Stepping into the hallway of the house, the computer light blinking as I step near it, the answering machine blinking out its need for attention also, I close my eyes and just stand there, breathing deeply and trying to tear my thoughts away from someone I loved at one time and still am trying to convince myself I no longer want.
Afraid to walk over to the answering machine because I don't want to hear his voice, I sit down at the computer and flip the mouse to bring it alive. As it comes out of sleep mode, I open my dorm fridge and grab a cold diet soda. Popping the top and humming a bit, I sip at the cold stuff, enjoying the fizz on my tongue.
The computer finally warms up and my desk top appears with the picture of my pug, Bugs. I call him my mafia hit pug because he looks the part. One eye closed and his head tilted just so. He's a heavy weight boy. Thirsty eight pounds of massive grump!
After making myself relax and breath, I lean back in my chair and click on the mail box. Seeing there's something from my chat account, I open it and find an email from a dominant who I have never seen before. Taking a deep breath, I open the mail and there's a description of this man who tells me he is a dominant. Well, the experience I have had has not been all that great and I was not anxious to make another go of it.
After reading the email, I put it aside and resist the temptation of looking at his picture. He seems like a nice guy, he doesn't seem to be conceited like most doms I know. He isn't tooting his own horn. Who knows, maybe this one will be worth looking in to.
Going to the kitchen and turning on the tea pot, reading the snail mail and getting my tea cup ready, I pour the scalding water and add the stuff I like in my tea. Bringing the cup to the table, I sit and relax. Thinking about my last dominant makes me feel a little sad. He was a great teacher and had shown me the real me inside and how free I could be as a slave.
I denied ever thinking I could be a slave, though it did seem like something I may be could explore. Reading his mail to me and studying the "books" he wrote to teach me his ways, I learned a lot about what was going on inside me. I did want to serve completely. I did want to give of myself totally. And I did want to be loved as no one has ever been loved because I chose to serve my Master first and foremost, bringing me into the equation last.
