A Few Steps

I have spent the last few weeks, preparing, for what was to be one of the best things to happen in my life. With the help of a wonderful Dom, I found I could be just me and accepted as just me. Every little bump and groan that crossed my mind, during this time. He reached out to me, talked to me, let me know I was fine. That my insecurities came flying back to me. I had met many people from the net before. Most of the time things worked out, I made some wonderful friends, in the past couple years. I have tried not to dwell on the meeting that did not work out, where a friendship never continued. But, meeting a Dom for the first time, that was interested in me, as His. Put the fear of God in me. All the questions and thoughts I have had my whole life came to the surface again. *Am I good enough? Will my body, make Him sick? Will He still love me? Will He still want me? Will He see my submission, my gift to Him? Will He know this is all of me? Will He still work with me, should I make mistakes? Will, His hand in punishment be as loving as it is in love? Am, I making a big mistake, in crossing that road to a dream? Will my dream become true? Will His dream of me be true? Will I make Him happy like I do on the net? Will that smile remain, in His mind, body and soul? Will the T/two of U/us really be one in the real?* His hand and words, voice were always there for me. I am put myself in His hands. To love Him, Respect Him, learn His ways, accept what I did wrong or mistakenly. I was ready...or so I thought.

W/we met and traveled for a long time. I was careful of what I said or did. As, I wanted to please Him with every inch of my being. To give Him the Respect He earned along the way. To show Him I listened, I learned. That I was willing to learn anything, He wished to teach me, to show me. My stomach was in knots for days, prior to this. But, now the excitement of His touch, His hand, washed all that away. I knew I now belonged to this Dom, I was His. It was not a dream, I connected to Him in mind, body and soul. I knew, He was willing to go that mile with me. To take me all the way. To show me the real, be apart of my real. To teach me, to mold me. To, become His was down the road, in time. I wanted to be everything to Him. As, He had become to me. He knew I was so unsure of it all. But, He had that hand and love for me. I knew in my heart W/we could make it happen.

W/we arrived at the room. He gave me a letter, simple instructions, to follow. He gave me the time to question it. Then W/we began, another part of this journey. I followed the letter to a tee. I put all of myself into it. I wanted Him to know and feel my gift to Him. My stomach turned and butterflies were there. Yet as soon as He touched me, I would melt. I became a part of Him. My mind was in tune with His, my body craved to be His in touch and view. My soul ached to be with Him. As He touched me, as He felt me, His breath, His words, His touch let me know. I was where I belonged. Where I needed to be. Where He needed me to be at this point in time. He warmed my butt slowly, every slap or tap, was with love. Each time the slap would warm me a little to much or after a few slaps, His hand caressed my butt. He showed me over and over His love and care for me. He showed me, He accepted my submission. He brought me to a high a few times, He shared it with me. The feeling was amazing. To hear Him as He brought me there. My butt being so new to this, He knew I could only handle so much at a time. I asked for a drink and W/we took a break. I got to kneel at His feet for the first time in the real. With in seconds I sat on my butt, at His feet. W/we talked, had a smoke and shared what had just happened. It was incredible, to be apart of this of Him.

As, I sat there, I felt a need in me to please Him. I looked up at Him and I asked if I could. He smiled at me with pride. And let me, touch Him and please Him for a while. His taste was, more than I ever expected it to be. His hand on the back of my head, was more than I ever thought it could be. My mouth was His. I know He enjoyed me this way. I know I belonged at His feet. When it was time I stopped and W/we went back to the bed. W/we continued. His hands went back to my butt. More strokes of love, more warmth, more kisses. Bringing me. U/us to more highs. Him whispering in my ear, Him, holding me as I pushed myself harder and harder. I got to that point of mixing up the pleasure and the pain. I reached out in word. He held me, He pushed me a little more. Each slap or tap, sending me in mixed directions as I trembled in His arms. He waited and pushed till I was ready. W/we stopped, and He held on to me for dear life, bringing me back down. It was more than anything I had ever known in the real or in cyber. I seen, His face, His love, I knew I had pleased Him. It felt so good to know this, to see it, to feel it. Time had come for my punishment, I made mistakes along the way in this short period of time. I knew I had and accepted the fact I did. He held me all threw it, I felt His pain as He, took the leather side of the slapper to my already warmed butt. I felt each slap as if it would kill either O/one of U/us, yet I wanted the next and the next. To right, my mistake. To accept in the real for making it. Yet, still be loved after it was over. I was, I did, and again I seen him as proud of me, of U/us.

W/we had to get ready to go to dinner. I stood up before Him, wearing a nightie. My body was warm and I shook. At this point He had seen most of my body. But, my fear of my ugliness came running to me. I looked at Him, and slowly started to dress for dinner, I knew His eyes were upon me. He did not turn away at the side of my body. I knew right there, He loved me for me, not the outside package. I was more at ease now with Him and myself. I listened to His suggestions in the way I dressed for dinner. As W/we walked from the room, I never felt prouder to be apart or with someOne in my life.

