Precious

Jeanette's diary

5/21 I'm so fucking mad at him! Why do I always have to go to his house? Why can't he come here once in awhile?

He calls, tells me to come over, fucks me, and tells me I have to go home.

So here I am, at 2am, writing my anger away. He didn't even ask if I came or not!

What the fuck is it with this guy? Why do I let him treat me like this?

He treats me like shit, and I go running back for more. This is so unlike me. He tells me to jump, and I ask 'how high?

What the fuck?

He used to be so sweet, easy to control. Then he changed.

As mad as I am at him, I'm even more confused at myself. Since he changed, I can't resist him.

I think I'm falling in love.

He found a side of me I didn't know about.

Something I don't understand. Something I don't think I want to understand. Something in me LIKES it.

When he was fucking me earlier, he kept looking into my eyes. Deeper and deeper.

The harder he fucked me, the deeper and colder his look became.

I felt he was looking into my soul. I felt helpless. I felt his control. He knew.

I loved every second of it.

Every time I was just about to come, he'd stop. He did it so many times I lost count.

I begged, I pleaded.

He wouldn't say anything. He'd just start fucking me again. And again. And again!

He made me suck him when he came, I was left on the edge.

Unsatisfied.

I love the taste of his cum.

He told me to leave.

I gathered my clothes. I got dressed. I walked out on shaky legs.

He didn't even say 'Good night'.

Fuck him! I'm not calling him, not this time. He can call me. I can wait. We've played the 'who's gonna call first?' game before. I've always won.

5/24 3 days. Not a word.

I'm not going to call him. I'm not going to let him win. Not this time.

5/25 I dreamed of him last night.

His feel, how he makes me feel. His smell. His hands. His hands on me, touching me touching me touching me.

There.

I woke up wet. I touched myself, thinking of him.

I won't call. I won't.

5/26 I drove past his place, I think he saw me. I went home and took a shower. The water felt so good.

I came twice.

The phone must have rung when I was in there, his number was on the caller ID. He didn't leave a message. I'm not calling him back.

5/27 I'm so horny tonight. I won't call, I won't. I wish he would.

'Wanda' will be busy later. I know it's silly to give a buzzing piece of plastic a name, but 'Wanda' knows what I like. She doesn't play games with my head. With my heart.

She just makes me come. She does what I want. And then I can put her away.

5/28 He called last night. Late.

Wanda had me right on the edge when the phone rang. He asked what I was doing. I said I was sleeping, he knew I was lying. He told me to come over. I did.

When I got there, his place was dark. I knocked, his voice told me to come in. The room was dark, except for one light. I couldn't see him, but I knew he was on the couch.

He told me to strip. I didn't want to, I was humiliated. He told me to strip or leave.

I did, with shame.

I stood naked.

I felt exposed, vulnerable.

I heard him move on the couch.

He told me to touch myself. I started to put up a fuss. He told me to do it, or get dressed.

I did.

Waves of embarrassment flowed though me as my fingers found my most intimate parts. I was surprised I was so wet. My shame turned to excitement knowing he was watching.

He told me to stop. He told me to join him.

I did.

He kissed me. I came just a little bit.

My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, I could see his, inches from mine. When I look into them, I lose myself.

His fingers found me.

At first they were dry and rough. It hurt so good.

I pushed myself into them. I needed more. I liked the pain.

They quickly became wet. He asked me if I liked it. I couldn't answer, I just wanted to rub myself into his grasp.

He stopped. He told me to answer him, and keep my eyes open. He stared into mine.

I finally gasped yes yes yes.

He made me come so hard.

He grabbed a fistful of my hair, and pulled my face to his cock. He tugged on my hair, guiding me. He was using my mouth to masturbate.

I didn't care. I just wanted to please him.

He shot stream after stream of himself into my willing mouth.

I kept sucking until he finished. I swallowed every drop. I wanted to stay with him.

He told me to leave.

I did.

He hasn't called.

What am I doing?