I jumped in my sleep and my eyes opened wide. Pain from my previous injuries spread across my body, more or less telling me that they had been what had awoke me. "Thank God," I found myself thinking. If not for my wounds the monster would be raping me now.
"I've got to find a way to stop the dreams. I've got to try to stop them before they kill me." With each dream I felt as if I was slipping further and further into insanity. What was reality and what was a dream. I wasn't sure anymore.
Quietly I got up out of my cozy bed and reached behind the box of crackers I always kept on the bedside table. They were great for stomachaches in the night. Five, I had five pills that I was told would help me get rid of those dreams. All I had to do was take them and it'd be over. My childhood nightmares would end. I gazed at them in the draw of my bedside table. Take them and it'd all be over. I gathered them into the palm of my hand and closed the drawer. I'd have only one reality then. I'd be whole again whatever that was.
My eyes focused on the pills laying in my hand. With each dream I found myself slipping further and further into insanity. My world was exploding all around me.
"Voices, I could hear voices."
"Code red! I repeat code red, stat!"
"This way!"
"No that way!"
Loud banging and clanging of wheels surrounded me. Then just one voice strong and male filtered in and closed off everything else. Shrives crept down my spine.
"I will have you, no matter what, my baby girl. Even in death you will be mine." A man with strong arms, black hair and no shirt on held me by my throat. He was slowly cutting off my breathing. His dark commanding eyes focused totally on mine. Promising me he wasn't done with me yet. He pulled me closer to him, and I could see the bloody marks on his body where it looked like he'd been beaten or had survived some mission that had threatened his life. He pressed his lips softly to mine. I gasped for breath as his fingers closed tighter and tighter around my throat and his image slowly faded away like a ghost from my past. A past I had no idea existed. Everything was jumbled around in my head. Reality and dream were becoming the same. I rubbed my throat and gasped for more air. Had that just happened or had I imagined it? What was reality?
I walked over to the window ledge where I always keep my mug of ice water. I took a few sips of the refreshing liquid. My eyes fall to the pills again. I needed one reality not two? Slowly, I rolled the pills around in my hand. Were there enough to end me? I hoped so as I was simply done. I couldn't take anymore. I put the first pill in my mouth and took a drink. I Looked out the window and watched the leaves falling from the tree outside. It must be fall I decided as I put the second pill into my mouth and took another drink. If they had Christmas in this reality I guess I'd be missing it. I slipped the third pill between my lips and sipped more water.
Leave me in peace I prayed as I took the fourth pill. My eyes focused on a man going by the window on a riding lawn mower. He waved at me as he passed and I returned the jester just because I felt it was something I always did. Then I slipped the last pill into my mouth and swallowed.
Perhaps, I should go outside and take a nice walk in the park. It was a beautiful day and maybe that nice park attendant would help me feed the ducks again. Then again I felt sleepy; maybe a nap would be better. I started toward the bed and found my steps to be sluggish. What was going on?
"What was I about to do?" I was lost again. Where was I? Was I dreaming again or was this reality? I felt so confused.
I let my body drop to the bed..."Ahhh," the pillows were so soft, and I felt so tired.
Water! I felt water on my cheek, and it dribbled down my neck and ran off the sides of my face into my ears. Where was it coming from? I listened. The sound of water dripping, steadily, like from a faucet, greeted my ears.
My back ached to be scratched, and I realized I was naked. My legs were not tied down to achy to move. They felt like two logs the lumber jacks had chopped down and then as an after thought refused to take them with them with them because they weighted to much.
My arms felt the same way. I glanced at them in amazement. Little red spots seemed to be covering them. I only broke out in spots if I'd been drinking beer. I was allergic to beer. I looked around, my head was spinning. I felt as if I was on a roller coaster that never stopped.
I saw a can; it was beside me. Was it an empty can of beer?
I tried to get up, and found that I couldn't, I lay back wanting to cry. My wrists hurt and I couldn't rub them. They were wrapped in bandages and I could see blood seeping out. The blood dripped on the floor and mixed with the rain that I'd just realized was falling outside. What had just happened?
I moaned, and tried to rise again. The haystack on which I was laying was unbalanced; it tilted to the left. It would have overturned and fallen to the floor if not for the prison guard who was standing beside me. He caught it and pushed both me and it back up on the stack.
I felt his fingers caress me, explore me. He smiled down at me and licked his fingers. "You are so hot." He whispered. "I bet you have no idea exactly how hot you are." Then he moved closer to my face, caressing it with loving fingers.
"You know you're bleeding. If I don't attend to it soon, you'll die." His lips slobbered over mine just as his fingers pinched one of my nipples. Already my body was responding to him.