W/we met what W/we both hoped O/our new friends. In minutes, I didn't feel like the ugly duckling or the 5th wheel, as I have always felt in meeting new people. Why? Because, He was there, in me and beside me. I felt beautiful, just as beautiful as the people we met. They were truly beautiful people inside and out. Funny, witty, full of knowledge, full of life. I did not feel under educated, or stupid. I could be me and know I was liked and accepted for who and what I am. I felt I was growing, and He helped me get there. As, my big fear in meeting these people was my outside. Could or would they see me as the person they met on the net. I believe they did. And they were everything and more than I could have thought.

When W/we returned to the room, W/we were both tired. Yet so much more W/we wanted to explore. He had a bit of an upset stomach, so W/we were just going to lay together and talk, enjoy each other. I turned the music on and as I did I felt Him behind me. His hands running over my body, his warmth. He bound my hands and blindfolded me. I trust, I have never given anyone in real. But, I knew I was safe in his loving hands no matter what was about to happen. It was very short and sweet. He brought me to a high in minutes. He felt it every step of the way, with me. His hands always calming me, and yet letting me reach that high with Him again. He removed my bindings and my blindfold and called me to Him on the bed. W/we talked of the few things and gifts W/we had experienced today T/together. The good and the not so good. How, He knew I followed His lead in all things. He also brought up a point, in which, I made another mistake. I knew I should be punished again, and do it correctly. It hurt and it hurt Him, yet I was willing, so willing to feel that pain again to correct my mistake. He took my hand and lead me to the wall. He held me in His arm, and began. My butt being very tender now, each one physically hurt so much more than before. I wanted to scream out in pain. But, I didn't, I took what was to be given and I did so rightly. In His arms, feeling His pain as well as mine. He asked me if I felt one extra should be added, I agreed. I knew, I was learning, accepting and it was apart of being with Him as One, in mind, body and soul. It would hurt His heart as much as it hurt me in the flesh and my heart. When it was over, He kissed me and He reassured, me I was His in His touch and eyes. I knew, I was.

He feel asleep in minutes, I laid there. A mix of emotion ran threw me, I cried. I was so happy and sad all at once. The whole day had been filled with growing, learning, accepting. I touched His hand as He slept, I caressed it. I looked at Him, in ways I never thought I could actually see a person. This Man, this Dom, was truly everything He said He was and so much more. I had given Him the best of me, and at times the worst, yet His love shone threw. Questions popped into my mind. *How do we part tomorrow? Will it be painful? Will we make everything on time, because of schedules? Will there be enough time to talk about all this? Would it be better to talk later? And because it ended with a punishment, would (wrong words) still want me as His?* My hand touched Him the whole time as I had gotten up once to have a smoke and He called to me. All this played on my mind as I drifted to sleep or a state of resting.

The morning came, everything was a rush a hurry. To pack up things, to dress, to go. He didn't have the time to watch me. I didn't have the time to watch Him. There was that schedule to meet. It was hard, I think for B/both. Yet I don't think either of U/us knew how to deal with it, being tired and hurried. As W/we drove a conversation started. I made a big mistake. I made two in the end. I will never be able to say how sorry I am. I can only accept what is to come. I can only hope, His hand is still there to see. He is the Dom, and I am the sub. I do need Him as He needs me. He needs to correct me as He see's fit. To continue to teach me, the rights and wrongs in a relationship with Him. I need to learn from Him. To accept I was wrong, to learn how to handle things better. To not let my fears just rush out of my mouth, without thinking first. I left Him feeling confused, and hurt. I did not know at the time. I left Him feeling W/we were made for each O/other. As He is the Dom/teacher, I am the sub/the learning one. It felt right.

On the way home, I ended up in a cab. Nothing was going right since I left Him that morning. I kept my word and called Him the minute I got home, left a message as He was in transit. I called again shortly, getting Him this time. His voice washed away all the panic I had felt since we departed. I knew something was wrong, He never told me He loved me as W/we said good bye on the phone. He would join me later on line, in what was to be the biggest mistake of my being with Him.

As, He spoke to me, I listened. I cried, I was ready to beg. But, I know if I was to beg it would not be right. I had caused something to go very wrong, with U/us. Type left me feeling He wanted to end it. Yet, inside of me was screaming don't. Talked to me, help me, show me where I made the mistake. W/we both cried in pain and fear, I guess as I don't think either of U/us want this to end. Something like this, that W/we share, is to last and learn and grow with. To listen and understand how the other feels, not just in thought, but in mind, body and soul as well. I can only hope W/we find, the strength T/together to remain as One. That I can accept gracefully what is to become of U/us. That no matter what my vow, given with my flesh and His hand and O/our bonding, that I do Him proud. For no matter what He will remain a part of me now and forever. He knows who I am, and has never stopped loving me on the inside or out. I have faith in Him and in His thoughts as to where this will go. In the end I hope it is where I belong. At His feet, honoring Him with love and respect. And learning from my mistake. Continuing to grow, in the path He set out for the two of U/us.