Brutal Beginnings

My entire life, I knew I would end up in the clutches of a dominant woman. Goddess was the first one I ever met who agreed to indulge me. We matched on a vanilla dating site. Her profile said she was a Dom, but I was too shy to put anything about it in mine. We met up for coffee and had an immediate attraction to each other, lots of flirting and touching. When I revealed that I was submissive, I could tell she wanted to throw me on the ground right then and there. We ended up going out to dinner and then a bar, the whole time talking about our kinks and fantasies. It was the most amazing night of my life.

We started dating and exploring our dynamic immediately. Even though she was a few years younger, she was more experienced and very mature when it came to our play. She knew my limits and didn't go past them, and we had a safe word in place. We only played when we were both in a good mindset, and I received plenty of loving aftercare from her following any punishment or humiliation. She had fulfilled my deepest fantasies, even provided me with new ones, and I was madly in love with her for it.

But things couldn't stay in the honeymoon phase forever. It had been only about a year when I started to feel overwhelmed. She was expecting more of me, wanting me to stay in my sub role for longer periods and ignoring me when we weren't playing. I started resenting her for not giving me enough attention in our regular, day-to-day relationship. I started neglecting things and we got into big arguments. Our playtime became non-existent. The last straw was when she caught me looking at porn involving other doms.

She broke it off with me, saying the porn was a huge betrayal, and I had hurt her badly by giving up on us and not communicating with her. I made her feel unwanted. She said she'd really hoped this could last and this was extremely hard for her. I was shocked and in complete misery. She always seemed so confident and strong to me, I had no idea I could have ever even hurt her.

I spent the next few months in a deep depression, devastated and furious with myself for having somehow messed up the only thing I had been sure I wanted. I tried in vain to search for other doms, even going on a few dates with vanilla girls to see if I could stomach it, but it was pointless. I thought about Goddess every day, remembering the good times and agonizing over how things ended. All I wanted was to get her back. I knew I'd have to go against her wishes and contact her, even if she immediately rejected me. Maybe it would make up for my failures if she knew I was still completely obsessed.

To my astonishment and elation, she eventually responded to the text I sent, which had gone something like:

"I made a huge mistake and have only thought about you this entire time and would die for the chance to just talk to you again even though I don't deserve it." Her response back was icy, but at least she was talking to me.

"Told you not to do this."

"I know and I'm so sorry but please...I've done a lot of reflecting and I realize now how I was acting. I feel so bad and would never treat you like that again. I know I don't deserve it at all, but I want to be back in your life so badly, I wanna show you that I'll be better."

She didn't respond for the rest of the night, causing the most excruciating feeling, worse than any physical punishment she could have inflicted. I did nothing else but lay by the phone praying for a response all night and only fell asleep towards morning time. I woke up late and felt a surge of excitement and elation when I saw that she had texted back: "Come over @ noon".

I arrived ten minutes early and thought about waiting until twelve on the dot to let her know I was here, but she must have seen me pull up because she texted me and told me to come in. I wasn't welcomed at the door with a hug or any sort of "nice to see you again." She was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee. "Hey, come on over and sit," she said in a business-like tone. It seemed like this might just be an opportunity for her to really give me a dressing down about how I had mistreated her and send me on my way. If that was the case, I'd have to accept it. She had already rejected me and I was here asking her to take me back. All the power lay with her.

"How've you been?" I asked tentatively as I took my seat.

"Busy," she said flatly.

"Oh yeah, that's cool, yeah. I've uh...I've been kinda not so good...um...just basically thinking about you a lot and how things ended, really regretting everything. And well, I really appreciate you letting me come over cuz I just..."

She put her hand up in a silencing motion. Just that little movement made my penis twinge with a familiar feeling. I had been doing nothing but fantasizing about her dominating me for months, and now sitting in front of her, any small show of power left me breathless.

She took a prolonged, leisurely sip of coffee after silencing me and stared inquisitively into my eyes for a few moments, keeping me in the most excruciating suspense. I had never wanted to hear the next words out of someone's mouth so desperately.

"I wanna be clear that you're never gonna be my boyfriend again. You don't get a second chance at that."

