Submission Diary

19/March 10:00pm

Dear Diary.

Still nothing from Master, He is very distant. I don't even think he's been reading this diary, despite the fact it was his idea. I feel abandoned.

Feeling so lonely has given me a bad case of nostalgia. I keep thinking back to when we first met, that empty feeling I'd get when I'd go home at night without him. The constant feeling of nervous excitement when we were together. I'd felt naked, like he knew me better than anyone else on earth. It felt like he could just look at me and see the colour of my soul, and to be honest that scared me.

I remember working my behind off, doing two jobs and a correspondence course, my skin and hair always greasy from the atmosphere I was working in. I smelled of greasy chicken no matter how hard I scrubbed. I didn't work out anymore at that stage, I'd had no time. I had no friends either, they left me behind. Their lives were worlds away from mine; they partied while I did everything I could to secure myself a future.

I don't know how I managed to lose so much weight, but my skin had started to sag and my muscles had wasted away. The dark circles under my eyes had very nearly taken over my pale face. My work uniforms both hung off me making me look sick. But still every day I got out of bed, studied, dressed and went to work, came home for a nap, and went to work again. Coffee, breakfast bars and stress kept me going.

I was on the closing shift at Macca's the day I met Master, mopping the floor for the third time that shift. Exhaustion had started to get the better of me by then and I was half cleaning, half playing in the spilt strawberry thick shake, drawing patterns on the floor when a man grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face him and roared at me "Listen to me girl, I wont repeat myself a fourth time! One black coffee and one blueberry muffin."

I looked up at the counter but I was the only one out the front. So I nodded and muttered a quick "Yes sir" before I scurried away. I bought his coffee to the counter, but he was not there to collect and pay for it. Glancing around, I saw him seated by the window reading a newspaper, obviously expecting me to give him table service. I was nearly frozen with indecision, but there was no one around so I decided just this once it would be ok.

On my way over to him I noticed the sweetest thing. Well, I thought it was sweet anyway. He had finished mopping the floor for me!

I didn't know how to thank him. His presence threw me off balance, making me feel vulnerable. It was like... How do I describe it? It was like knowing there's a hot stranger watching you undressing and getting off on it. You're embarrassed, but thrilled at the same time.

I put his coffee and muffin down in front of him and then just stood there, like an idiot. Didn't say anything, ask for payment, thank him for mopping the floor... nothing. I still blush thinking about it even today. He continued to read the paper, sipping his coffee silently while I just stood there. It occurred to me during that time that we'd have to close up soon, but I didn't know how to say it so I continued standing there. Only God knows how long I stood at his side patiently waiting, but eventually he turned to me, as if he was used to having someone silently waiting on his whims and said "Three seventy right?" handing over correct change. I nodded and smiled dumbly.

"It's about closing time isn't it?" He asked, searching my face (probably trying to find out if I was just shy or if I was completely stupid).

I nodded again, this time managing a very mouse-like "yes". There was a pause, but before I lost my voice again I squeaked "Thank you for finishing the floor for me Sir"

"You need someone to take care of you" was his reply "A decent night sleep might be good too. You look like someone has punched you in the head a few times."

Of course, despite that fact I knew he was right, I got offended and stormed off.

I know, not much of a love story ay? Our second meeting was a little better. It was the same time, two nights later, and I was alone again, serving the very few late night customers and wiping down the counter.

"I see you didn't do as I suggested"

I looked up, expecting him to be further back, but he was leaning over the counter toward me. I could smell coffee on his breath, and felt my heart start to beat faster.

"I'll have the same as always..." He joked with a forced familiarity. I later realized he was testing me, but for some reason at the time, it didn't register in my frazzled brain.

I went and got his black coffee and blueberry muffin. He smiled at me and it was a soppy romance novel moment. My world flooded with warmth. Blushing, I tried to look away, but he held my chin in one hand, forcing me to look up into his face. He whispered, his voice husky, "I was hoping I'd see you here tonight"

Someone stepped up behind him to order, so he left his $3:70 and went to sit down, leaving me flustered. There was five minutes to go before I'd have to make sure everyone had left, close up and have my till counted when he stepped up to the counter again. I met his eyes asking him silently "What do you want from me?"

Then he did something I'd never have thought of in 1000 years. He put 850 dollars in notes on the counter in front of me and said "Take three days off work. Get some sleep. Do your hair, or whatever it is you girls do." And with a wave of his hand he was off.

I tried to call him back, but he wouldn't listen, and I was afraid to yell because I didn't want trouble from my supervisor. So I did something I never even considered. I not only took money from a stranger, but I followed his orders. I called in sick to both my jobs for three days straight and spent the time pampering myself and sleeping in. It was just what I needed but at the same time, it was like hell to me. All I could think about was him.

I wondered what he would like me to do. I wanted to impress him, to make him think I was pretty. I wondered what ulterior motives he might have, and why he gave me the money. I was afraid he'd expect something in return, something I couldn't give, but at the same time I was thrilled that he'd pay so much attention to me.

Tomorrow night Alexei will bring Hannah back for dinner. Oh joy.

I'm off to bed to sleep alone... again.

~ Myesisha