Secret Smiles and Three Little Words

This section includes some information that I hadn't even thought about until it was brought up. This has information that was inspired by Crazy_Christine, some answers for you, my Lady. It wasn't until you wondered that I thought on it, it was in my head but never fully brought out. I hope this answers some of your questions.

A special thanks to gentleoneexplorer and Silentsubmissive for their continuing encouragement through my email and on the feedback portal.

*****

Chapter 36*

She walked softly in the sand out towards him, the sun just off the horizon, peeking over the trees. He sat on a towel, nude, which she was still getting used to, watching the ocean roll in and out on the beach.

"Good morning," he said when she was near.

"Good morning!" she smiled as she sat down, gingerly. He shook his head at her but she leaned in and kissed him with a smile.

"I wish you wouldn't have done that," he said to her as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I'm ecstatic that I did!" she countered not looking at him.

"It could have waited," he said softly. "I was in no hurry." She huffed out a disbelieving breath.

"You just don't get it, do you?" she asked him as she watched the water. "Unlike what you believe, I don't have a desire to dominate someone. I do, however, have an overwhelming desire, an insatiable desire, to please you. In every way imaginable!" She looked to him and he saw the passion in her eyes.

"I can't explain it, I've never felt such an overwhelming force in my life! The only thing that comes close, is my art," she told him kissing his outer arm.

"Seeing the look on your face, when I please you...well that is what I'm in this for. It's not the orgasms. It's not the way you make me feel while we are in a scene. It's seeing your face after that scene. Seeing your face last night as I finally got to please you in a way I hadn't before," she shrugged as she couldn't come up with the words to adequately describe the internal thoughts and feelings she had.

"You are the first woman in my life, that has pleased me in ways I never thought possible," he told her bringing her tears to the edges of her eyes. "I just want you to know something." He let a smile slither out.

"And what is that, Sir?" she smiled with him.

"If you leave me, I'm going full on stage five cling on...I'm talking boiling rabbits and shit," he threw back at her.

"I like rabbit stew," she smiled as the tear fell. "But I promise you, that will never enter my mind. I'm here for the long haul. I'm here until I can't breathe anymore."

"Then we are on the same page," he nodded.

"So there is nothing left to fear," she smiled.

"Have I given you something to fear?" he asked her.

"Every day," she smiled. "When I can't touch you, I realize just how empty I would be if you aren't there."

"Touch me," he said firmly. "Anytime you want."

"I can't," she huffed out a laugh. "We are not in the vanilla world."

"Then I'm changing the rules," he said stroking her face. "Touch me when the desire strikes you."

She reached up and stroked his face. Her fingers quivering with happiness.

"Any chance I can get you to stop spending lavishly on me?" she asked. "Seeing how you are in a rule changing mood?"

"None," he said firmly which caused her to laugh. "I like spoiling you. I like spending my money on you, it gives me great pleasure." She nodded that she understood.

He pushed her back into the sand and covered her body with his, his mouth tonguing gently on her lips before closing the gap to kiss her. He maneuvered between her legs and she wrapped her arms around him. Her fingers snaking into his hair and that brought out his smile. She matched him. She finally had what she wanted, permission to touch him as she pleased.

She gasped as she felt him enter her, her body screaming for him to do so. He continued to kiss her, his hips grinding into her slowly. Alex lifted her legs and wrapped them around him, her feet pulling on his backside, urging him deeper within her.

His lips devouring around her. First her lips, then her ear, then her neck before falling back to her lips. Their tongues battling one another in a playful game of swordsmanship.

Her fingers pulling at his hot skin, her nails digging slightly as she pulled on his broad shoulders, holding his body tight to hers. Her teeth gnashing on his shoulders when his mouth wasn't covering hers.

He pressed off the sand and hovered over her, his hands in the hot sand on either side of her head as he thrust into her. Her breasts jostling with his thrusts, jumping as he increased his speed into her. He looked down and saw the nipples hardening in her sheen of sweat brought on by the heat of the early morning, and their lovemaking.

She used her grip around his neck to pull herself up to him to nibble on his chest as he continued to pound away at her. He leaned back, his knees coming under him as he sat on his heels, his cock never leaving her. She laid back and watched him.

