This is part story and part advice from a woman in a female-led relationship. Our personal details are fictitious, and are parts of the story, but much of it is indeed very real. It is written from my (the woman's perspective) which is something that seems quite rare based on what I have seen. A short piece of advice: if you are a woman whose husband or boyfriend has expressed interest in female domination (which can be quite intense if you know what I mean), then I hope that this can help you in your journey. If you are a man who wants his wife/girlfriend to start this journey then ask (politely) that she read it. But for your own sake, don't read beyond the first chapter. I learnt from my dear husband that "knowing what will happen" and having been too involved in making it happen removes some of the feeling of dominance. Now, let's start.
My name is Emma and my husband's name is Michael and we had been together for four years when this story starts, although we had not yet gotten married. We are both of average height and build, staying fit and were in our late twenties. I work in accounting and he works in the finance industry. We are both well-educated and reasonably well off living in a medium-sized town. We met when he just finished his degree which was paid for by his service in the navy. Our sex life was pretty good, although not as exciting as in the first years, and although we both wanted kids we were not at that stage yet. And he wanted to get married before kids, a pretty traditional kind of guy.
Michael had been wanting me to be more dominant to him and had told me about all his fantasies of a female led relationship. Although I cannot say I disliked the idea of him doing more work around the house, pampering me more, and just generally being on a better behavior (which were some of his main arguments), the idea of being in control and having to lead frankly scared me. And so we dabbled a bit in some domination, I spanked him and all sorts of other things but it never left play time, and he felt like he was missing out. We kept talking about doing it and one day it hit me, just because we are doing something he wants it doesn't mean that it has to be on his terms (at least not entirely). Everything in marriage is compromise and so is this, I just need to figure out what we are willing to compromise on and not.
I started reading up on FLR and femdom and everything related to his fantasies and let me tell you, some stuff was pretty shocking. But I also realized that there seems to be some real archetypes. Some guys want pretty hardcore domination, basically being a slave, even a so-called sissy slave (you know, dressed in frilly dresses and all that) whereas others want what I can only think of as a mother. There is even a term for that, mommy-domme. But what Michael wanted was pretty straight up a dominant wife. And it seems most guys with that particular fantasy seem to share the same things, but not always of course. They want a wife that corrects them with spankings, takes control, denies them orgasms and keeps them on edge, expresses dissatisfaction in the size of their dick and is the giver or penetrator (sometimes). Or, using the terminology I had started to learn: spanking, chastity, tease & denial, small penis humiliation (or SPH) and pegging. They tend to not, from what I learned, be into stuff that I mostly associated with BDSM like tied to a cross, whipped, wearing a latex suit and getting peed on. And that eased my mind a bit.
One of the telling things is what outfits for their partners that turn them on. The more hardcore stuff tends toward leather and latex, the BDSM stereotype. So I sat down with him in the living room and asked him what outfits he would want me to wear when I'm dominant. "Well, you know, whatever your comfortable in" he started, in his usual attempt to not push too many things on me. "But in the perfect world, in fantasy, which may not be reality of course, what would I wear when I spank you or dominate you?" I asked. And after some gentle encouragement (i.e. playing with his privates kind of encouragement, always works) he started to explain. Basically, he just wanted me in normal wife clothes, like jeans and a top. Sexy but normal. He also admitted that office attire turned him on, and this fit really well with what I had read. Basically, power dressing. That I can do, I thought.
Now before we go on I should point out that I was pretty aware of most of his kinks, but I had not before made the connection to how he wanted me to be. It helped me to understand that he just wanted a dominant wife. He wanted more of a Claire from Modern Family rather than a dominatrix. Google dominatrix and you will understand what I mean. For the first time I really started to ask him a lot of questions about it, because rather than understanding everything about his various turn-ons, I was now asking about how he saw me in this fantasy. Would he want to call me mistress? Would he want me to be mean or bitchy? Would he want to defer to me for every decision? Would he want to have to ask for permission to do anything? The answer was pretty clearly no on all counts, which at first left me confused because then it just sounded like a normal, happy marriage. Except, I then understood, a marriage where the wife will not hesitate to spank her husband if he's not being a good husband and where from time to time, she will assert her dominance through more sexual means. And yeah, I could really imagine Claire spanking her husband.
One concern for me though was that I wasn't particularly assertive or dominant, in fact I was rather the opposite. I also really did not want a meek, passive man, or a beta-male as the community calls it. The BDSM community that is. I expressed this concern and he was very quick to assure me that he didn't want this either, and explained that he saw himself as a manly and decisive guy (he was, and is) and that part of the attraction of this fantasy was that taboo. That he may be a tough guy in his work and social life, but at home is, quite literally, a bit whipped. So we settled on one of our first important agreements, that he is to be a man in every meaning of the word and if he stops, then this FLR will also stop. We actually even decided that one of the uses for discipline would be to keep to him to that, that I would quite literally punish him if he acted like a submissive beta-male.
I had at this point started to get more comfortable with the idea of it, but I still didn't feel very comfortable doing it, seeing as I am not a particularly dominant person. But I grew up on a farm. My parents weren't farmers (my dad worked in town, my mom was a homemaker) but they liked the life style and we had quite a few animals. Now, with animals I had no problem being decisive, and in particular our dog I had trained quite well. We even did agility competitions. And so I thought, what if I just train my husband like I trained my dog? I mean, training a dog is pretty straight forward. You reward good behavior and deter bad behavior. I want to make it clear that I would NEVER hit a dog, but my husband's backside is a different matter...
One of the hardest things I had found so far was that the few times I had punished him before it was really difficult to get started. Once he was bent over or over my knee it went okay, but getting there wasn't easy. I would ask him if he could maybe consider dropping his pants, with my pleases and thank you's in an honestly meek voice. I just found it hard to order him, to be strict and tough. So this was what we started practicing.
I told Michael that I wanted to try this for real, but to do that I need to get comfortable being dominant. So we would practice some basic commands and once I felt comfortable enough I would start to use them. Now my idea was to really reinforce this behavior with punishments and rewards. If he failed to follow the command properly, I would spank him, and if he complied he would get a reward. Now in reality it actually took me quite some time to figure this out properly, but for the sake of the story and hopeful some good advice, we'll assume I had already read what you are reading right now.
The setup was this. If he complied with the command I would reward him on the spot with some hand stimulation. That is, I would stroke his dick, fondle his balls or finger his ass. Not for long, and definitely not so that he would cum, but enough that it felt good. A reward, plain and simple. If he failed in any way I would spank him. Not a long crazy spanking, but a couple of hard smacks on his butt. Like 4-10 depending on how bad he failed to comply. A note here is that hard really means hard. As a woman it's honestly hard to over do it. And always use an implement, your hand is never enough. To facilitate this I had a couple of implements always at hand. In the kitchen I had a wooden spoon, in the living room I had a wooden hairbrush, in the home office a large ruler, and in the bedroom I had my leather belts. Always a good implement at hand so consequences would be immidatie.
