The Captain

She laid there pretending to be asleep. She could smell him on the sheets and his pillow. She knew he wasn't there though. She could hear him talking on the phone just outside the door of the cottage. She laid there so very still, not wanting the dream to end but knowing it would, one way or another. Thinking of the note she tucked way down in his bag, she was suddenly sad. Turning over so her back was to the doors of the patio, she opens her eyes and looks around, memorizing details and feelings and memories. She closes her eyes and remembers the sound of his voice and the feel of his hands on her. There's nothing that can come of what is going on here. He loves his wife, she just heard him say it to her. She has never heard it from him for her. Tears well up in her eyes and she fights them back but one slips down over her cheek and into the pillow.

She quickly rises from the bed and bolts to the bathroom. Turning on the shower, she hopes she can feel better and hold it together. Thinking about what needs to be done, she can feel her heart breaking. The sound of a glass shattering on tile is what she hears in her head as she knows this is the end of the road. With tears streaming down her face and silent cries on her lips she slips into the shower trying to wash away the heartbreak.

Shampoo in hand she washes her hair and allows the bubbles to slide down her body. Soap follows but as she is rinsing, arms encircle her and pull her tight against him. "I wanted to come and find you in bed and fuck you again," he tells her not realizing what he's said.

"I heard you had a phone call, I was trying to give you some privacy. I didn't think you would want her to hear me, so I snuck into the bathroom," sadness overtakes her and she struggles to hold it together. Looking away she continues, "I'm not going to jeopardize who and what you want." Pulling from his arms to try to get some distance, she needs to be out of his arms but he reacts quickly, her back is against the shower wall before she can think straight and he is up against her.

"How do you know what and who I want?" He seems a little angry at her but she just can't care at the moment, her heart is breaking. "What do you think I want?" He asks tilting her chin so her eyes meet his. She closes her eyes and swallows hard knowing this isn't the place to talk about this. She feels his lips brush hers and his arms go around her, his hands move over her body. She struggles hard not to get caught up in the moment and let her heart take over what it wants. "Answer me," he whispers against her lips.

In that moment her heart shatters and heartbreak becomes physical pain to her. Tears stream down her cheeks and she breaks down in front of him. "I know who you want and who you love. The truth is that I have known it all along, but I have been lying to myself because I knew how I felt about you. I knew nothing would come of what we are doing here but I lied to myself hoping that you just might fall in love with me, just a little," her head drops and she stops fighting against him and sobs wrack her body. "I can't do this anymore, it's killing me," her head raises and her eyes meet his. There's a sadness in his eyes that she has never seen before and she knows that no doubt it mirrors hers.

"What are you saying?" He questions her but does not let go. He still holds her tight against him with his hands pulling her in tighter. He is hanging on to her like his life depends on it. In this moment he is forced to admit that he cares for this woman much more than he had ever intended.

"Make love to me one last time Captain, please, for our time has come to an end," he leans in and kisses her tenderly, his hand comes up to caress her cheek and tilt her head. The kiss is unlike any kiss they have ever shared, he pulls her closer and the passion that has always existed between them takes over. Her arms slide up and over his shoulders as his hands move over her skin. He guides her under the warm water and it cascades over their heads as they kiss.

Taking the soap and a wash rag he carefully bathes her and takes care of her as she had always wished he had. In that moment she feels so loved and cared for that she knows he feels something. She also knows that nothing will come of it. He carefully dries them and then he sweeps her up and into his arms carrying her to their bed. Laying her in the center of the bed, he crawls in beside her and pulls her close against him. He brushes his lips over hers and kisses her, tangling his hands in her hair and gently tugging until her neck is exposed to him. He continues to kiss down her neck, sucking gently at all the spots he knows drive her crazy. The whole time, he whispers into her neck just low enough so she cannot hear what he is saying.

