Ægir's Wife

Once more Kirst sat alone in the break room. She stared at her chicken salad that she had picked up at the corner shop on the way to work. The morning had gotten off to a worse start than the night before had ended.

Bjorn was up and gone before she even woke up. He never did that. He always woke her up gently with a kiss and smile. Her chest tightened as she thought about all that had transpired. Not just yesterday, but in the past year.

Had it been just last year that she had sat at this same table, giddy with excitement at their messages? Sven's messages, she had thought at the time. "Oh, Sven," she whispered as she pushed the unpalatable greens and cardboard chicken away.

"Who is Sven?"

She inhaled and forced a smile, though she doubted that she could fool Roz for much longer, but she had to try. "Bjorn's oldest brother," she stuck as close to the truth as she could.

Roz nodded her head as she took the seat across from her at the table. "In-laws. Know that is trouble I can understand." She pushed the plastic bowl back towards her, "Is he as hot as the other two?"

Kirsty was too tired to argue with her friend over eating, so she picked up the fork and began playing at moving the food about as she delayed. How did she answer that one? Sven had never had Bjorn's raw masculine beauty. Or Mikael's darker good looks.

And at forty, time and the sea had taken their toll, but from the moment she had first seen that photograph on his profile, there was something about the man that had drawn her. Those piercing blue eyes that jumped out at you, held your attention and did funny things to your tummy with their intensity.

She screwed her face up in a grimace as she pushed the bowl away once more. The mild nausea that she had battled for weeks seemed to have grown into a storm. She closed her eyes and inhaled, trying to calm her tummy.

She was on the edge of tears again too just at the thought of the man. She had learned the hard way how difficult it was to cry and vomit, but she feared that was exactly what she was about to do...if she did not get her emotions back under control.

But had they been? In the year since that first message, she had been on an emotional roller coaster of incredible highs, deep lows, twists and turns that threatened to throw her from the ride of life. After a lifetime of just doing what everyone else expected...including bottling her emotions...it had been both a thrill and frightening.

A cold paper towel was pressed to the back of her neck as she opened her eyes and turned to see Roz standing next to her. "Ta," the shortened British version of 'thank you' was all she could manage at that moment.

"So is it official?" Her friend's smile was tight and Kirsty could see the woman's pain just beneath the surface, "Are you pregnant?"

She shook her head, "We still don't know. In all the..." What did she say...chaos, confusion, pain? "I have not had the chance to get a test from the chemist yet."

Her friend nodded as she picked up the practically untouched food off of the table and tossed it into the bin. She walked back over to the table and pulled Kirsty's chair back, "Ain't you a lucky girl, working in a hospital? And with a best friend, who knows a wonderful ultra sound tech, let's go, girl."

Kirsty shook her head, "No, really, I shouldn't. This is something...well, I should wait for Bjorn. Pick up a home pregnancy test and if it is positive...shouldn't that be something we do together? The baby's first ultrasound?" Her hand unconsciously went to her tummy as she felt it revolt and roll slightly with gas now too.

But after almost six years as friends, she should have realized how futile that was. Roz pulled her to her feet and dragged her out of the break room proclaiming, "I'll video the whole damned thing on your phone for you to show him tonight."

Kirsty thought about protesting, but the truth was that she wanted to know. One way or the other as Roz led her down the hall. Then she could re-group. Perhaps find that logical side of her brain that seemed to have been on hiatus for the past year. Get on with her life. Their life. Come up with a plan. Any plan.

So why did all of that sound so hollow? And why did something that she had wanted for so long seem... Less than she had hoped for? She loved Bjorn. She should be ecstatic to be carrying his baby...if she even was. But all she could think was...I love Mikael too.

A pain pierced her side as she thought of him. Yes, damn him, she loved Sven too. Damn the man to Helveti as the elevator closed and her friend smiled at her through her own pain that was written on her face. Life was not fair sometimes.

***

Bjorn checked the time on his phone...again. He had left the apartment early, thinking he would get to work before the office filled up. Perhaps have a few moments alone to think, try to figure out what now. It was not the old fort that Mikael had built him, but there were not many places he could go in the city to find peace and solitude.

