There's nothing better than being part of a close-knit friend group; to feel truly wanted, respected and appreciated for what you bring to a conversation. You know, the kind of crowd where you're all up in each other's business and you know everyone is equally invested. The kind of rabble where you know you can depend on each and every one to dig you out of a hole or offer you a shoulder to cry on. The kind of friends you know would never betray you and always have your back.
That's how it's been amongst my peers for the past decade. We've always hung out together and supported each other through the various situations that arose in our lives. School, college, love and careers, we rejoiced and cried together throughout each milestone. Ruth had been my best friend for as far back as I could remember, even bagging me a job in the same hotel she worked at, and through her, I'd met Heidi and her boyfriend Roger. The four of us had formed a bond and we regularly met up for get-togethers and socials. We'd even taken a couple of trips away for the weekend. Our group was tight and extremely loyal.
Ruth had occasionally brought a new boyfriend into the group, though, her relationships were often short and erratic, her pursuit of her career goals seeming to take priority over any budding romance. My position in the hotel had only been a result of her moving up the ladder, which I was extremely happy for her of course. Meanwhile, I had largely followed a solo path through life, often acting as a gooseberry to the two couples on the occasions that Ruth did bring a new fella along. It could be awkward at times, and I'd often have to navigate prying enquiries into my love life, but overall, they were good about including me in things. Besides, I wasn't really interested in any of that kind of thing, and I was quite comfortable operating as a third wheel, or at times, a fifth wheel. I even joined Heidi and Roger for dinner on a number of occasions, despite riding solo myself. It never seemed to cause any issues, even when I'd playfully stick my fingers in my mouth and imitate vomiting; the way they made-out in public was certainly deserving of such a response! They'd laugh along with me and we all seemed comfortable with my solitary path through life.
I was the designated gooseberry, and damn proud of it, until five years ago, when I'd met Hunter. Suddenly, I wasn't the sore thumb amongst our friend group anymore. After a couple of weeks of dating, I'd steered him into our friend group; all of them being suitably impressed by the stud that such a quiet, homely girl had managed to bag. Hunter and Roger were soon thick as thieves, and the girls really took to my new fella. Of course, it helped that Hunter was such a good catch. Tall, handsome, and successful in his career; sometimes I surprised myself that we were actually a couple. I was short and considered more like a girl next door, rather than some toned bombshell or anything. I'd even been described as a bit bookish or nerdy, with my frizzy hair and glasses. However, Hunter had never seemed bothered by any of that, and had professed from the start that it was my bubbly personality and good nature that had attracted him. He'd had his fair share of bimbos, so he'd said, and now he wanted a real girl to settle down with. I wasn't sure whether that was a compliment or an insult, but in his company, I finally felt like I was desired and accomplished. With each passing day, I only seemed to blossom further, though, I always had the worry that I wasn't good enough for him in the back of my mind.
However, all good things come to an end, and though my time with Hunter had been the happiest of my life, unfortunately, our relationship had recently hit an abrupt brick wall. The break-up had been so unexpected that I was pretty much baffled when he had moved out. I mean, we went through the same kind of problems that every other couple did; the occasional fights and a breakdown in communication. I could admit that I was often self-conscious and worried that I wasn't good enough for him, but he had always been reassuring and responsive. However, towards the end, he hadn't been as affectionate with me and sex had pretty much dried up, but that was understandable. We weren't teenagers and his work had been taking up a lot of his time. I figured it was something that we had to work through together, but apparently Hunter didn't have the energy and had brought things to an end.
Obviously, I was devastated, and the past few weeks had been spent wallowing in self-pity, often spending entire days in my pyjamas while I binged on ice cream and watched TV show marathons. The unceremonious way that he'd left only seemed to confirm the very real insecurities I'd harboured throughout our relationship: I wasn't good enough for him. Despite his protests of the opposite, eventually he'd accepted it too.
