The day started like any other.
Kevin and his lovely wife, Natalie, were pressed against each other, up against the wall, locked in a kiss.
They had a beautiful new home, were enjoying the fourth year of their very happy marriage together, and always enjoyed their mornings together.
Just as they finished kissing and going about their day, Kevin got the tobasco sauce out of the refrigerator to put some on his scrambled eggs.
Only there would be something even spicier added to their marriage on this day.
Janine, their next-door neighbor and Natalie's best friend, usually came by to join them for breakfast. Only this time, she brought a tape for the three to view while eating in the family room.
Kevin was immediately interested since Janine said it was a "sports blooper." Only it was a very different kind of blooper.
Janine informed the two that she taped the footage off her computer, as it was an email that was sent to her by a friend.
The tape began with a simple sports interview, a reporter interviewing a neatly-dressed athlete in a locker room. Then a third man came into the picture.
"Now watch the African American gentleman walking around to the back," Janine said very calmly.
Then, very suddenly, and without any warning, the mystery man walked across the screen, behind the reporter and the player being interviewed.
The man's lower body, from the waist down, was completely uncovered, a large penis swinging from side to side. The camera got it all.
"Woopsy daisy," Janine said.
Natalie and Kevin both were in shock, their silence broken only by nervous laughter.
"Holy shit. Where did this air?" asked Natalie.
"In Kansas City," Janine replied. "It was on the 11 o'clock news which makes it a little more acceptable since there wasn't as many kids watching. The station got TONS of letters I heard. But it wasn't their fault."
The screen went to blue as there was nothing else on the tape. After a little hesitation, Natalie gave in to her curiosity.
"Play it again," she said with a smile.
"Oh I was going to," Janine replied, picking up the remote and pushing rewind. "I must have watched this at work today about 20 times."
"You little pervert," Kevin said teasingly.
The tape played again, and again the three focused not on the interview that was going on, but on the man walking by the camera in the back. Moreover, they focused on the large penis of the black man walking by in the back. It swung into the camera's view once more.
"That thing looks hu-uuuge," Natalie finally said, stating the obvious but showing the courage to say what the others didn't want to.
"I know right? I don't think it would be as funny if the guy's penis wasn't so big," Janine replied.
Kevin had never heard this kind of sexy talk going on between the two. And he had especially never heard this kind of talk coming out of the mouth of his sweet, delicate wife. But for some reason, he liked it. He liked it a lot.
"I think he wanted to get it on T.V.," Natalie said.
"He should be very proud of it," Janine replied laughingly.
The two watched the clip over, and over, and over again. They watched it in slow-mo, they jokingly switched places on the couch to watch it from different angles.
"Just sucks you can't see his face," Janine said. "You can't see who it is."
Natalie burst out laughing.
"Oh my God I don't even think I noticed that - I was paying so much attention to his dick," she said.
Did she just say dick?, Kevin thought to himself. He had always wanted his wife to talk dirty to him, yet he shied away from asking her. Maybe this event would change that.
While the clip was running for the up-teenth time, Natalie got more curious.
"W-w-wait, pause it," she said. "Pause it when, you know..."
"When his weiner's showing?" asked Janine laughingly.
The man walked around into view once more, and with perfect precision, Janine paused the footage just as the man's penis swung against his leg, the leg closest to the camera. It extended down his leg quite a ways. And the picture was crystal clear for further inspection.
"Oh-my-God," Natalie said, moving in closer to see even better. "That thing...it almost hangs to his knees for Christ's sake."
"That guy's got a major schlong," Kevin said in admiration.
Natalie and Janine laughed.
Natalie just shook her head in disbelief. She began to speak.
"I have never seen anything like that before -"
"Oh I've - ," Janine interrupted but didn't get to finish.
The two were both fighting to get words in.
"I'm sorry - you go ahead," Janine said politely.
"I've never seen anything like that before. I mean, obviously the only one I have seen for four years now has been Kevin's, and his isn't...I mean it's not small by any means but it's...you know," she tailed off.
Kevin was starting to get embarrassed in front of the two women. Very personal things were being discussed here.
"Kevin is average. You're...I don't know honey, what are you, five inches?" Natalie asked.
Kevin was shocked. The two women were discussing penis size as if it was shoe size. Kevin would never dare ask Natalie her bra size, especially in front of another man.
"Um, I uh," Kevin said hesitatingly. Was now the time to exaggerate? Probably not.
"Yeah, roughly five," he said. Janine was amused by the discussion.
"Well, is it five and a half, or is it really four and you're rounding it off?" the blonde with the great legs asked her neighbor.
Natalie had a deep in-take of breath.
"Janine, how dare you ask my husband such questions," she said jokingly.