We arrange a time and place to meet, a place you know. I arrive on time and sit, waiting patiently, for you to appear. My first drink is soon gone, and you still have not arrived. 15 minutes later, I'm starting to get annoyed. More minutes pass, and my annoyance turns to anger. Where the fuck are you?!
Finally, when eventually you do arrive, there is no hello, no apology, no begging for forgiveness -- just loud complaints about "the parking around here", and rude demands for a waiter -- you order yourself a drink and flounce into your chair, ignoring my (again) empty glass.
I continue to seethe, which you just ignore. This is the first time we've met.
Once you've finished mouthing off about the lack of parking, you finally look over at me -- "Anyway" you start "I'm JJ. How do you like me so far?" And you laugh heartily at your own joke.
I don't.
"I've been waiting here for over half an hour" I say, leaning in. "That would be pretty rude even if you were a close friend. From someone I've never met, well its not a great first impression is it. Anyway, I will be happy to accept your apology when you eventually get around to it."
You lean forward to meet me in the center of the table: "Apologize!? What the fuck for? I'm not late, that's for sure you must have been early. If you think I'm going to apologize to you because you're too stupid to understand a simple meeting time, you're sadly mistaken. Fuck, I'm surprised you came to the right bar if I'd known you were that thick, I'd have sent a map."
Slightly stunned at the offensive arrogance of this outburst, I am still for a moment, before rocking back in my chair. "We agreed to meet at 7.30pm. I was here at 7.25pm. You were here after 8pm. How exactly do you figure that you're on time?"
"We so did not say 7.30 my message said "meet you at 8 at --------". I think I even said "looking forward to seeing you' which, as it turns out, was optimistic, wasn't it." Another good laugh at your own wit there. "As I recall you replied "great, see you there'. Yeah, I can really see how we agreed to meet at 7.30. sorry I'm late, not sorry!" you continue, sarcasm dripping from your every pore.
"You think that we arranged to meet at 8?" I say, in surprise. I pause waiting for a response and only see a smug. "Want to bet?".
You laugh loudly "You are soooo on. $50 says that you're as wrong as you are stupid."
I say: "$50? Lets make it more interesting, shall we?. Lets find a computer, and check alt.com to see what time we agreed on. If our messages show that we agreed to meet at 8, I'll give you $500."
"$500? You're crazy, but who am I to stop you giving me money? Fine with me I can always use the extra", you say.
"If the site shows we agreed to meet at 7.30, however", I continue, leaning in to you again, my voice lowered, "you will have to be my slave. If you lose, JJ, you must hand over to me control of your body and mind for the entire rest of the week."
"Yeah, sure, whatever, it doesn't matter. I know I'm right," you say, failing to notice the cool menace in my voice, "When do you want to get the money? I want to see it before we check the website. I'm not going to all that trouble if you haven't got the cash to pay up."
"That makes sense" I say, allowing myself a small smile "But I'm not showing you a cent until we have agree to the terms of the bet properly. Let's write it down, and we'll both sign it -- that way it will be binding."
"Good idea, then I've got proof of what you owe me" you say.
"Exactly" I say, and reach for a pen in my jacket. After a minute, I hand you a piece of paper which says:
"The bet is: what time did Jujou and Fred agree to meet? The correct time will be the time agreed in the messages between the parties on Alt.com. If the agreed time was 8.00pm, I, Fred, will pay JJ the amount of $500. Signed: Fred. If the agreed time was 7.30pm, I, JJ, agree to be Fred's slave for the rest of the week, and must do and endure anything and everything that he says or does to me. Signed: ...." I smile and hand it to her. "Now you sign" I say.
You hesitate briefly, then sign your name with a flourish.
"Now then" I say, feeling considerably better "this is your town where can we find a computer then?"
Unsurprisingly helpful, with half the money already spent in your mind, you say, "My guess would be the tattoo parlor up the road they've got a web site, so I guess they'll have internet access".
"Makes sense." I reply. "Shall we go then?"
"Yes via the bank" says you.
"Of course" I say, standing with a smile. "via the bank. Oh, and I've just remembered -- is there a drug-store nearby? I have a couple of things to pick up before we finish this".
We arrive at the tattoo parlor, me loaded with cash and a mysteriously heavy bag, you annoyingly listing the things you will be spending your money on.
You drawl on. "maybe an iPod, though I'll see how much I've got left by then, definitely some underwear skimpy stuff too, really hot, bet you'd like to see that on, wouldn't you? ha ha ha"
We explain the situation to the parlor manager, a fairly rough looking guy of about 40, quite tall and lanky, big hands. He's interested to see the outcome here, and hangs around after he's shown us to the computer.
"Lets settle this" I say, guiding you into the chair in front of the screen "Off you go".
You log in to your alt.com account, but pause ever so slightly before you click the link that will open the final message. You click -- and there on the screen appear the words that seal your fate: "See you at 7.30 at ---- -- looking forward to seeing you".
"Oh fuck!!" you start, as the meaning of the words you are reading begin to sink in. "Oh, fucking fucking fuck!"
"Well, you almost got it right" I offer generously. You just stare at the screen in horror.
"So" piped up the parlor guy, who was grinning at us from his position in the doorway behind us "What are you going to do with her first?"
"An excellent question" I say, smiling at him. "Though I think the question would be better put as what are we going to do with her! I am feeling in a particularly sharing mood right now."
"What?!" you cry "The bet never mentioned sharing me around?!"
"It says here quite plainly, I can do anything I want with you" I say, brandishing the paper in your face. "If I want to share you, that's my business".
Your eyes begin to well with tears, as the potential consequences of your bratty behavior start to form in your imagination "Oh Christ" you whisper "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so late, and I think you're a really nice guy, I didn't mean to be such a bitch."