Paige and Spalding

Dear Mom,

Thanks for the lemon bars. It'll help me stay awake during my property class. Tell Rylie that I'll bring back her mohair coat, don't have a cow.

So you were asking me about how things are going with Spalding. I was so glad you and Dad liked him when you came up to school.

I agree he's cute and has a good sense of humor, and Dad said Spal was obviously "well raised" and there we might have a teeny debating point.

Last weekend, Spalding gave me a ring. Yes, it had a diamond chip in it, it was an engagement ring, and I should be thrilled.

I mean, we had that great week in the South of France, and raised hell for Spring Break, and I love the volunteer work he does with New Haven's inner city kids.

Spal taught me to ski, and how to appreciate a good Bordeaux, and he's a cute, fun guy.

But, we went home to visit his folks, and things got a little random there. Well, not random in your world.

Buttermilk Falls is a lovely town, and the Tylls live in a nice Colonial. Spalding seemed so nervous when we were going down.

I worried that his parents wouldn't like us, and that was why he was being a little nervous.

And Spal's mom was perfectly nice! At first. We had tea, which is a little old fashioned. The house is very Fifties, wall-to-wall, that kind of thing.

Mother Tyll, as she asked me to call her is a riot. She said that Spal's dad was tied up in the basement for being a "bad lad"

The tea was good, I guess (Earl Grey?) and we're sitting on these overstuffed chairs, and Spal looked like he was calming down a little.

Suddenly the kitchen door opens and this redhead, about thirty-three or whatever comes out, kind of flamboyant, magenta top, black pencil skirt. She's followed by this little bald guy.

(Mom-do you notice that women in this part of the country seem a little voluptuous? We're skinny, maybe too preppie?)

But the redhead was more than curvy!

She goes, "So Leila said you were so nice with the move on your day off, it made me want to give you some honey privilege."

The guy gasps. "Really?"

"My honeys have been lonely, and you've been such a good boy."

Then this woman rubs her tits in the guy's face. He doesn't even notice we're there, I guess I can't blame him.

He says, "Really, when we get home we can um-" Then he notices ME, and blushes.

"Talbert, I never said that." She looks at me. "Did I say that? Did I say we can do anything when we get home?"

Then she notices Spal and is kind of, "Hello, Spalding is this your little girlfriend?"

Spalding says, "Um, Paige, this is my cousin Sable."

But she's forgotten about us, and is looking at Spal's mom.

"Auntie Saffron, did I say in any way that Talbie is getting any special treats? I think I said I was just impressed with his generosity to help Marissa on his day off."

Spal's mom smiles and nods. She's like "Sable, you know we've told Talbert before about counting his chickens before they're hatched."

Sable turns to the poor guy, Talbert and says:

"That's right. And I know you lust after my nice candies. But why should I let you kiss them? You don't deserve my nice honeys."

Talbert begins tearing up and says,

"But Sable, dear it's been so long. We never-never"

He looks at me and Spalding again, and then I think he was checking out my boobs.

And then Sable says, kind of tender-sarcastic-

"Lets go home and you can winterize my wardrobe, and do my nails for my date tonight. "

"P-please spend time with me, sweetheart. You implied I might kiss your-"

"God, there's nothing more disgusting than a man slobbering all over my rack."

Sable says this and winks at me, and I can't help but laugh.

"You better watch out, Talbert, I'll make you take out your dork and let this girl-what's your name?"

"Paige."

"Paige. I'll take your belt off and give it to her and let her whip your dick a few times. You up for that, Pam?"

I tried to correct her "I'm Paige" but I was laughing too hard.

"I did that the other day. He was rude in front of a saleslady at Niemen Marcus, and I made him pull out his dick, so small you could barely see it, and I gave the woman a fifty dollar tip to whip his wee-wee."

Then I really started cracking up.

"And then when we were vacationing in Cannes, I tied Talbie here naked to a chair in the suite of the Hotel Intercontinental, and I let the maid come in and clean while he was there blindfolded.

She laughed.

"I-I wish you wouldn't tell that story, Sable." Talbert says, shamefacedly.

"Yeah, I bet. But still, you are so arrogant. I steal your trunks when we're at the pool, and I make you run naked around the block...

Yes, and I get my gay hairdresser friends to have you wank in front of them, and you're still an arrogant pig."

"I don't mean to offend you, Sable-"

Then the redhead slaps the balding guy, not too hard, but goes, "That's right. You've offended me."

Spal then goes "Where are my manners? This is Talbert, Sable's husband."

Then the redhead goes "Good luck, honey. Not many real men up there at Yale Law, huh?"

Spalding gets all red around the ears.

And then they walk out, the guy following Sable reasoning with her about her honeys."

Then she runs back in and asks the mother for a box of thumbtacks. "I think I'll put a bunch on Talbie's tongue, just to shut him up a little."

I had to interrupt. "Aren't you afraid he'll swallow some of them?"

She says, "Oh no, they stay firmly in a tongue, and my brother Strickland once swallowed some, and it didn't kill him. I think he teaches at your engineering school."