Hell, even the peace garden in the park where they took Monika near their apartment was usually overrun with loud teenagers, who had been pushed from the swings and playgrounds, by adults who told them they were too old to play, that it was for 'little' kids. Or worse yet...the homeless. He still could not get used to that. How could any society call themselves civilized when their mentally ill were forced to live on the streets?

Any hope of even a few moments of solitude had been futile as he arrived at the station to find that the trains were not running...because someone had thrown themselves or been pushed under one.

He shook his head. He could almost understand that sense of futility. Only a few months in this madness and he felt like he was losing his mind. Now this latest disaster with Greta...and a baby?

Shit, he had forgotten to pick up a pregnancy test. Now he was running late. It would have to wait until he got home. He promised himself that no matter what he would leave the office at five. No more late nights for a while.

As the doors opened at the next stop, he noticed a heavily pregnant woman get on, holding the hand of a toddler. He frowned. Would that be Kirsty in a few months? Though their apartment was close enough for her to walk or take a bus if she were running late, still there would always be times when they needed to travel by Tube.

The carriage was even more packed today than usual of course. He had given up his seat for an elderly lady five stops back. He spotted a young man, probably in his teens, bobbing his head to music that was so loud that even with ear phones Bjorn could hear it three feet away.

He reached over and tapped the kids on his shoulder softly. The boy looked up with an angry scowl, "What's your fucking problem, old man?"

He drew back slightly at the harsh comment, but counted backwards from a million while he plastered a fake smile on his face. When he could finally speak without malice, "How about offering your seat to the pregnant lady with the child over there?" he said motioning with his head to where the woman and child clutched to the pole, rocking back and forth with each jolt of the carriage.

The teen shook his head and spat at him, "Fuck you. If the bitch wants to breed that's her business. I don't give my seat up for no one. Equal rights, asshole."

Bjorn gripped the bar above his head tighter to keep from punching the little punk. He knew one hit would not be enough to release the anger and frustration boiling inside of him now. He had not resorted to physical violence...well, except against his brothers...since that day. But he was certainly tempted.

The older woman for whom he had given up his seat reached out her withered hand, "It's all right, young man. I am getting off at the next stop," she said as she rose slowly from her seat. Bjorn used his body to actually block access to the space as he waved to young mother. She smiled weakly and dragged the child the short distance.

She nodded her gratitude and she practically fell onto the hard seat, gathering the child onto what little lap she had left. "Thank you," she whispered as she looked down sheepishly.

The older woman patted the child's head, "Yes, well dear, I am afraid there are not many gentlemen left in this world." She turned to Bjorn as he noticed the tears gathering in the younger woman's eyes. He grabbed the handkerchief out of his suit pocket and pressed it into her hand as the smile on the elderly woman's face broadened, "Thank you, young man. Please give your mother my compliments on raising such a fine son," she said as the train came to a stop.

Bjorn used his size to clear a path to the door for the woman. He needed to get as far as he could from that little shit anyway. Honestly, if he did not have a teleconference with Singapore in fifteen minutes, he would have just gotten off a couple of stops early and walked, perhaps cooled off a bit.

As it was his mind could not stop playing it all over in his mind. What were they doing here? They did not belong. He missed the sea so damned much. It was not even like his 'generous' salary went all that far. Their standard of living had actually been better on the Holding.

He sighed as his shoulders slumped, but if she was pregnant, he dared not take her back. Not until after the baby was born at least. He would not risk her health or the child's. No, they were stuck here...probably for another year at least.

He yearned just for the smell of the sea, a soft breeze off of Njord's kingdom. Perhaps he would rent a car for the day and take Kirsty and Monika to the beach this weekend. Not that that helped much since this was just Monday and the whole week was getting off to a crappy start.

"Fuck," he cursed under his breath as he remembered that Kirsty's mother had texted on Saturday wanting to reschedule their monthly brunch. Nancy Dickens was barely tolerable when he was in a good mood, he dared not think about facing her in this one. But perhaps things would improve during the week.

