It was already the last days of July but it didn't feel like summer at all. She hadn't been in London for much more than a month and she was still not used to the constantly overcast, drizzly weather and all that suffocating humidity that makes you feel hot and cold at the same time. But no matter how this city beat her down the last few weeks, she still liked it here. She needed the challenge, she needed the separation from all that was familiar and at this point quite boring for her, and being away from everything that reminded her of all the shit she'd been through the last couple of years made her breathe that bit more easily. But at the same time it made all of her issues and insecurities surface and look like a giant mountain she had to climb in high heels and a handbag. It gave her no choice but to stare right back at her spoiled little self and doubt every one of her achievements, every praise she had ever gotten -and she had gotten a lot of them for her age; about half of them for no good reason but just to build her up, she reckoned.
She got dressed to go out- maybe visiting some of the many landmarks she hadn't seen yet would cheer her up. Just walking out the door and around the corner to the shop made her feel tired, and she realized it was one of those days that getting out of the flat was not a good idea. As she was paying for her tobacco, forcing herself to smile back to the cute guy at the till, she decided to stop kidding herself and go home.
As soon as she walked back in, she ran the tap and rolled a smoke while the bathtub was filling up, and took a cold bottle of beer to the garden. The smell of smoke and hop woke her confident, no-nonsense side right up: "pull it together, you wimp" she told herself "it's just a rough patch, we all have them, suck it up- you're gonna be fine". She grinned at herself; it always amused her how her soft and sentitive side irritated the hell out of the more dynamic and practical parts of her.
Back in her room, she took her shoes, dress and leggings off. The curvy girl in navy blue underwear in the mirror caught her eye, and she began examining her. She lightly ruffled her long blond hair with her fingers. She licked her lips a bit nervously and for half a minute her eyes kept stopping on all her flaws, or the things she perceived as such. After a little while though, she relaxed a bit and started to observe her own body in more detail, like she did when she was studying a picture before drawing it: the steep, full curves from her waist to her hips, giving way to softer ones down her thighs to her knees; her strong and shapely calves and ankles that gave away her love for dancing. She then looked back up at the little stretch marks at the top of her thighs, her lower stomach, the visible part of her breast; she loved those marks, as to her they were a badge of honour from dealing with a couple of different eating disorders a few years back. Her eye then wandered up to her glowing white neck, long and soft, her ever so slightly visible collarbone, her broad shoulders; her ample breast that was one of the parts she loved most about herself, and so did all of her previous lovers. She smiled at herself, awkwardly at first, a bit naughtily after a bit. Her smile was big and sweet as ever, her lips soft and well shaped, her eyes now a kind of indiscernible greyish green colour.
She looked away and started humming a song as she took her bra off, ran her hands over her breasts, massaging them just for a couple of seconds, savouring the feeling of the soft, warm flesh finally being set free, and then quickly slid her knickers off and headed to the bathroom.
In the steams of her bath, she found the comfort she needed lately. That hard, icy feeling of having to stay positive and strong at all times melted away for a bit and she felt the vulnerability of desperately missing him engulf her; yes, she missed him terribly, there was no denying that, no matter how hard she tried to brush off the feeling in her everyday life. And who could judge her for trying to fight it, it was just plain crazy. She barely knew the guy. They'd met online just a few days short of a year ago, they were thousands of miles away, and she had met him only once in real life, when she decided to visit him for a couple of days on her holiday. Sure, they'd been talking regularly for months, and they had begun to trust each other with a few of their life details, which she obviously did way more than him, but most of it was still either small talk or amazing sex chat, a lot of the time better than actual sex with most guys she'd been with. Really, the passion and the nerve on this guy made her head spin in a way that sometimes even pissed her off. How did he do it? How did he know exactly the words to make her wet in a matter of seconds? How had he managed to turn this free-spirited, laid back girl into a wet desperate mess, into a rabid fucking nympho, willing to do anything he told her, willing to go and find the most unimaginable places, private or public, at any time of the day to get herself off, to make herself cum and let him know, just to feed his- her Master's- lust, and sometimes not even that, but just his ego?
But she knew, he could not hide, that this was nothing more than a character. Under all of this dominance and intensity there was a gentle, sensitive soul, that he wouldn't let her but catch slight glimpses of. A man that, oddly, does not think a lot of himself. A man that is capable of love and affection, who is intelligent – brilliant, in fact, she thought – and genuine, a man who is sweet, respectful, appreciative, who loves his friends and family, who is social and fun; all of that was the reason that she was able to trust him so much to be her Master – and he kept proving himself more than up to the responsibility. Knowing, or rather feeling all of that made all the challenges he put her through not only bearable, but utterly intoxicating. That depth in his personality from a smart, friendly guy, to a merciless Master treating her, his little whore, like a sex toy, made her melt inside in a way she had never felt before.
As she relaxed and immersed herself deeper into the soapy water, absent-mindedly lifting each one of her legs in turn and watching the steam coming off of her skin, she reminisced of how she first started talking to Master, and she couldn't help but feel that little sting of guilt again. Because when they first met online, when she had her first, incredibly intense orgasm for him, when they first exchanged their fantasies which then gave way to pictures of her naked body and video clips of himself stroking his magnificent hard cock over her, when he first started taking control of her and her orgasms, she was in a commited relationship with another man. Her now ex-boyfriend, no matter how pointless and frustrating their relationship had become around their last year, was a good guy and loved her to pieces. He did not deserve what she had been doing behind his back, even for just a couple of weeks before finally breaking up, while she tried to hide behind the cheap technicality of "it's not cheating if you don't physically have sex with the guy". Sure, it was not the same, but it was still an absolute bitch move on her part and she knew it, not to mention really out of character for her. Although she did enjoy flirting and even sleeping around quite a bit when she was single, she had always prided herself on her loyalty inside relationships, and now she had somewhat tainted her own opinion of herself. She did not believe in that "no regrets" nonsense; she deeply regretted what she had done. Not the part where she had started talking to her Master, of course- she would never regret that. After all, it was exactly what she needed, and the relationship was doomed a really fucking long time before Master came along. But she regretted not being honest with herself most of all, and not breaking up with her ex before she went around sending a stranger pictures of her tits. But what was done was done, and the only thing she could do now was to acknowledge her guilt, and move on. "At least something good came out of all that", she thought.
And how fucking good it was, indeed. The mental image of her Master was forcing its way into her brain again, and made her wriggle in the bathtub a bit. She started thinking about his sexy, deep but lively voice breathlessly growling in her ear, his hot breath on the side of her face "Who owns you, whore?", and her whole body shivered. She rolled her ass a bit further down the tub, so her shoulders were completely under the hot water, rested her head on the rolled towel behind her neck, closed her eyes and saw him before her.
***