That was a huge gut-punch. I literally felt sick instantly after hearing it. I just nodded my head, looking down at the table dejectedly.

"You might still be useful...but I dunno," she shrugged.

I perked up and looked straight at her. "How can I be useful...?"

"You know how. But you suck at that, too. I could find a better sub than you in like two seconds. You'd probably just piss me off."

"If you gave me a chance, I would literally devote my entire life to you. You would come first in everything. I know there's better guys, but I'm so ready and willing to learn and I promise, I swear on everything that..." Her hand went up once more. She was already in total control.

"You don't deserve it. I'll never forgive you for what you did. So if I decided to give you this chance, you're gonna have to be fully aware of what I expect from you. It's not gonna be anything like before."

Her deadly seriousness sent a chill down my spine, but I also could barely contain my excitement at even the small sliver of hope that I'd be allowed back. I listened intently and didn't take my eyes off her, hardly blinked.

"You'd be a slave and nothing else. No boyfriend privileges. No privileges whatsoever. Twenty-four seven. You address me as Goddess, always. No safe words and no setting limits." She paused after the last one and looked at me searchingly. "Should I keep going?"

"Yes Goddess," I said, immediately realizing the mistake I had made.

"Wow," she said, snorting derisively. "Okay, so no sex obviously. Chastity cage stays on at all times. One review at the end of each month where I decide if you cum. To meet my standards for that, you're gonna have to work really hard all month and I might still say no...if I feel like it."

I winced at the prospect of being caged and denied on such an intense level. I had become a chronic masturbator in the time we were away so this was almost unfathomable to me.

"You'll have a list of chores to do each day and they need to be done quickly and to my standards. I will review your work and you'll be beaten for any slip-ups. If you screw up enough, your chance for an orgasm that month goes bye-bye. And you have to only wear sissy clothes. We'll get you some girly undies and a maid outfit and whatever else. Makeup too, definitely. Oh yeah..." She paused and looked at me with a bit more of the playful deviousness in her eyes I knew so well.

"I'm gonna be dating. So I'll be bringing guys back to the house from time to time. I guess I'll have to hide you in the closet or something, keep you bound and gagged in there." She was starting to warm up a little, not speaking directly to me anymore but instead looking up thoughtfully as she brainstormed this new scenario. This part was really distressing me. We had been monogamous in our previous relationship and hadn't explored any cuckolding. She knew this would really hurt my feelings and brought it up for that reason. I could feel the water welling up behind my eyes but tried to control myself.

"If I get a boyfriend and he doesn't want me to have a slave, you're fucking gone. And if he's into it, guess what? You're gonna be a slave to both of us, and you'll service him exactly how you service me. I'm sure in the meantime we could break you in with some one night stands, though."

Hearing this made me feel like my entire insides had been flipped upside down. It was almost like being broken up with all over again, realizing just how serious she was about keeping me as a slave only. She wasn't taking my feelings into account at all. I was losing my mind at the thought of her bringing another man into the equation and having to be submissive to him, watch them have sex and possibly even get him ready. This was so far beyond my limits, something I never would have agreed to otherwise...but it was this or nothing.

"There's more, but that's all I'm gonna say. Now listen to me," she leaned in closer. "You're gonna go now, and I want you to think about this, hard. I mean it when I say you don't get a safe word and you don't get to decide what your limits are. That's not something most people would agree to. Understand?"

"Yes, totally." I nodded vigorously.

"I need time to think, too. I haven't decided if I'm actually giving you this chance or not. Do not contact me. Maybe I'll let you know my decision by the end of the week, maybe not, I don't know yet. Maybe you won't hear from me at all. I don't owe you shit. Understand?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay. You can leave now."

What followed was a grueling, almost unendurable two weeks of waiting on edge for the call of my Goddess. The day after our meeting, I really had thought about everything she laid out to me and tried uselessly to appeal to the logical part of my brain and tell myself that no sane person would agree to those terms. I'd literally be giving my entire life over to her, and I could be dismissed at any time, which would completely destroy me. What if I just found a regular girlfriend, or another mistress to start fresh with?