Maybe this is for the best she thinks as he moves lower, his tongue flicking her right nipple. His mouth encircles the nipple and he gently sucks and bites with his teeth. Moans escape her as she grows wet with excitement. He moves to the left nipple and repeats the same action and she moans louder arching into his touch. Both of his hands each grasp one of her large breasts and he squeezes gently but firmly. He kisses the dip between her breast and licks the moisture gathered there, sucking at her skin greedily. His hands move down to her hips and his mouth follows, kissing and sucking, nipping and biting. Lower still his mouth and hands travel until he reaches her needy center. He lightly runs his fingers over her and feels her wetness that is flowing from her. His fingers stop on her clit and he rubs it gently eliciting whimpers from her that make his cock harder than it already was.

He leans in and flicks his tongue over her clit savoring her flavor and taking it into his memory. He begins to lick harder over her swollen bud as she arches into him. Taking two fingers he pushes them into her drenched pussy reaching for that special spot. His fingers dance over it as she grasps him by his hair and she begins to ride his face. Taking his free hand, he holds her down, forcing her to take the pleasure he is giving her. Continuing his pleasure assault, he thrusts his finger in and out pushing against her G-spot. He feels her walls tighten around his fingers and he knows she is close to cumming. Quickly pulling his fingers from her pussy, he looks her directly in the eyes and places his fingers in his mouth. She tries to push him back toward her so he will finish what he started but he chuckles and takes her by the wrists. Moving up her body rubbing against her as he goes, he places her arms over her head and leans in and kisses her.

Tasting herself on him, she pulls her arms from his grasp and puts them around him. She feels his hard cock at her entrance and he moves to thrust into her. They both cry out in pleasure and their kiss becomes more passionate and frenzied. He starts a maddening rhythm of fast and hard then slow and easy bringing her to the edge then pulling her back many times. The final time, after much begging and making promises she knows she can't keep at this point, he fucks her hard and fast, her head falls back as her back arches and her nails dig into his back. He feels her walls start contracting around his cock and feels her cum drench his him. Not able to take much more, he thrusts three more times and empties into her while he bites her neck. He feels her walls quake around him again and they both yell each other's names like whispered prayers going up to heaven.

Her eyes close and tears slip from the lids. He kisses her closed lids and asks what is wrong. "Just overwhelmed. That was very intense." She lies but she knows if she tells him the truth it won't change what is going to happen.

"Yes, it was," he whispers into her ear as he kisses her again. Laying next to her, he pulls her into his arms. Both lay silent enjoying the moment. Unbeknownst to the other, each wonders if it will be the last moment they have. He feels there is something going on with her but she is unwilling to talk to him. They started this as friends and he wishes she would just talk to him. He prays she isn't serious about this being the last time. He closes his eyes for a moment to gather his thoughts and memorize everything.

Her head lays on his chest and her left hand comes up to cover his heart. She hopes that he doesn't find this weird but she knows she just needs to tell his heart some things before she leaves tomorrow. She hears him breathe deeply and she raises her head to find him sleeping. She lay there watching him, memorizing his face, listening to his heart beat, just breathing in the moment for she isn't sure how long it might last. She tries to shift in his arms but he tightens his grip on her and pulls her closer mumbling something she cannot understand and then he kisses her head. Her heart breaks a little more believing that he is thinking of his wife rather than her and she does her best to hold in her sobs. She buries her head in his chest and closes her eyes, she takes in his scent and begins to remember all the wonderful times they have had over the last couple of years. She never heard those three little words from him and never expected to. He loves his wife and her only. He tells her he misses her and he wants to fuck her. He tells her that she's beautiful and he wants her too. He confesses that he is lonely and that he wants to be with her but he doesn't really and she knows it deep down. She drifts off to sleep with a sigh and whispers her own confessions before sleep overtakes her.

He lays there holding the woman he knows he cares for but cannot have. He feels the wall she has built between them to protect herself from him. He heard what she whispered as she drifted off to sleep and he knows he feels something for her but cannot sort through it at this moment. All he knows right now is that she feels good in his arms and that it feels like she belongs there. He will hold her until the sun rises and enjoy every moment for he doesn't know if he will get the chance again. He thinks she is struggling with some decision and she will not talk to him. A great sadness overtakes him and he pulls her tighter against him. He is afraid she is thinking of walking away from him. He doesn't want her to walk away and he cannot let her go.

