It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer we abandoned the gang bangs, and I didn't know what I was going to do with myself. Of course, there were other amusements. Threesomes were more discrete, and still lots of fun. I also had my lovely one on one time with three, close to perfect, partners: David, Amy, and Nari. If Amy and Nari had got on better, or if even one of them had been more fond of guys, things might have been different. As it was, I felt something of a void. And I yearned for my voids to be filled, ideally deeply.
It was Nari who had first alerted me to the problem. She was waiting for me outside a talk being given by a visiting Professor, a Nobel Laureate, no less. As the mixture of academic staff, grad students, and keen seniors like me, left I managed to briefly chat with the speaker, before he was whisked away by the Faculty Dean.
Nari caught my eye, it was hard not to have your gaze drawn to her alluring Korean-American looks. Initially she had a twinkle in her eye, and a grin on her flawless face. "Is that... is he... you know, the one...?"
"Hush, not here, someone might hear. But, yeah. That's him."
Nari clapped her hands in delight. "Oh, that's precious, you're such a slut, Emily."
Looking round me, my cheeks burning, I again implored my friend to be more discrete.
Nari collected herself, and now her features adopted a more serious demeanor. "I wanted to talk to you, to warn you."
Something in her tone caused an emptiness to suddenly appear in my stomach. "Why? What's going on?"
"Well, it's nothing definitive. Certainly nothing mentioning you by name. But there is a rumor going around. About a student... a student and... well, sex parties. I'm sorry, Em, I thought you should know."
I felt as if the ground was opening up beneath me. Someone had talked. How this had got back to college was anyone's guess, but the danger of exposure suddenly felt very real to me.
Nari hugged me. "Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but... well maybe you can do something. Or perhaps David, he knows all the guys, right?"
I nodded, my heart pounding and tears beginning to form. Nari tried to be reassuring. "It's OK, Em. How about I take you home."
I let her drive me back, silently looking out the window the whole trip. Thinking that anyone we passed was looking at me, talking about me. It was a truly awful feeling.
Nari dropped me off. She'd offered to stay, but I explained that David would be back in twenty minutes. I waited, desperately wanting his advice, his help.
He knew immediately that something was wrong. We'd lived under the same roof for years now, and shared a lot in that time. When I explained, his face darkened. I knew he took vetting very seriously and also that he would feel responsible. "OK, leave it with me, Em, I'll sort it out. Please don't worry."
I gave him a hug. I like to think of myself as an independent woman, but - in that moment -- I needed a friend and was grateful to have one. "Thanks. But... David... this has been... well it's too much. Do you think...?"
"That we should stop? Yeah, maybe that would be wise. I guess it's inevitable, given..."
I looked at the rug disconsolately. "Given the number of people involved, you mean? I get it. You said it was getting out of hand, too difficult to control. I guess you were right. I should have listened."
I felt foolish. I felt like I'd let my appetite get the better of me, ignoring my friend's counsel. David put a consoling arm around me. "Hey, no point worrying about that, I went along with it, it's on both of us. Let's just sort it out, OK?"
I nodded, and David was suddenly business-like. "Good. Listen, I'm going to text Amy. Nothing kinky, I just thought the three of us could maybe eat together. And, if she looks after you, I can make some calls, maybe pay some people a visit." His tone was grim when he spoke the last sentence.
"Thanks, that would be nice." I realized I had been yearning for Amy's presence.
She was there in fifteen and -- as was her custom, at least around me -- took charge. "Go find the fucker who talked, David, I'll take care of Emily."
And she did, in the way that -- with the benefit of years of hindsight -- no one else had ever done before.
-- -- --
David had made some calls, the last was to his partner in crime, Rian. I heard just the end of it. "Yeah, pretty sure. What the guy said checks out. Pretty sure it's him... OK... I agree.... See you there."
He told us that he was going out and left, clearly on a mission. Amy and I watched TV, my head in her lap, as she stroked my hair. We'd seen one episode of a new show, and had started a second, when David returned, Rian in train.
"Well, Emily, I don't think you'll have any more problems. The rumor will die down, now that the source has been reminded of the consequences of continuing to brag in public."
My mind went back over a year, to a previous night, and what had happened to another asshole, Jeff. "Did you..." I was scanning David's hands for signs of trauma.
"Hurt him? No. He'd done nothing to harm you physically. Just not able to keep his stupid mouth shut. In retrospect, you were probably the single most exciting thing that has ever happened to him."
"So, what did you do? Does he have a wife?" I thought with sudden shame that I probably ought to know this fact myself. I'd been plagued with pangs of guilt about married men of late, something that I had never given a moment's thought to at the beginning. Personal growth, maybe, and yet another reason to call a halt to the gang bangs, I reflected.
I realized that David was talking and refocused my thoughts on him. "No, never married. But he does have a father who's still alive... and a Pentecostal Minister."
Rian chimed in. "You should have seen his face, white as a sheet when David mentioned his Dad's church getting a detailed letter."
David kissed my forehead. "I'm sorry, I was in two minds about him if I'm honest. But he had a good reference. He won't say another word. Without a spring, the rumor lake will dry up. He swore on his Mother's grave that he'd mentioned neither names nor locations to anyone."
I was grateful, but had also reached a decision. "Thanks, but I think I'm done. You know my personality. I always crave more. This will happen again. The only way I see to avoid that, is to stop."
David smiled. "It was always your choice, princess. If you say stop, we stop."
An agitated Rian spoke up. "Wait, you don't mean... do you...?"
It was good to laugh again, and Rian's face was enough to make anyone chuckle. "Not you, dumbass. I'm not giving up on threesomes, just no more big groups, and no new people, got it?"
Rian nodded, looking relieved. Amy stood. "Well, drama over. I need the bathroom."
As she strode out, she stroked the front of Rian's pants. "You'll always have me, sweetie."
She winked at me as she left the room. The fact that Rian was besotted with my lesbian friend was known to all of us, and Amy could be a terrible tease.
-- -- --
David had been right. The talk died down, with no new salacious details, conversations moved on to the next drama. I was lucky, the college quarterback had come out as gay, and people were interested in nothing else for a while.
I wondered whether I had overreacted, panicked even. Stopping the group sessions had felt like the right thing to do at the time. It was the right thing to do, of course. But, as the weeks passed, I began to feel a familiar restlessness, familiar cravings plaguing me.
David picked up on my mood. I'm not good at dissembling. In fact I can be a terribly grouchy bitch. Which is why, he told me, one Saturday afternoon, that he had decided to do something about my problem. "Well, when I say 'I,' I mean 'us' really."
David put two fingers in his mouth and whistled loudly. We had been sitting in the kitchen, and the door to the adjoining garage opened. In walked Rian, dressed as ever in jeans and a T, today an old Pearl Jam one. But I only had eyes for his companion.