He lifted her legs up and put them into the crook of his arms, then leaned forward, forcing her feet up near his head. She smiled at him, and she was thankful for being somewhat flexible as this position allowed him a deeper penetration into her.

He was now in a near push up on her while he was in her, her legs folded up and the only joining of their bodies was the way their sexes intermingled. She was staring up at him as she grunted with the force of his thrusts. Her body on fire as her orgasms began, first one, then another, then another.

The only time she would not watch his handsome face was when her orgasms forced her eyes closed. She wanted to watch him, to see his face when his orgasm hit. She was under the same impression he was when her orgasms came. Nothing pleased her more than his orgasm. When his body would stiffen, his orgasm would flow from his body into her hotly.

She watched it build on his face and smiled as she bit her lip.

"Cum for me Sir," she begged. "I need your cum!" she egged him on.

He doubled his speed and his force, now her feet were near her shoulders as he pummeled her sex with his cock. Then with a shudder she had her wish. It flowed from him as he crushed her lips with his and stared into her blue eyes as he erupted in her.

For the first time since they were together, Alex thought about how it would please her for this moment, his orgasm into her would cause a life to spring from her body. No they weren't married, and no they may not be ready. But the time spent with Nora had her thinking how wonderful a father he would be. And she wanted that. Soon. Sooner than she had ever dreamed, but this man had her thinking those thoughts.

***

They were swaying in the hammock, this was what she was loving more than anything. More than the sex, more than the fact that he wouldn't be leaving on some call at any moment. It was these tender moments where they were just lying together, touching one another, that she was living for.

Now she lay in his arms, both staring at the palm trees above their heads, the white wisps of clouds on the perfectly sunny day, and just beyond that, the blue he said reminded him of her eyes. Soft, deep and soothing.

They weren't talking, just swaying with the flick of his leg every once in a while as it hung over the side to keep them softly swinging. She in the crook of his shoulder as his arm was draped over her, his hand wrapped into her fingers.

Her other hand up and stroking through his dark hair, enjoying her new found freedom to touch him. She reveled in it. Now there wouldn't be that regret of touching him and having to stop. Now she could touch him, at any time, just to make sure he was real.

"Can I ask you some questions?" she asked him dreamily.

"Of course," he laughed.

"Some may be painful," she warned him.

"Ask your questions," he said softly.

"Tell me about your parents," she whispered.

"What do you want to know?" he chuckled seeing this was one of the question she was worried about.

"Everything," she said.

"Well," he shrugged. "Of course you know, my mom was teacher, we lived in Minneapolis. My dad was the janitor. They met there, her in her first year, he in his second. A kid had thrown up in the classroom on her first day!"

"Wow! Welcome to teaching!" Alex laughed.

"I know," he smiled kissing her head. "My dad said their marriage was built on vomit!" This caused Alex and Gavin to laugh together.

"God they loved one another," Gavin said with a shake of his head and a wistful smile that Alex didn't see, but she could feel.

"I used to go over to friend's houses and see how their parents acted then thought they were weird because their dad didn't bring home flowers randomly. Or gifts randomly, things for no reason at all," Gavin said. "I thought that was how you showed a woman you loved her, you spoiled her!"

Alex turned and looked at him.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" she asked him. He shrugged. "Nobody does that!"

"Nobody?" he asked.

"Not until I met you have I ever been spoiled in such a fashion by a man," she said settling back into her previous heavenly position. "I mean they would take me out, to a movie or dinner, but I always knew there was an ulterior motive!"

"My father always told me, make sure the women in your life know that you appreciate them. In words and in deeds," Gavin told her. "Words can be hollow, he would say, but if you say the words and do the deeds, they know they are coming from the heart."

"I asked him why he bought flowers for mom all the time," Gavin said kissing her head. "He said he would see something, during his day, that would remind him of her and he had to buy it, most of the time it was the beauty of the colorful flowers. They matched her."

"They were always kissing on one another," Gavin remembered gently. "I would bring somebody over and they would embarrass me as they would always be touching or kissing."

"That sounds fantastic!" Alex growled at him.