He knows he cannot choose between her and his wife, they are so different and there are so many things to be adored in both. The right thing to do is to let this wonderful woman go so she can find someone to give her everything she deserves, at the same time, he cannot picture his life without her. He turns facing her and takes her in much the same way she did him. He watches her sleep and memorizes the way her blonde hair falls over her shoulder and into her face, the softness of her skin and the smell of her hair. He presses his lips to her forehead and closes his eyes picturing how blue her eyes are and how her beautiful smile made his day when things seemed so dark for him. She helped him through some very dark moments in his life and for that he is grateful. He runs his hands over her, committing to memory her curves and how she feels in his arms. He whispers his own confessions to her as he drifts off to sleep holding her tight.

Morning comes too quickly and she finds herself wrapped tight in her Captain's arms. She pauses there a moment to savor that and lock that feeling in her heart. She shifts slightly and he turns in bed with his back to her. She rises from the bed and considers her next move. She can dress and slip out the door and head home or she can stay and they can have some last moments. She walks quietly to the bathroom so she can think for a moment. She stands at the sink looking in the mirror at herself and her life. Her head drops and she begins to cry. Finding her clothes from last night, she dresses and finds him still asleep and cuddled to her pillow. She picks up his shirt smelling it and tears cascade down her cheeks. Great sadness and great loss fracture her already broken heart more. Grabbing her bag, she makes it to the door and slips out undetected. She is in her car and headed away from their sanctuary before she changes her mind and turns back. The only thing that will heal her is time and space. She must never meet with him again and she knows this now. She will remain his friend and text with him but she will make sure she is very busy from now on.

He wakes to find her gone, her bag is missing and her car is gone as well. Grief overwhelms him and he knows he has lost someone more than special to him. Tears well up in his eyes and he grieves the loss of her in his arms. He isn't even sure if he will ever hear from her again. He finds his phone and texts her, "Please don't run from me. I want you in my life. I realize I have been selfish and I have probably broken your heart. I am so sorry. I don't want to be without you in my life in some way. I care for you more than you know. Please." He pleads with her and sends the text before he can add too much. He waits for a few minutes and gets no response so he heads for the shower and gets ready for the day. He must head home and he's not sure he is ready or that he wants to leave here and leave these memories. He picks up her pillow and smells it one more time then lays it back down, showers and leaves the cottage heading home.

She got his text and read it but her emotions are too raw to answer. She will answer when she stops for gas in a couple of hours, by then she will need to eat and she might have cleared her head more. Until then, she will drive with the radio turned up and cry until she cannot cry any longer. Her brain on autopilot, she just drives. Her thoughts go back to when they met and how he was a supportive friend when she needed that. She remembers the moment it changed and knows that it must go back to that. A plan begins to form in her head where she will be distant and only text now and then. Her heart breaks and tears flow down her cheeks, she knew falling for a married man was wrong but she did it anyway. He is a great man despite this affair. She will eliminate herself from the situation and he can concentrate on what he really wants.

She hears her gas gauge warning and realizes that she has come further than she thought. The sign for the next exit is ahead and luckily it has a gas station and a fast food place. She fills her car up and gets a meal to go. She gets back in her car and looks at the phone, several messages are there from him, all pleading for her to talk to him and that he cares for her. Dropping the phone in her lap, she contemplates what she wants to say. Mindlessly eating her fries, a reply forms in her head. Picking up her phone she begins to type, "I realize that you say you care. I have come to the point that I need more in my life than you can give. You have a wife and a child and I will not ever ask you to choose as I know I would lose. In fact, I think I would expect you to do the right thing and choose them. I know you love her and are hoping to work things out. Us doing what we are is not helping with what is going on in your head. I can see how torn you are at times. Therefore, I can no longer meet you like we have been. If you need to chat and need a friend, I am here and always will be. I care for you more than you know as well. I just can't go on like this any longer. It is killing me." She sobs hard sitting in her car knowing that this Is the right thing to do but the hardest decision she's made in a long time. "Please forgive me," she types out as the last sentence and sends it before she can chicken out. Not waiting for a reply, she starts her car and continues her journey towards home, hoping that she will heal in time.