Through my hurt, I'd scour social media looking for a means of distraction, though often finding myself visiting Hunter's pages and reminiscing about the times we had shared together. Thankfully, my usual friend group had been there for me, particularly Ruth, the one girl I could always depend on in life. She'd come over on a few evenings and we'd watched a movie together with a bottle of wine while she bitched about the recent loser she had gone on a date with. Instead of sulking, my nights would be filled with laughter at Ruth's shenanigans. It helped me forget about Hunter and reawakened that old solo role I used to have in our group. Once more, I became the strong, independent woman all over again, well, for appearances anyway. The real truth I buried deep inside me, that I had never been good enough for Hunter anyway, and his leaving me was inevitable. Despite Ruth and Heidi's reassurances that I was too good for him, that doubt firmly remained.
The only problem was a fractured split concerning Roger. On a few occasions when our usual group had met up, Roger had been decidedly absent, apparently off somewhere with Hunter. Heidi and Ruth found this rather annoying, whereas I was pretty aloof to the whole thing; a most trivial matter in the grand scheme of things. Yes, it kind of sucked that Roger was apparently siding with Hunter, considering I'd known him longer, but perhaps they had a whole bro-comradery thing going on and I wasn't about to demand they end their friendship just because my relationship had fallen apart. I was the one that had brought Hunter into the group, after all, and it was unfair to judge Roger for his response. He could be friends with Hunter all he liked, it was just a bit of a downer that I was seeing him less a result.
So, it was a pleasant surprise when Ruth snuck up on me at work one day following the break up. "You coming to Heidi's this weekend? We're having a little get together. All the gang are in."
I adjusted my glasses and turned from the booking monitor of the reception counter. "Sounds fun. Any special occasion?" This was the first real meeting of this sort since Hunter had ditched me. There had been a couple of lunches with just us girls, which I had kind of sulked through, but none of the party-style get togethers that we used to enjoy. Roger was always off doing something with Hunter, so I was ready to jump at the opportunity for the four of us to be back together.
"The special occasion of getting drunk." She sniggered. "You've never needed an excuse for that before, right?"
"You know me too well."
We both shared a mutual chuckle, before Ruth leant over and squeezed my shoulder. "There's just one thing. I know Roger has invited Hunter." Her expression braced itself for my response. "Heidi tried to talk him out of it, but he insisted since they're friends."
"Oh." I scratched my chin. "Well, that's awkward." Apparently the 'usual gang' included Hunter. I guess I only had myself to blame for that.
"Yeah, I even had a word with him. He was quite insensitive about it actually. He said it's been a month and you two need to figure things out."
"He's got a point I suppose."
"Have you two spoken since the break up?"
"Not at all."
"Yeah, awkward." She looked away momentarily. "I mean, I get it, if you don't feel comfortable. I'd rather he wasn't there, but it's Roger's place as much as Heidi's."
I batted her away with my hand. "It's fine, I swear. I'm over it, honestly. It's a free country, and he's Roger's friend now, so I get it." However, inwardly I was fuming. The break-up had been far from amicable and had pretty much come from nowhere as far as I was concerned. We'd been together for five years, and were even talking about marriage. For the past year, Hunter's affection gradually dried up and then for the past few months he became a lot more irritable. That cumulated in last month's fiasco, where he broke it off with me under the guise of 'he had fallen out of love with me'. I wasn't even given the opportunity to get a better explanation as he moved out the next day and had ghosted all of my attempts to reach out. It was both baffling and infuriating. I mean, how could he so callously throw away everything that we had? How do you just fall out of love with someone?
However, perhaps this party was the perfect opportunity for me to get some answers. He'd been ignoring all attempts to reach out from me; both calls and messages remaining unanswered. Maybe I could get him alone, and over some drinks, rekindle the romance that had evidently deserted us. I knew my insecurities played a big part in our problems, but if I could get over that little issue, then perhaps I could be the woman he deserved. Surely, he would realise that I was the one for him, especially once I dressed up all sexy and used my powers of seduction, along with my usual bubbly personality. That whole thing was completely alien too me, and I always felt uncomfortable flaunted myself in such a way, but with Hunter as the prize, I'd have to go out on a limb. It had been somewhat stilted after his recent behaviour, but that kind and fun girl was still hiding away inside me. I mean, I was a pretty average girl in terms of look, but I was capable of looking moderately attractive when I put the effort in.
"Good." Ruth's lips shivered as if she was about to say something else, before she considered the atmosphere and swallowed it down.