He smiled as the train doors opened at his stop. He noticed the young man, who had refused to give up his seat shove his way towards the door. Bjorn grinned as he put out his foot at the last moment. The little shit almost toppled onto the platform. A couple of people cheered and several others cracked noticeable smiles, including the young mother as her gaze met his with gratitude.

He returned her smile as he exited the carriage, reminding himself to definitely pick up a home pregnancy test on the way home. He knew he should be more excited. So why could he not see this baby as the blessing it was?

***

Kirsty shifted uncomfortably on the hard plastic covered table. The paper beneath her crinkled as she moved.

The woman that Roz had introduced as Crystal frowned as she felt around her abdomen, "Are you absolutely certain about your dates?"

Kirsty held out her hand and Roz passed her phone to her, beginning instead to video with her own mobile. Since her periods had never been totally regular, she had always tracked them. She had been using this app for close to two years, looking for any pattern, in hopes that once she and Raj were settled it would make conceiving easier.

She opened it and nodded, "Yes, April sixth," she found it hard to suppress the smile as she remembered how thankful she had been that it waited until the Sunday after Mikael had gone back to the ship before starting. She sighed as she felt almost a physical pang in her side at the thought.

The woman's frown deepened, "Was it a regular period?"

Kirsty shook her head, "Not really. It was barely more than spotting for a few days. But my periods have never been that normal."

"And before that?"

Kirsty frowned as her tummy turned over. She could hardly forget that date, "February 18th," she replied without consulting her app.

It had been her first day back at work. She had gone into the loo to cry that once again there would be no baby. It had all seemed so final then. And even now, she choked back tears as the woman shook her head.

"That's better." Her forehead creased a bit as she pushed especially hard just above Kirsty's belly button, "Was that one normal? Well, normal for you anyway."

Kirsty frowned as she opened the app again just to verify her memory. She shook her head, "Not really. It was just three days of spotting too. And usually I get really bad cramps. The past couple of times though I haven't. Thankfully."

Kirsty brushed the tears from the corner of her eyes with the back of her hand, "Things have been a bit...stressful lately. I just figured that was the reason for it all."

The woman smiled and nodded, "Maybe. So when was your last really heavy period?"

Kirsty checked the app once more, "Mid-January, the nineteenth."

The technician smiled and typed something onto the screen. "Is everything all right, Crystal?" Roz inquired.

The woman reached out her hand and squeezed Roz's hand reassuringly, "Relax. Nothing serious. There just might be some discrepancy with how far long your friend is. That is all."

Kirsty smiled as her heart beat just a tiny bit faster. As illogical as it was, some part of her almost hoped that there was. As troublesome as it could be, she held onto the tiny glimmer of hope that perhaps Mikael too was competing in the 'sperm wars' as he had called it.

Kirsty and Roz stared at one another as the woman typed away, "So does that mean she is definitely pregnant?" Roz asked

Crystal smiled, "Nothing is definite...just yet. But the probability is pretty high." She smiled at Kirsty then as she held up a long white wand and a tube of jelly, "Ready to find out for sure?"

Roz squealed and held up her phone, aimed right at Kirsty's bare midriff. "Okay, go ahead now."

Kirsty inhaled and braced herself for whatever was to come.

***

Mikael looked up from his cup of morning coffee as Sven entered the tiny galley. After being up half the night thinking about her and then finally falling asleep with his head on his desk, this day had gotten off to a horrendous start.

They had barely made open waters when a storm had blown through, making the seas some of the roughest they had ever seen. His brother at the helm was probably the only thing that had kept them from capsizing.

Too bad the man did not know women half as well as he knew Njord and Ran. Sven only nodded as he poured his own cup of strong, black coffee and shook his head as Ægir's Captive rolled a bit too much with one of the residual large waves.

His brother took the seat across from him rather than head towards his cabin down the hallway. They drank in silence for a few moments before he spoke, "I will finish the cabin when we get back."

Mikael nodded uncertain what to say. Sven had not moved back into his bedroom at the Holding since they left. Not that he blamed him. He wished like hell he had somewhere else to sleep.