His phone beeps with a message. Reading it he knows he has lost the woman he really wanted. If he could just find her, he could talk to her, convince her that he just needs a little time. Tears threaten to fall from his eyes but he fights them and holds them back. Unbeknownst to him, he stops at the same gas station as she does and wonders how he can get her back into his life. He has a light bulb moment and decides right then and there that he will do as she asks but he will work on moving forward with plans he had already set in place and show her that he wasn't just playing with her. More determined than ever, he picks up his phone and texts her back, "I will do as you have asked. We will be friends and chat. Know this though, my intentions are different than what you realize, we didn't get a chance to talk because you ran away from me. I will show you." He put his phone in the seat next to him and sets out toward home. He has a lot of hard work and hard decisions ahead of him. He knows that if he really loved his wife, he wouldn't even think about anything with someone else. It has taken a long time for him to realize that too. His intentions toward her in the beginning were to have some fun and to combat the loneliness and heartache that the affair his wife was having left behind. In the process, he found that he truly cared for this woman. He hates that she is no doubt heartbroken at this moment. He is too. He is confident they will be reunited one day soon.

She makes her way home and walks in the door and is greeted by her cat, Princess. She scratches Princess on the ears and speaks gently to her. The cat walks through her legs and purrs gratefully. She goes to the cupboard and gets her a catnip treat and hands it to her. Princess takes it greedily and hides in her room to enjoy the treat. She tidies up the house and does her laundry. Trying to keep busy becomes a challenge but she manages well and her house is cleaner than it ever has been. She knows there is a message on her phone waiting for her to read but she has been trying to avoid it. No longer able to do so, she picks it up and sees what he has written. More tears form but she has no doubt that he is just trying to no shake up his life any more than it already is. There are so many tings that she doesn't know about him that he keeps hidden. Things she should have known before this affair started.

That was her mistake but she has taken over and now knows she can no longer live with lies and secrets. She knows that the road to healing is a long and hard one but one she is willing to navigate. If she wants a healthy relationship, she knows she must be healthy as well. Slipping into the shower and washing the remnants of what was between them off, she sobs once again for the loss. She knows that she will remain his friend but will never meet him again. In fact, she will avoid anywhere he could possibly show up, at least for the foreseeable future. She's been burned before but this time she is devastated and is not going to get into another relationship for a long time, if ever. She exits the shower, puts on her pj's and climbs into her bed and pulls the covers up to her chin. Work will distract her, in fact, two jobs might be even better. She quickly falls asleep even though her heart breaks. She has no choice but to move forward with her life and leave this affair behind. She dreams of the beach and crashing waves and warmth on her skin, sunsets and making love.

He makes it home to his wife and she seems glad to see him. She is preparing for the trip he had planned to the Caribbean. He had meant to tell his lover about it so she wouldn't worry about not hearing from him but never got a chance, he pulls out his phone and starts to text her but realizes that he must not. He will desperately miss her, especially the friendship they have. He knows they have crossed a line they most likely shouldn't have but he regrets nothing. He should he knows but he doesn't. He hopes she feels the same and it troubles him to think she might regret things between them. He knows he kept too many secrets and she never pushed him to tell them. He was always grateful but now he feels like an ass. The things he kept from her were things that seem insignificant at this point. She never made a move to damage his life. In fact, she has quietly slipped away from him and he thinks that has probably hurt more than if she confronted him before she left. He wishes he had just got to make love to her one more time. Shaking his thoughts of his lover out of his mind, he finds his wife staring at him curiously.