A Confession to My Husband

My Darling Husband,

This is the confession I am dying to make. I won't. I will probably show this to one person and then destroy it forever, but that one person won't be you. I don't know if this would hurt you, excite you, or just send you running.

I love you deeply. You are the most caring, generous considerate man in the world. You care for me and our family like no other man ever could. You are a gentle and considerate lover who pleases me endlessly. I could never imagine my life without you. Of course, now that I have discovered this other side of myself, I can't imagine my life without both of you. This is why I must keep this a secret. You know how I am though. The secret is killing me.

I'm sure you remember the night a few months ago when we experimented. We took a try at dominance and submission. I know it excited you. I didn't think it would excite me as much as it did. Truthfully, I didn't want to try it. I think of myself as very conventional and the thought of playing d/s just seemed kinky and pervy. I felt that way right up until I walked out and you started your inspection.

You started so well. You looked me up and down. You complimented me and I loved it. You corrected me... and yes, surprisingly, I loved that too. You commanded me. You told me what to do. You put me on my knees and told me to suck you. You were direct, you were gruff, you were even vulgar. I was shocked and horrified to feel the excitement of being your slave.

You tried so hard, but in the end, you relented. The first time I gagged on your dick you pulled it back out. I wanted you to force me to finish you, but you didn't. I don't know if you felt guilty or if it was just too weird for you, but you stopped. We made love. You were even softer than normal. The frustration nearly killed me. I had discovered something I wasn't comfortable with. Of course, that's what submission is about, discovering your comfort zone and leaving it just for a moment, maybe not for everyone, but that's what it is for me.

Now all of this would have just gone away. The next night you went down on me and rocked my world like you always do. It was almost enough to chase these thoughts out of my head. Another week or two and it would have just drifted away and I might never have thought about it again. If it hadn't been for Deanna's Birthday and girls' night out, it would have been like the costumes we tried once and never brought out again. Fucking Deanna though, you know how she is.

We were just sitting there. Her other friends had gone home but she wasn't ready to call it a night. It was late but not crazy late so I sat there talking to her. No one else was really around. It didn't take long with her. Talk always turns to sex. I don't know why I told her the story but I did.

I should have been suspicious of her reaction. I guess I expected her to be as shocked at my reaction as I was. She turned things around on me. She was so subtle. She just sat there smoking and asking me questions. I should have picked up the glint in her eye but I was drinking. I had drank just enough that I got honest, too honest. She asked what I liked about it. She asked what disappointed me. She asked why I stopped. She asked why you stopped. You know I always suspected she wasn't very happy about sex with Brian, and I guess I just thought she was getting a thrill out of it. I kept going.

And then she leaned in towards me. It was awkward and just a little too intimate. Her voice stayed slow, steady. She had a confidence I had never heard from her before. "This place sucks. Come on. Let's go."

I thought I was going home. I really did. She wanted me to give her a ride home. I was a little worried about how much I'd drank but I'd stopped when the other girls left. It was okay I figured. We got in the car and I took her home. Come inside she told me. No, it's late, I responded. Please, she pleaded. Another time I begged. No, you are coming in, she ordered. I did.

She made us two glasses of wine. It wasn't the best wine but I didn't plan to drink it really. Brian was on the couch. Now that I look back on it, I can see it. He wasn't watching TV. He wasn't reading. He was just sitting there. My brain ran a quick rewind. We had walked in. She had walked up to him, run her hand over his shoulder.

"Say, hi to Linda." She had told him.

"Hi, Linda."

I can see it now. I sure didn't see it then.

She sipped her wine quietly. She was just looking at me. Its not that she was checking me out, I know now she was sizing me up, thinking up her approach. How direct was she going to be able to be? How subtle would she have to be? I will admit, I was weirded out. I was ready to leave. She is a wonderful mistress. She could tell.

"I have a confession." She told me. "I really want you to just stay a little while. I want you to watch. I have a feeling you will want to leave and you can if you have to..." then she paused. She waited just looking at me. "But I really think you will be happy if you stay."

