Seated at my kitchen table, I was attempting to explain a practical application of solid geometry to Kitty Vaughn, a high school junior who was one of my math students at Thayer High School. Like a number of her peers, she was floundering due to the teaching methods of Esther Hirschberg, the student teacher with whom Dr. Fiorelli had saddled me this semester. Given the uncomplimentary nickname "Miss Prissy" by the student body for her resemblance to the skinny spinster hen from the Foghorn Leghorn cartoons and her classroom presence, Ms. Hirschberg lectured like Donald Duck but tested like Albert Einstein. The long-legged, very pretty Kitty was not the only student she'd sufficiently confused to beg me for private tutoring. I was making a nice bit of income on the side defogging the minds Miss Prissy bewildered.
"Kitty, the problem is simple. Remember what I taught you last year in plane geometry? When you have a problem you don't understand, break it down into smaller parts, solve the parts you do understand, then look at the problem again. Let's break it down. Do you remember the formula for the area of a circle?"
"A equals Pi times the radius squared, right?"
"Correct. And if you multiply that by length, what do you get?"
She was silent for a moment. "The volume of a cylinder?" she asked hesitantly.
"Exactly. Now, look at the problem again. It's one my grandfather the ship captain did all the time when he was running to the Philippines after World War II. Read it out loud. Draw what you see on your scratch paper; it might help you visualize it." She picked up her pencil and sketched as she read the problem aloud.
"You are the cargo officer of a freighter floating in salt water. You are to load mahogany logs at No. 4 Hatch. The logs are floating alongside. 20% of each log is above the surface.
"The logs are six feet in diameter and fifty feet long. The weight of seawater is 64 pounds per cubic foot.
"The cargo gear at the hatch consists of a yard-and-stay rig with a safe working load of 20 long tons, and a jumbo boom with a safe working load of 50 long tons. 1 long ton is 2,240 pounds or 1,000 kilograms.
"Required: can the logs be safely loaded using the ship's cargo gear? Justify your answer."
She looked at me. I pointed to her sketch of a cylinder. She punched numbers into the calculator and got the volume of the log: 1,413.71 cubic feet.
"I know the volume, but how do I figure the weight?"
I drew a circle, divided it into 5 parts, and colored in 4 of them. I looked at her.
"The shaded part is how much is underwater." I looked at her significantly.
He face lit up. "So that's how much seawater it's displacing! That means the log weighs 80% of 1,413.71 times 64, or," she punched buttons, "72,382 pounds. Divided by 2,240 pounds, the log weighs... 32.31 long tons."
I looked at her again, raising an eyebrow. She reread the problem.
"The answer is Yes, but only if I use the jumbo boom?"
"Precisely. The problem only
looks
complicated. The only information you are not given is the formula for calculating the volume of the log, which you already know."
"Why can't Ms. Hirschberg explain it like that?" Kitty almost screamed.
"Because she's a fucking idiot!"
I didn't say, though I certainly thought it. "She's still finding her feet as a teacher," I temporized. "She doesn't understand that students don't get theoretical problems half as well as practical ones."
Kitty got up and gathered her things. "Oh, I almost forgot, Mr. Fredericks. My mother wants to talk to you about continuing to tutor me."
"Have her call me," I said as I walked the elfin girl with the red-blonde hair to the door, handing her a card with my school and cellphone numbers on it.
"No, she wants to meet you in person. When would be a good time?"
"I'm at school until four o'clock most days and at home most evenings. Ask her to call me and we'll arrange something." I waved goodbye as she pulled out in her Boxster convertible.
My cell phone rang the next afternoon after school as I was going over the kids' homework after school with Miss Prissy. The fact many of the papers showed the same mistakes in each problem meant her classes were not grasping some elementary concepts. This in turn indicated to me that Prissy wasn't getting them across to the students. Something was going to have to be done to remedy that. I was trying to think how to upbraid her diplomatically when my phone buzzed.
"Excuse me," I said, walking into the hall to take the call.
"Hello?" A warm contralto voice answered me.
"Mr. Fredericks? This is Katryn Vaughn."
Although we had never spoken before, to me she needed no introduction. After I'd earned a battlefield commission in Operation Desert Storm with the Green Berets, my first independent command had been an A-Team with the peacekeepers in Bosnia during the Bosnian War. She had been a celebrity there, the first girl from "the cockpit of Europe" to make it as a high fashion model in many years. Katryn Pokoran had been a sensation in Paris, Milan, Vienna and London before making the jump across the pond to New York and Los Angeles. She'd successfully worked the runways and fashion magazines for three or four years. She was a popular mannequin in the design world, well regarded by those who covered the fashion industry and had been the favorite of one up-and-comer who was now a renowned, big name designer. She had then been wooed and wed by Drake Vaughn, a high-powered, well-connected Washington corporate lawyer. They'd had one child, Katherine, my student Kitty, before Drake dumped her in favor of a younger model in a pathetic attempt to prove his virility. Because of a pre-nup, although she wasn't poor by most people's standards she wasn't one of the idle rich either. She had moved to my town an hour from DC and worked in the offices of an animal-rescue charity as much to occupy her days as from conviction, according to supermarket magazines that followed the lives of celebrities.
"Kitty said you wanted to talk to me, Mrs. Vaughn."
"Katryn, please; and yes, I do."
I figured this was going to be the blame-the-tutor speech that grade-obsessed helicopter parents trot out when their precious offspring are still getting poor marks despite diligent tutoring. Preemptive strike time.
"Are you calling to terminate her lessons?" I asked brusquely.
"Not at all! What you're doing with Kitty seems to be working wonders. That's what I want to talk about. Could we meet for a coffee? I have a proposal I'd like to put to you. If today is convenient, when could you meet me at Colombia Supremo?"
"Would 5:00 be too late, Katryn?"
"That would be fine. How will I recognize you?"
I smiled. "I'll wear a carnation in my lapel."
"And I'll be carrying a large red leather shoulder purse," she laughed. "The challenge will be, 'Excuse me, is that a Louis Vuitton?' and the response will be, 'No, it's a Coach bag.' Will that do it?"
"John Le Carre has a great deal to answer for," I riposted. Her laughter was bell-like in my ear as she hung up.
Talking to Katryn had somehow focused me. I went back into the classroom. Tossing diplomacy aside, I reverted to my earlier incarnation as a Green Beret major. I gave Miss Prissy a thorough chewing-out over her stubbornly plowing ahead to cover the course material on
her
schedule whether the kids understood each concept or not. Her protests that she had gone over everything and they should have gotten it from one lesson fell on deaf ears.
"You'll go over it again, and again, and yet again until they
do
get it," I finished. "If they don't get the idea one way, try something else. You're lecturing as if they were grad students in advanced mathematics.
They aren't
. They're just high school kids.