"It wasn't so fantastic when I was ten," he laughed. "My friends would be like, are they going to have sex? It was pretty gross!" This had Alex laughing with him.

"I was in college when my mom got sick," Gavin said with a frown. "Dad was beside himself, he couldn't handle it."

"I can't blame him," she said softly.

"They didn't tell me for the longest time," Gavin told her, a tinge of anger at the fact in his words. "I was in med school when they finally told me, by that time mom had already been told she didn't have but a few months."

"I was livid!" Gavin admitted to her. "I mean, yelling at them, throwing a tantrum that would have made you proud!" Alex nodded. She didn't want to stop him with words she knew would be pointless to soothe his pain as no words could.

"I wanted to come home, but mom threatened to whoop me if I did," he said through his teeth. "She said she didn't raise a quitter, I was to graduate, she would see me do that before she left."

"I did everything I could to hurry it along," Gavin admitted. "My dad took her around the world with him. Which was always his desire, to take her on cruises in the Med. To see the Great Wall, to swim the Great Barrier Reef. They saved their whole lives for those trips, dad gave up on them when she got sick."

"She demanded they go," he continued after wiping his eye. "Doctor advised against it. But mom always got her way with dad. They went. They lived. They loved."

"She lied to me," Gavin said finally. "She passed before I graduated."

Alex cried there with him, she could feel his body shaking slightly as he struggled to keep his emotions in check.

"Dad said he felt responsible for it," he continued. "He said not to be angry with her, if he hadn't taken her on the trips perhaps she would have been strong enough to last."

"Pavy broke the news to me that dad had died in his sleep a few months later," he gasped. "I know the man just couldn't live without the woman that made his heart beat."

"At graduation, I had their wedding picture under my cap," Gavin finally was able to get out.

"I'm so sorry," Alex whispered through her tears. She let him sit there while she gently stroked his hair. Trying her best to soothe the pain he was feeling.

"You know," he said after a while. "You, Pavy and Madelyn are the only one who know that."

"Thank you," she said softly. "I know they are very proud of you. You didn't quit. You had every reason to, but you didn't."

"Now what do you want to know?" he asked.

"Why couldn't Alyssa keep you as a sub? Why was it so horrific for you? I mean, I absolutely love being your sub! I love being a sub more than playing with Erin that night by a long shot!" She asked him turning to look up at him. She hoped this wasn't nearly as painful as the last question turned out to be.

"I mean, Alyssa was gorgeous, had a fantastic body," Alex continued to rave, as she went back to her original position. "She seemed adventurous. She seemed like she would have been a good match for you."

"Yeah," he shrugged. "I liked Alyssa, but she was wanting more than I could give."

"Explain," Alex demanded.

"Well, it was early on in my lifestyle experience," he began. "I wasn't sure what I wanted, Madelyn had guided me around at my first party. She was a great mentor, see my mother and Madelyn had a lot of the same attitude. Very dynamic, very strong." Alex nodded.

"Anyway, Madelyn is the one that encouraged me to try it all before deciding. An informed decision is the best one," he said.

"Sounds vaguely familiar," Alex teased. He kissed her head.

"I met Alyssa, she was into her third year of the life," he continued. "She had tried the sub thing for the first year, then she was a Switch for a short time. After a while, she found that being a Domme was more to her satisfaction so she kept that persona."

"I met her at one of Madelyn's parties," he said flicking his leg to get them going again. "She convinced me to try being a sub." He sighed deeply. "Like I said, it wasn't for me, and the entire time I found no enjoyment. Not that Alyssa didn't try, she did. She tried various things to expose me to something I would like. I just couldn't let go and let it happen."

"Why?" There was a long silence as they sat there. The gentle swinging of the hammock making the only sound as the rope rubbed on the tree.

"I don't like to feel helpless," he finally admitted. "I was helpless to save my mom. I was never more helpless than in med school when I was running around trying to find Carla. Or when I was taking care of her after she was coming down from a bad trip. I was helpless to help her in her pleas at rehab. Helpless to save her at the end."

"I vowed I would never not be in control again," he said firmly.

Alex turned to face him, her eyes apologetic.