But I was only taking these things into consideration because I had been ordered to. Really, I was already under her full control. Even though I couldn't think of anything worse than having to watch her with other men, I told myself I would just have to get used to it somehow. Not just that, but I'd have to be a well-trained and obedient cuckold if I wanted her to keep me around. This sent me into a deep sorrow every time I thought about it. Yet I knew that it had to be endured, because I had to be with Goddess no matter what the cost.

When the end of the first week came and went with no text or phone call, I spent most of the preceding days in bed, sometimes crying, sometimes having to calm myself down from panicking. Within each millisecond I was being tortured from afar by her lack of response. Resisting the urge to reach out to her was nearly impossible. If not expressly forbidden, I would've sent her a constant stream of texts begging and pleading for her to take me back, to use and abuse me until the end of time.

If I had never heard from her again, I doubt I would have ever recovered. But miraculously, after two weeks agony, I got a text.

"What's your decision?"

"Yes, I want to do it."

I typed the words and pressed send without even a moment's hesitation. Just like that.

"Come over."

The ride over was a complete blur. I had nothing on my mind besides obeying my first command enthusiastically. I hurried up to the door and knocked, hearing a faint "come in" and opening the door to Goddess lounging on the couch in a t-shirt and pajama pants.

"Clothes off," she said without taking her eyes off the TV.

I stripped as quickly and efficiently as I could in my excitement and stacked my clothes in a small, neat pile next to me on the ground, then stood obediently with my hands behind my back waiting for her next command. But she didn't say anything, just completely ignored me. She kept her eyes glued to the TV for about fifteen minutes before taking her phone out and scrolling on it for another fifteen. I was twitchy and shaky with anticipation and my bare feet were already starting to tingle from standing rigidly in place. I started wondering if she'd make me stand there all night.

Finally she got up and walked over to the kitchen to get a drink. On her way back to the couch she stopped and looked at me for the first time, scanning me up and down with a doubtful look on her face. She clicked her tongue with irritation and sat back down on the couch.

"I'm seriously considering telling you to fuck off right now." She said, lying sideways to rest her head on a pillow and keeping her skeptical gaze on me.

"Goddess, I..."

"Shut the fuck up! Did I say to speak?"

I had goosebumps all over. I was blowing it already.

She sprang up from the couch and got right up in my face. It was so amazing being this close to her again, I actually wanted to cry. She spat in my face and started twisting and digging her nails into my nipples. I whimpered and squirmed while trying to stay still.

"God, you're such a mid bitch. I was totally ready to never see you or talk to you ever again. Then you send that pathetic message, whining about what a fucking loser you are. Just been at home jacking off and crying this whole time, huh? That's seriously so fucking sad. You're sooooo lucky the guy I have to clean my place now is unreliable."

Even though what she said was extremely hurtful, my heart leapt with joy at those last words. She was going to give me a chance, she wasn't going to send me away!

"Go stand in front of the couch."

I did as I was told. She sat down in front of me holding a hot pink chastity cage. I looked at it with dejection. I had previously only spent two full days in chastity for her, and this cage was even smaller than the one she'd put on me previously. I'd have absolutely no room in there. She read my expression and laughed.

"Just the right size for you."

She proceeded to lock me up with total disregard for my dick and balls, continuing her verbal assault.

"Did your dick, like, shrink after I dumped you or something? Holy shit, you fit into this so easily! You know this is the smallest one they sell, right? I'm sure I could find something smaller, though. So funny. Oh, I guess we can discuss your sentencing now. I know I said once a month, but let's forget about it this month. Sixty days to start. Just a little punishment for all your previous bullshit, and it's very lenient so you should be grateful. Also don't forget that it's just a review. If you haven't been a good boy, or if I don't feel like it, you don't cum. And if I allow it? Hmmm...it has to still be fun for me. Give you like thirty seconds to hump a pillow...eh, I'll think of something."

She successfully locked my cock and lay back on the couch, staring at me with a slightly amused but still doubtful expression. She was still skeptical about my commitment. I was sure this was a test. She was laying out the dark future ahead of me in vivid terms to see if I would break down. I had to stay strong. The harsh chastity sentence was gut-wrenching, and that was just one piece of the puzzle.

