yourself where there is no fear or time or space? That place in which only you exist?" I mutely shook my head no. "Ah, well, for those who have found that place it is you, not us, who are to be pitied," he professed.
"I still don't understand. Can I speak with her? The injured one? Perhaps she can explain it to me and then I will understand."
It was his turn to shake his head at me. "She is not yet at a place where she can speak or think clearly. In order to understand her you need not speak with her, you need to become her." I couldn't imagine myself willingly sacrificing my body to a cruel tormentor. And yet, the idea of finally experiencing that place of "nothingness and everythingness" intrigued me as well. In a moment of clarity and insight I knew I had to be on that table chained and naked and completely vulnerable in order to understand.
I nodded to Giant and placed my hand into his. I briefly had a chance to notice how smooth his hands were before we were again returning to the room with all the couches and tables. I was still nervous about doing something wrong, but I trusted Giant and he seemed perfectly willing to lead me into this arena. It felt nice to not have to think for myself for once.
We approached Cher's evil twin and Giant formally presented me to her. Unsure of customary greeting to one so powerful and falling back on my Catholic upbringing I genuflected in front of her. Briefly, I wondered if I would be struck down by lightning for doing so, but then I saw the wicked looking cane in her hands and figured that I had more to fear from her than from the lightning at this moment. I heard Giant's voice saying, "Mistress, I respectfully bring you this unbroken one to lead as you see fit."