What happened next is kind of a blur. I remember parts vividly but not what happened before or after. I will remember different pieces of that night at different times. She has asked me at times to be specific and regrettably I don't remember it well enough. This, of course, brings disappointment. I don't like to displease me mistress. Wait. I'm jumping ahead.

I remember she had Brian join us in the kitchen. I remember he was buck ass naked. I remember thinking he was pretty good looking naked and that I was embarrassed to see him like that. She told him the story I had told her. I know that she did it to excite him and that she punished him by slapping his ass with a long thin spatula when he started to get an erection. I know that when he was fully erect she teased him, talking very dirty to him about it and about fucking it. She was right. I was so embarrassed I wanted to leave. She was right. It excited me. It wasn't watching him that excited me. It wasn't her jerking him off but not letting him cum. It was the way she handled him, the way she dominated him. I was discovering my inner submissive.

Again, it's fuzzy but eventually we ended up in their bedroom. I sat in a chair as I was instructed, and watched. She sucked his dick but didn't let him cum. He would beg her and she would put him off. You know I'm not bi, not in the least, but she did eventually get undressed. She instructed him to please her and I watched. I was greedy. I wanted her to cum. I wanted to watch her cum. Fuck, I wanted to cum myself. When she finally did I thought I was going to as well. I pressed my legs together. I moved my thighs hoping it would give me some sort of pressure where I needed it. I just couldn't make it happen.

I watched her ride him, desperate to touch myself. She was watching me. I would like to say I was too embarrassed to touch myself but that wasn't it at all. I know now how seduced I was. I didn't touch myself because she didn't tell me I was allowed to.

I really don't know how long they fucked. I really don't know how long I had been there. I know she was sitting cross legged on the bed while he lied there. She stroked his cock like it was a pet kitten. I would have thought she had forgotten me if she didn't keep looking at me. It was forever when she finally addressed me directly.

"Was that weird?"

"Yes." I mumbled.

"But it was good."

I remember my answer bursting from me, like when you are underwater almost too long and you finally release the breath you've been holding, "Yes."

I would have thought directness at this point would have sent me running. That's not how it works though. "I think I would like to take you on as my little slave slut. Would you like me to?"

I would have thought I would need to think before responding to that question. Again, that's not how it works. "Yes."

Naked, she left the bed. She is a tall woman, taller than I. She has a strong build, very athletic. Standing in front of me I admired her large breasts. Augmented, sure, but they were lovely. I was jealous. I think she was heavier than I expected. A little broader across the ass than I would have pictured, but she was a beautiful woman. I wouldn't give up my blonde hair, ever, but her long straight dark hair fit her. She came towards me. I thought for sure she was going to kiss me and that it would send me running, I had kissed a girl before and I didn't like it, but she stopped. She dropped to her knees. I couldn't move. She took my hands in hers. I remember thinking how similar they felt to yours.

"This is how it works." She instructed. "Submission is all the time, not just in the bedroom. In private you will address me as mistress unless instructed otherwise. If there is anyone else in the room with the exception of my slave boy, you will not refer to me by anything, not even my name. Do you agree?"

She looked up at me directly with perfect confidence. "Yes."

"Yes, Mistress." She corrected.

"Yes Mistress." I complied.

"You will speak only when spoken to, or be punished. You will do specifically what I tell you, or be punished. If you don't understand the instructions, you will do your best. If you are wrong, of course, you will be punished. You're purpose is to please me. I am not here to please you. Do you understand?"

It was automatic. I believe now I was meant for this. "Yes, Mistress."

"Now, undress for me."

I was hungry to comply. I had gotten so excited all night I was so ready to finally feel the orgasm that was built up in me. I was afraid of her touch but I really didn't care. I was more afraid that she would have Brian touch me, but that wasn't my decision. It didn't matter. It was beautiful, it was frightening. I undressed hurriedly and stood naked before my mistress who still sat kneeling on the floor.

I was embarrassed. I felt fat. I felt pale. I felt like my body looked ugly and awkward compared to hers. I stood in silence. I thought I should sit down but she hadn't told me to, had she?