"Oh! Ya know what would sooo funny? If I, like, had some guy over on your special day and gave him your key! And you have to convince him why you should be let out! He'd probably think it was hilarious to say no, right? And of course I'll do what he says, cuz I gotta keep my good dick happy at all costs. You can thank him for denying you and kiss his feet, and then you watch us fuck! Oh my god, I'm dying! That's so good! I'm gonna remember that one."

"Hmm, what else? Oh, chores! Yeah, you'll have a super long list each day, and you'll do them even if the place is spotless. You're gonna do some of them twice actually. Definitely double clean the bathroom, double vacuum and wash the floors, that type of shit. And I'm sure when you finish all that I'll have other stuff for you. Errands to run, shoes to lick clean, that sort of thing. There's no slacking off while you're here.

"We'll have to take some time out of your chores for punishments though. A little something every day to keep you in your place. Or sometimes it'll be a big something, ya know? I bought a shitload of new canes and whips recently, like really crazy ones. One of them is actually used for real corporal punishment. I tried it on one of my clients who has a super high pain tolerance and he could only take one hit. I guess we'll see how many you can take!

"Oh, and I put a dog bed down for you in the bedroom. You'll definitely be down there for the first couple months. Maybe eventually I'll let you sleep in bed with me sometimes as a treat or a tease, but mainly you'll be in your little slave bed. You can have one of these couch pillows, I guess, and ummmm...no blanket for now. I'll decide when you've earned one." She giggled at her own cruelty. "Speaking of which, I'm very fucking tired right now. It's exhausting just thinking about having your stupid bitch ass around again. I'm going to bed, but hmmm...your punishment needs to continue. What do we do with you..."

She batted playfully at my newly locked cock as she brainstormed, making it whip back and forth wildly and catching it with a slap each time it came back in her direction.

"Ooooh yeah, got it!" She said gleefully, darting off to the bedroom with excitement. She came back out with a frighteningly large dildo in her hand and beckoned me to come to her. I crawled over to where she stood and noticed the dildo had a suction cup in the back. She slammed it onto the wall next to her bedroom door, directly level with my face.

"Get to work," she said, slapping me on the head and then shoving my face onto the huge rubbery cock. I opened wide as fast as I could and took it in. I could barely even fit my mouth around the head, but Goddess pushed as hard as she could, making me gag and go red in the face, my eyes watering up immediately. She stood over me with my hair clenched in her hand and started harshly slapping me on the left side of my face while she guided me back and forth on the dildo. Then she turned around and delivered a round of brutal slaps to my ass cheeks. I was yelping in pain from her blows and choking and wheezing trying to handle the huge cock stretching my jaw.

"Continue" she said, walking over to my pile of clothes and retrieving my phone from the pocket of my pants. She came back and placed it under me, then got right next to my face.

"When I wake up, you better still be gelking my cock like it's your last meal. If I open this door at any time and catch you slacking, it's going right up your ass, so it's in your best interest to keep it lubed. You're gonna take a three minute video on your phone at the top of every hour. Make it nice and sloppy. I wanna see maximum effort. You gotta get used to this type of size if you're gonna be of any use to the dudes I bring over."

I whimpered involuntarily and she laughed loudly in my face.

"You are so completely fucked. Okay, I'm going to bed." She put her mouth right onto my ear and said in a taunting whisper, "I'm gonna beat the shit out of you tomorrow."

And with that, she stood up and strolled gleefully into her bedroom, closing the door behind her and leaving me to bask in the terrible fate I had sealed for myself.

My purpose in life became abundantly clear as more time progressed; I was an experiment, a helpless lab rat for Goddess to test out different cruelties on at her whim. She was always buying or being gifted new toys and immediately tested them out on me. Nothing seemed to please her more than the look on my face when she unboxed some new, horrifying dildo. I was constantly on the receiving end of a merciless spanking and whipping, and Goddess somehow kept finding more and more painful nipple clamps to use on me. My tears and pleas for mercy in moments of weakness had absolutely no effect on her. She'd hurt me until I cried and then laugh in my face, tickling me and berating me for being a wimp.