Spalding grinned awkwardly. "You know, the T.A. they call "Rooster?" He went to the E.R. with that thing up his-"

[That's another story, Mom.]

Anyhow, Aunt Sable smiled at me and said "Spalding's a lucky guy! But I found in my marriage to Mr. Mundelein-" She kind of pointed to the door-

"That you may need more substance in the sack." Then she said "Ciao" and split.

After this, Spalding's mom kind of got on his case about something he'd forgotten to do when he was visiting the last time...

"I know you've gotten very independent, you probably don't care about Mummie anymore."

Spalding began sweating bullets, and he said "No, no of course not, Mummie, I brought Paige here to meet you because you're the most important thing in my life."

"Does Paige know you don't do the chores you used to, especially the baseboard scrubbing that you neglected over spring break?"

"W-well we were in Florida-and-"

"I think you should do it now, darling. Unless of course you don't care about your loving Mother."

"It-it wouldn't be the best time. We really should-"

They got in this unbelievable argument about doing baseboards.

I got distracted checking my phone, and the next thing you know, Spalding is blushing and his Mom is dragging him into the other room by his EAR.

Mother Tyll turned to me and gave me this creepy smile.

"This won't take long. Spalding just has to put on his cleaning clothes and do a little work before he leaves with you, darling."

I was sort of aghast. Who does cleaning chores when they bring their girlfriend to meet their mother?

Then Spalding kind of realized that this really wasn't the time, and began arguing with his mother, saying we had to get out on Route 33 before rush hour, and she says, direct quote-

"It's entirely up to you, Spalding, but I think your attitude is quite impetuous. Perhaps I need to correct you a bit, and bring you back down to size."

"No, Mummie, I'm an adult now."

"All right. Go, then. I'll see you in a few weeks. Of course this may mean an adjustment in your privileges."

Spalding kind of looked at her. "Mummie, my privileges are determined by whether I make Dean's List." Then he simpers. "And I am on the Law Review, too!"

"I'm afraid not. I suggest if you want your full independence, I'll just give you back your keys. You don't need my help."

And then Spalding started begging her not to give him back his keys (to what? I don't know, or I didn't just then.)

Finally they went into the kitchen, and I heard Mother Tyll asking Spal to bring her the carpet beater, and he argues, and then I hear this whacking and howling, it was nasty...

And then there was silence, and just after that, Spalding comes out, and he's dressed in a turquoise camisole NIGHTGOWN.

A woman's body stocking, way too small for him, and ugly pink stockings and some ballet slippers that were like, made for a transvestite, they were so big.

He was really embarrassed, as anyone should be, I was gaping at him in this horror.

His mom comes out and tells me that I have to excuse them for about an hour so Spal can clean the baseboards.

Mother Tyll says but that if I want, I can get a ride back to school right now with Manuel, their yard man.

Spal started arguing with her, and then Mother Tyll gives him this roundhouse slap across the jaw, and made him take off his um, nightie. He was crying, Spal was, big, wet tears, but he did this, and I found out something interesting.

The reason Spalding has never gone all the way with me? I thought it was because he respected my virtue, but he was wearing this creepy metal thing on his junk, Mom.

His mother has the keys to it. He seemed so unhappy.

I even said to him, "Spalding, lets get out of here. You have a full scholarship to Yale Law and your grand-dad's trust fund. We can stop at a hardware store and I can cut that thing off you, I'm a girl, but I know about tools."

"That's good you do, darling." Mumsie says. "Spallie is too much of a sissy to know about them. But I can give him the keys right now."

But Spalding was sobbing now, and he shook his head.

"Can't-can't you wait for me, Paige?"

"Don't worry about it. sweetie...Let a real man take you back. Manuel-Mannie the Mannish Man is better for you than Spallie the Sissy."

And then she said "I took Spalding's little negligee off so I can give him a bit more correction before he does his housework."

Finally I got out of there with Manuel their yard guy, who is very cute. I guess my junior year in Honduras really paid off, 'cos we talked in Spanish all the way back to school, and then...

I can tell you this, Mom, since you and Aunt Debby got me my first IUD. Manuel and I had quite a good time because I was getting really bored with separate bedrooms with Spalding.

When I next saw Spal, he had moved out of his new apartment and back in with his bitchy Cousin Starla, who he used to room with (she goes to school with us, and I take Bankruptcy and Litigation with her)...

And he moved back in with her, and she's so bossy, but whatever.

I guess he and I are through, but he told me I could keep the diamond ring.

He really did try to talk me into dating him again, but I just don't see the guy as a real, you know, "Guy" guy.

Starla actually invited me to dinner one night after Spalding had moved back in with her, and...

If you can believe this, Starla unlocked Spalding's chastity belt-what a wicked cousin she is!

His weenie is TINY. Remember when I first went off to law school, and you told me not to bother lying to men about how "size doesn't matter" because everyone knows it does? You are such a progressive mother!

But, Starla told me that if I wanted Spalding to continue to give me oral satisfaction now and then, since we had been doing that though he'd never taken off his pants in front of me...