"You are such a beautiful little slut!" she praised. I was shocked with the tone in her voice. Rather than cool and confident she was excited. She doted on me. "I wish my tits looked that good. Brain, look at my new slut, isn't she beautiful?!" She stood and moved around me. She touched me, her hands ran over my arm, over my shoulders. She stroked my nipple only briefly and it caused a lightning bolt to shoot through my body. I wondered if sparks had flown out of my pussy. She sat in the chair now, just looking at me. I grinned. "Slave, fetch me the black rain coat."

"Yes, Mistress." He moved almost silently.

"Now, my little slut," Cold and commanding again, "I know your pussy aches, doesn't it."

Trembling now, "Yes it does, Mistress."

Handing me a black trench coat style jacket she continued her instructions. "I want you to go home and fuck your husband till he can't get hard again. Just keep fucking him till he is spent. I don't care if it takes you all night."

"Yes mistress." Oops. I had smiled greedily when she had told me this.

"You will get more instructions later but for now, know you aren't to look me in the eye unless told. Keep your eyes to the floor like a good slave. Do you understand, Slut?"

"Yes, Mistress." My name would be slut.

At home I did what she told me to. You still talk about that night, how I came home wearing only a coat. How you were upset when you saw. How you only got more upset until I took you there on the living room floor. We set our record that night with 6, the last one coming when the sun was starting to slip in the window.

I'm sure you know now it didn't stop that night, that things had only started.

The next week was hard for me. She called me that next morning. The night before, submission had been easy. I was horny. I was a little slut excited to do what I was told. When she called the next morning and asked how her new little slut was, I giggled. I called her Dee'. When she told me she was disappointed I think I just shrugged it off. She had assigned me punishment. I was to go to the adult store on the way home and pick up a riding crop. I of course just blew it off. The next morning she called again. I was having a rough morning. Your daughter had fought me tooth and nail and your son had done nothing but cry. I told her I couldn't play along, I wasn't in the mood. She didn't call again for another day. Finally I thought I was done with all this silliness. That's when she sent me the email.

Submission was about sex, true, but it was about so much more. She told me about how it was something I needed to embrace and take seriously. She told me how she knew me and loved me as a friend. She told me how much fun it would be. It was really too much for the morning and I replied I guess this just isn't really for me. I really didn't think about it further. I was tired and cranky and irritated.

But it didn't go away. It was as if having her walk away made me need it more. By Friday it was all I could think about. I called her.

"Hello?" "Mistress?" I was unsure, if I was calling her, how did I address her.

"I thought we had decided against that." Her voice was not the cool confidence it had been. It was cold and distant.

"I can't stop thinking about it."

"You will have to me punished." One sentence in that voice, her mistress voice, and I felt it all over again. It was like she was talking directly to my pussy.

"Yes, Mistress. I know."

"Oh, my poor sweet little slut. You are so new. I had really hoped to break you in so much more slowly."

My heart raced. "Yes, mistress, I know."

"You have so much to learn. You have displeased me."

"Yes Mistress, I will please you." As I said it, the images raced through my mind. What would she have me do? How would she have me please her? I will admit. It was all about sex and all of it excited me. I was her slut. It didn't matter what she wanted me to do. I would do it. I was a good slut, I would show her.

I am contradicting myself. I am sitting here making my confession and telling you that this is all about sex and that it just isn't about sex at the same time. I wish I could reconcile that in my own head. I can think about that morning when I thought about all the different ways she could punish me. You know me better than anyone. You know I have never thought about having sex with a woman. It doesn't excite me in any way. Yet there I was, my panties soaking wet thinking about having to go down on Deanna, having to please her. I don't understand it myself. I guess that is part of my confession. I confess I don't understand why I am excited by this but confess that it totally excites me.

I really can't get out of the office at lunch. It is a frustrating little part of my job. I was, however between a rock and a hard place. I had reached out to her and asked her to take me back. She was quite clear about my punishment. I was to be at her house at noon. It was ten o'clock, only two hours away. She had assured me I would be back to work. It stressed me, the thought of being late. The stress was exciting in its own way. Luckily she lived close to my office.

