Submission Power And Trust

An importance concept in BDSM - also known as Bondage, Dominance, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism (and kink) are the roles of dominance and submission, roles between partners. This power play is a set of behaviors, customs, and rituals. This blog is going to have a wide variety of information and experience in it, as I attempt to cover basic concepts and practice of the submissive role.

A submissive is an individual who willingly relinquishes control to another person, usually to satisfy a sexual urge. For me the submissive role is my role of choice, although I would be willing to try dominant. For people interested in the dominant/submissive lifestyle, as with anything, needs research and understanding. Submission focuses on being overpowered by the dominant partner, yet there are various levels of submission. It also requires the submissive to know their limits and communicate them with their partner openly. If a boundary is breached and the safeword spoken, the dominant should cease all play immediately and discuss the physical or emotional breach with the submissive in a tender and understanding manner. Safety is always first when exploring BDSM (or kinks) activities, roles, and boundaries. Another important factor in power play is after the play occurs for the partners to talk with each other openly about the experience. This is how they learn more about each other and their partners satisfaction with the play, for emotional and physical care.

For me the submissive role places me as vulnerable and under someone else's control - not just some one, my husband. While this is what I love about this direction my sexual life is taking, it does challenge some of my past unhealthy beliefs. It is okay because I am recognizing them and challenging them openly with myself. For me, submission is a strong part of my self-journey and I actual feel empowered through it. Due to my past trauma, trust has been extremely difficult. Even after years with my husband there was still a barrier for me to totally trust. The submissive role assists me with trusting him fully. To help me create new memories of trust that don't emotionally hurt.

Collars: Many submissives wear a collar to note their status and commitment. It's like a wedding band, except that only the submissive wears one. A traditional collar is a neck band in leather or metal, chosen, designed, and even crafted by the dominant partner. Some subs wear a "symbolic collar", often a bracelet or ankle chain, that can pass in non-BDSM situations. A sub may have several collars for special occasions. So I read on this and decided that it was something I would like to try. Hubby and I went to a sex store and I picked one out. It is leather, thin, feminine looking, and could be worn in public. So he put it on me and I was in love. The idea that I was his and his alone made my body rage internally with fire. Interestingly, when he put it on me it felt a bit tight, but he said it was going to be that way, so I rolled with it. The amazing thing to me was that I actually liked the slight tightness, reminding me of breath play. He was able to do breath play to me this way without actually having to do anything. Another learned lesson on what makes me hot and horney...him being in control. This was emphasized as he grabbed my collar to force me to smash his cock in my mouth, so deep, choking me. All I can say is damn I fucking love that feeling of powerlessness and being dominated. Now we get to find a sort of collar that I can wear in public. Surprisingly this is very important to me - as I want to demonstrate to us that I am his.

Verbal play: Another thing that stood out to me on my research was the verbal part of power play. As a submissive, the language used is to be directed by the dominant. Yet it is to sound like "please," "thank you," and repeating his command. Another interesting idea is to have to ask permission to do things, and only do them if approved by the dominant. And if the dominant is not satisfied then the submissive gets 'punished.' This would work well when taking the power play into public, especially since it likely will be kept a secret. It appears that the rules are similar to indoor play, where the dominant still is in control, the submissive is to follow instructions, and punishment could occur. Yet the instructions would be modified to the secrecy of the power play in public, as well as the punishment. While this has only been barely practiced for us, it will be interesting to see if it becomes a part of our play.

Practice makes perfect: I wanted to demonstrate the power that submission is having on me and my sexual self. Recently we were driving back from a trip and I was instructed to take off my clothes while he was driving. Wow - that is a new one to me. A part of me was like 'no way,' yet I was instructed to, so I did it. I was then instructed to masturbate. As discussed in a previous blog, this is not a strength for me, as I am very out of touch with my sexual self. Yet I was instructed to, so I began with my doubt in myself. I believe that success was due to a variety of factors. The fact that I was butt ass naked in public masturbating, my partner watching me, and having my collar tightened. After really a short amount of time I had one of the best fucking orgasms in my life. It was powerful and long lasting. Amazing. For me it further confirmed how this new approach to me sexual self is working, relaxing me, and the submissive role with my husband was definitely a serious turn on. -Heather-