"I'm so sorry!" she gasped. "If I would have known that...I would have never forced you last night!"

He took her face in his hands and his smile comforted her.

"Last night," he smiled and shook his head. "Wasn't the same feeling."

"It wasn't?"

"I can't explain it," Gavin shrugged. "But I didn't feel helpless. Yes I started to get the same feeling, but then...,"

"What?" she asked him when he stopped and shook his head.

"Then I looked into your eyes and I saw the pleasure in them," he smiled. "I then trusted you, and knew that you wouldn't make me helpless."

"Of course," he smiled broadly with a shrug. "Seeing my cock in your tight little ass was pretty awe inspiring as well!" He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

She moved up to him and kissed him, before putting her head on his chest as she laid on her side. Her hand gently stroking his chest as she listened to the soft, hypnotic thump, thump, thump of his heart.

***

He was sitting in the chair after lunch reading a book he brought with him. She was watching him from the kitchen while she washed up the dishes. He would look up from time to time and they would smile at one another.

She turned after putting the dishes in the cabinets after drying them to find him gone from the chair. The book in his place. She looked outside the kitchen window to see if he was there but he wasn't. When she turned he was coming out of the bedroom, with the rope in his hands. She smiled.

"Come here," he demanded. The Dom coming out clearly.

"Yes, Sir," she said coming to him. He picked her up and set her on the table.

"Lie back," he said placing his strong hand on her back as she leaned backward and he gently laid her on the table.

He ran his fingers over her body, running them along her arms pushing them until they were straight above her head on the table. He then moved to the head of the table and began to wrap her wrists carefully. She closed her eyes and lost herself in the feel of him running his fingers gently over her, the feel of the rope as it snugly bound her wrists together.

Unlike the night before when she tied him up, where her knot was simple, Gavin was Gavin. Complex. Soon she felt her wrists tugged on as he pulled the rope to tie it off on the legs at the far end of the table.

She felt him drag his fingers down her arms as he walked down the length of the table, his fingers brushing across her nipples as he kissed her lips, his tongue dominating her mouth. He left her suddenly, leaving her lips still tingling from his kiss.

Moving farther down, pulling his fingers with him as he went. It brushed only briefly across her sex which was a flash of disappointment but she knew that would be only short lived.

Another length of rope was now being used on one leg. Folding it up, with her heel up against her hamstring. His weaving of the rope left her leg folded in half that way. Then it was tied tightly to the leg of the table on that side. He then repeated the procedure for the other leg, tying it tightly to the opposite table leg.

Now she was spread wide, her knees pulled tightly as they were firmly restrained by the legs of the table. Impossible to close them no matter how hard she tried. She lifted her head and looked down between her knees at him. He had pulled the chair out and sat down. Her sex in front of his face as he slid the chair closer to the table like a man getting ready for a large meal.

He stared at her sex for a few moments, admiring it, it appeared to her. His secret smile out, as his eyes sparkled in utter pleasure of what lay before him. He gently lowered his head down to her, holding just off her sex to where she could feel his hot breath on her as he hovered there.

She dropped her head back to the table after watching his tongue come out and slowly trace the outside of her stretched sex. The gasp escaping her lips as he gently, lovingly tongued her sweet sex.

"Easy?" he asked her as his tongue trailed in her causing her to squirm. "Or harshly?" he said with a sinister lilt in his voice.

"Whatever pleases you, my Sir," Alex smiled remembering those words from Horse Cock the night of her first party. The party that brought her irretrievably into this life.

"Both then," he smiled. She gasped as he tongued her gently. His tongue massaging her bud, causing her to moan and yip.

He loved that little noise she made, it was pure pleasure. He knew she wasn't even aware she was making it. It let him know, she was immersed into letting herself go, to release her inhibitions to him for his pleasures.

He gently worked her, bringing her to orgasm slowly. It appeared slower than she desired, however. She would, as it built, start to rock her hips in an attempt to work his tongue faster. When she did this he would pull off of her causing her to whine audibly.

When her hips remained still for a few seconds he lowered his smiling lips back to her, slowly bringing her along until she began to move again and he stopped.