His mother had steadfastly refused to move back in, saying that she had not been the bride in a very long time. Besides why would she give up a warm spot next to his father for that monstrosity of bed all alone most nights.

So he was the one that slept all alone on the second floor that had once teemed with life of his brothers, his daughter...and his wife.

He swallowed the almost cold, bitter liquid as he reminded himself that she was not...not anymore. Bjorn's wife. Bjorn's new baby. "She might be pregnant you know," why those words spilled from his lips he did not know.

The almost painful look and quick intake of breath from his elder brother should have brought more satisfaction than it did. But they were not, "Seems little brother got the job done that we could not," he instantly regretted the bitter words as Sven stood and walked back to the counter.

Sven stood with his back to him for a long moment before pouring another cup of coffee. When he finally turned back to face him, his face was a dark and unreadable mask, "I'll finish Niflheimr when we get home," was all the man said as he picked up his cup of freshly poured coffee and this time did walk down the hall to his cabin.

The cabin where she had stayed during that first crossing after they kidnapped her. The cabin where Mikael had first tasted her sweetness. Her blood and her delectable little cunt. If he concentrated very hard he could almost hear her sweet cries as she came on his tongue. He cursed his cock that was hardening inside his pants.

What had happened? What had gone wrong? How had they lost her? And they had lost her.

He cursed as he stood from the table and poured himself another cup of hot black coffee to take with him to the bridge. The helm was his for a few hours.

He remembered how that had once brought him such comfort, but nothing did any more. He missed his baby girl. He missed his little brother. And he missed her.

"Lilla gumman," he sighed resignedly.

***

Sven tossed and turned in his bed. He was bone tired after one of the biggest tests of his life. He should be exhausted and his body was. His mind though could not stop thinking...about her.

He swore he could smell her sweetness on the pillow. Though he had long since changed the sheets from their last encounter here on the boat...when she had come so willingly to him. He chuckled, more like she had taken him.

He felt like an elephant was sitting on his chest. He could barely breathe. The pain that sliced through him was deeper than anything he could have imagined.

How? How had they come to this?

His own stupidity. His.

And now it was too late. Not only had Bjorn taken her back to the very job that he had been so worried about, but now there was a new baby tying them to that world even more. Bjorn's baby. A child that might never know its true inheritance...the sea.

And it was all his fault. He turned over and punched the pillow, more out of frustration than any vain attempt to find a comfortable position. He was wise enough to know that he would never again have that, because the only comfort he had ever known in this world was in her arms.

"Kirsten," he whispered though he knew that she could not hear him a thousand miles and another lifetime away.

***

The technician smiled, "This is going to be cold," she warned, but her words did not prepare Kirsty for the slimy wetness that pooled just below her belly button.

Boom...boom...boom...boom. The sound of drums beating quickly and loudly filled the tiny curtained off space as the technician reached over and turned a dial quietening the noise a bit, but it could still be heard in the background, "Is that?" Kirsty barely dared to breath as the wand pressed deeper into her abdomen as Crystal began moving it around her stomach.

She nodded her head with a smile. "Yes, that's your..." she paused and pressed the instrument even harder just above her pubic bone. "That's your little girl's heart beat."

Kirsty shook her head. It had been years since her anatomy and physiology course in uni, but that made no sense. If she remembered correctly, you could not tell a baby's sex using ultra sound before eighteen weeks? But perhaps her information was out of date? "But how can you tell it's a girl? Isn't it way to soon."

The woman opened her mouth to answer, but then she frowned and closed it. Her face scrunched tightly in concentration as she studied the screen to her side.

Kirsty's heart beat faster. Something was wrong with her baby. Suddenly nothing else mattered as her vision clouded over.

Roz noticed and dropped the phone, "What is it, Crystal?" She could hear the alarm in her friend's voice and they reached out for one another at the same time.

The woman turned and her smile was tight but it was a genuine one nonetheless, "Don't panic. It is nothing serious, but I do need Doctor Patek's opinion. I won't be gone long." She stood and turned off the monitor. Looking right at Roz, she added, "I mean it...do not worry, understand me?"