Anyway, Starla said I could still drop by and utilize Spalding's tongue. Dig that!

I asked her what he gets out of it, since he never gets out of the chastity device, but she said never mind.

And I realize that Spalding is actually never so hot as when he's being kicked around by these female relatives. It's so WEIRD!

And I have this ten thousand dollar engagement ring!

I hocked it, and I'm going back to Honduras this summer with Manuel. He wants me to meet HIS mom. I hope she's you know, different.

All my love,

Paige.

Dear Paige-

Just a short note.

I really am sorry our engagement ended, and I still love you. I think of you often, not just when you come by for a lick job. Your beautiful strawberry curls, and those eyes...

I know you want me to leave you alone otherwise, but my Mummie and Starla and Cousin Sable want you to come down for my once a semester onanistic privilege.

Mummie says I have to have you there, to make up for my execrable behavior on the last visit.

Seriously, it's June, and I won't get another chance to masturbate until September and I've been locked up since just before New Year's.

I've been sooo horny and all the cute girls at school, and you in particular have driven me crazy.

I still miss when we were making out and you were in your bra and panties and I was naked except for my shorts, because I didn't want you to see my chastity cage.

I kind of wish that I'd let you unlock it, or tear it off, now, but Mummie and Sable and Starla are probably right, and I need something to really help me focus.

But if you don't come to the ceremony, I will be locked up for three more months, and I just don't think I can stand that.

It doesn't take too long. I just jerk off using my left hand, to make it more interesting, and I shoot it onto an ebony plate and clean my spooge up with my tongue.

I'm sure it's kind of gross to you, but we did share something, and it's the only way I can get any pleasure.

You can flash your cleavage at me, and it'll help!

Starla even said she would consider letting me drive you down without my belt, and you could play with my dick all the way down there to the house, as long as I'm not allowed to cum.

Will you accompany me?

Spalding.

Dear Spalding,

I am going with Manuel your yard man to Honduras, but I talked to your mom and I probably can watch you choke your chicken on Skype.

I will be able to see you, but I doubt you will see me, mostly because your mom says that this time you will be blindfolded and have to bring yourself off by auto-fellatio.

That is incredibly gross, but you're a good friend, and if you need my attention to get your release, I dig it.

Also, I'll see you next weekend for a brief period. Starla is going away with some guy, and I am going to come and check on you, 'cos Starla keeps you in those adult diapers on the weekend?

So I'll be tending to that. But please don't get handsy with me because I don't really feel that way about you anymore.

Best,

Paige

Dear Paige

It's mid-July now, and as you are aware, I was unable to get computer contact with you, the online over in Honduras must be really crappy.

Between that and the B minus I got in my probate seminar, I was denied orgasm till September.

I am so horny and tense now! It's like my balls are filled with rocks or something. I am really glad you and Manuel are having such a nice time in South America.

But I love you so-we had a good year together. You were the one who talked me into moving out of Starla's although I couldn't explain at the time what kind of power she had over me.

And I know you were disappointed when I moved back in there. You and Starla are such good friends now, I know this because you're always playing cards or something before I get to munching your carpet...

I miss your beautiful clitoris. I love licking it. I loved licking it more before, when you didn't know the whole deal...

Remember that?

You thought I morally didn't want to take advantage of you beyond giving you sexual services.

I remember nursing on your pretty tits and then licking my way down to your nether parts...

And of course my shorts were on, and my penis was swelling miserably inside of the chastity device.

Sometimes after I dropped you off, or when we vacationed and I had to pay for two rooms...

When I got alone, I would take a cold shower and then sob relentlessly because I was so horny for your body.

But at the same time, I was so thrilled that I got that great tongue access...and I got to touch you a lot!

The last few times we got together, after you found out, and I was just giving you oral service, I was sad because you wouldn't let me hug you or kiss you.

Starla said I was just "the licking machine."

It was especially painful when Starla taught you how to give me a bare bottom spanking with the saucepan.

I was no longer the man you once loved, but being treated like a naughty sexless brat.

And then you wanted to find out whether it was true that I sucked dick and got occasionally sodomized.

That's when I broke emotionally, when Starla hired a gay hustler to come and have me blow him, and then fuck me in the ass, and you laughed.

That's when I realized what a faggy little wimp I've become.

And yet, it was tremendously sexually exciting. It's just the way I am.

I really hope you aren't seriously thinking of marrying Manuel. Starla said this but she might just have been fucking with me.

I bet Manuel is very old fashioned, and he won't let you fool around with me at all if you two get married. I am crying as I write this...

Because I miss kissing you and fondling your body, although my poor imprisoned penis never really got any sort of serious contact.

I am in school this summer, studying my butt off so my masturbation privilege will be restored, even if it is just for a few minutes...

It's what I look forward to!

All my love,

Spalding

Dear Spalding

I won't be back. We had some kind of revolution in Honduras, and now Manuel is Vice-Consul from Spain to Turkey, and we will be traveling around the world.

But it was real!

Paige