(I've spent two days describing my punishment in every detail but it is as long as everything I have written above. I don't want my confession to just become a dirty story so I have cut this down as much as possible.)

I arrived at her house. A post-it note instructed me to come inside to the bedroom. I did as instructed. I walked in to find her sitting in the small arm chair. She was dressed in the full dominatrix regalia. I have described to you how Deanna struck me as more beautiful naked than I had ever seen her. Sitting in front of me, she was simply sexy. I had never seen her wear make-up like this and it made her strikingly beautiful. She stood and came to me. In knee length high heel boots she stood as tall as you do. She wore garters and stockings. She wore a corset. She didn't wear panties. I tried not to look at her bare shaved pussy. I was almost certain I knew what pleasing her would mean.

Standing close to me she addressed me in that voice. Fuck, I wonder, does this all just come down to that voice. "Take off your clothes; I want to see my hot little slut."

I did as I was told. I was just wearing jeans and a tee and I stripped down quickly. Again, standing naked with her there made me feel fat and ugly and awkward. I held my arms around myself in modestly and it drew a short quick slap to my ass. She had used a riding crop like the one she had told me to get. I felt the sting. It was sharper than a spanking with a hand.

"You are so fucking hot!" she praised me. I liked it.

Then she touched me. Her hands moved over my body. She was firm. She slapped my ass. She tugged at my nipples and my knees nearly buckled. I closed my eyes. Looking back on it, I was not comfortable with her touch but it was not as disturbing as I might have thought. "If only we had more time." She told me. "As I told you, I wanted to break you in slowly. I am so sorry that you have to be punished." She stood right in front of me. I kept my eyes down. I was staring straight into her cleavage.

"I am very sorry mistress."

Fuck, I know. I said I would keep this short. Okay. She moved me to the bed. She had me get on my hands and knees. She slapped my ass again and I remember thinking the spanking would be my punishment.

Then she came around the bed and leaned in to my ear. She whispered at me. My safe word was "asparagus." And she asked me not to use it.

She lubed my pussy. She lubed my ass. I think I cried. She worked me over with her fingers. It felt like hours. I was mortified. I was delirious. I came so hard I did cry. I know I have told you I don't like it in my ass. I know you have never even asked for it. Maybe that's why. She didn't ask. She just took me.

She left me panting on the bed, my ass still up in the air. I wasn't moving until she told me to. My pussy was a quivering mess. My clit was still warm from her touch; I felt the lube clinging to my ass. I wanted her to come back and do it more.

She came back wrapped in a towel, she had undressed. "You can get dressed, my sweet slut."

Did I mention I wanted her back inside me again?

I got dressed. I had to hurry but I would be on time. I was at the door when she came to me again, sans towel now. "Are you going to behave?"

Concentrating on the ground, "Yes, Mistress."

"I would like that. I would much rather reward than punish." She kissed me. It was long and slow. It was far more firm than I ever imagined it would be. It was totally lesbian and creepy. It was disturbing. Of course I didn't stop either. I kissed her back and touched her naked back. I didn't want to leave but I wanted to run away. I didn't want to touch a naked woman but I wanted her to be inside me again.

I drove back to work wondering when she would call again. I wondered if I should call her. I was more prepared now. Even if she called in the morning, I would be ready. I would address my mistress properly.

I know this is insane. I am sitting here confessing to my affair. I don't feel like it was an affair. I hope you don't hate me.

I guess I never thought about it like that. I mean, that very weekend when she called with instructions they were about you. She gave me 30 minutes to suck you off. I told her you don't usually cum for me. She hoped you would because she didn't want to punish me.

Yes, she punished me that week. It wasn't as severe as the last time. My punishment was to sit naked at the foot of the bed and watch her. She had her slave there and she sucked his dick. She showed me how to deep throat him. She showed me how to work his balls. She showed me that trick where I turn my hand around your shaft. She showed me how to blow you.

Her instructions so often involved you that I think I just kinda thought of you as a part of this the whole time. Remember when we went to dinner with them and I took you off into the bathroom and did you. That was on her instruction.